Welcome drinks at pub - AIBU not to go

Tell your manager that you have a family history of an alcoholic in your family and that being in a setting with people drinking is very triggering for you and you would appreciate not being asked to go in future. Slight untruth but means you aren't outing your own issues to them.

Then make a fuss of the new person in the office..bring in a cake or something

They are probably telling you that because your whole post is mainly about alcohol and not the fact you don’t want to go. I think it’s clear by the responses you’ve had it sounds more like alcohol is the issue, wether it is or not that is how your post comes across

Look, you don’t have to go but your colleagues may think you’re unfriendly. That may be fair of them or may not be but either way, that’s how it is. Not amount of whining will change it.

So the question is what do you hate the idea of more - making small talk in a pub or people you work with thinking you’re not very nice? Choose which is the lesser of the two evils and act accordingly.

Go literally for one non-alcoholic drink. Then it’s not eating into your personal time, you don’t look like a dick and it’s minimal small talk.

It literally is eating into personal time, if this is happening 'after work'.

Plenty of people have commitments that mean they need to leave work on time - parents (which is a huge part of the workforce); people who are running a Cub Pack or Brownie Pack or St John's Badgers; people who are traveling somewhere either by public transport, or just who don't want to set off on a long drive later in the evening; people wanting to get back for pets, or for adults they care for; people who have to work 2 jobs; people who are organising an event that night, or who are just attending an event that night; people who have tickets for something that night; and I'm sure 101 other reasons.

I based my response on not knowing you weren't paid to attend the pub.
I've changed my mind, work life balance trumps pub and getting to know new starts.
I make an exception to show my face at christmas, but otherwise dont go.
i take my own team out for breakfast (no alcohol) when we are getting paid.

@Blossomtoes
Doesn't mean it's easy or as easy as some folks are suggesting.
People who have an issue with alcohol don't suddenly get over it in a set amount of time, in fact most need to be careful and aware of it for the rest of their lives. I'm not saying OP falls into that category but the length of time is irrelevant.
Christmas is likely a different type of event, it often includes a meal and so not just all hanging around in a bar which OP may find more difficult than the distraction of a meal.

I am introverted and don't like work socials. I usually don't go. But there are a few times you have to show a face and this is probably one of them. Go for an hour, say nice to meet you to the chap, have a soft drink and go home.

OP says there is a " drinking culture" at her work which management aren't admitting to. The impression is that attending these after work drinking sessions is compulsory. And there is something far wrong if OP doesnt feel comfortable going along and not drinking.
It's one thing to have occasional " drinks after work" but it's entirely another thing if every event at work is " celebrated" with the employer organising booze ups. I don't see how normalising heavy alcohol consumption is good for anyone.

She’s telling you that because the wording in your OP implies it’s the alcohol side of things you object to, and you’d be happy to go if it was a Costa etc. It was only afterwards that you’ve said it’s because you don’t want to socialise with your colleagues in your own time.

@BIossomtoes and @Hoppinggreen

alcohol/problem drinker is word play and semantics. OP has issues with drink and has said so.

Agree with this .
I find this so boring, tedious and dated . Do companies still do welcome drinks ???
My younger nieces/nephews hate this about their workplaces and refuse team drinks / events which are centred around pubs/bars .
They discuss it among themselves how it's always the managers in their 40s/50s who want to centre everything around drinking .
No don't go

She says quite specifically she’s not an alcoholic. And she’s been to two work Christmas parties since she gave up drink.

Nobody is doing this
OP specifically says she is NOT an alcoholic

Read the OP. This isn’t what OP is saying, she is saying she doesn’t want to go and stand around having a drink - she’s not saying she’ll find not having a drink threatens her sobriety.

OP, I get that your priorities change, especially within a drinking culture job (I am literally there) but as long as it doesn’t tempt you to go back to boozing then you need to go and have a soft drink or two and leave after an hour or two. Not drinking doesn’t stop me attending social events and it shouldn’t stop you/act as an excuse for not supporting work events (sometimes they’re a bore if you’re drinking or not but going for an hour is a nice thing to do for someone new)

I can't believe that some posters are encouraging small recovering acholic to go to pub who has clearly said she's not comfortable.

It's highly irresponsible to suggest she go against her wishes.

OP, don't go. You can simply say "it doesnsuit me this evening". You don't owe anyone a further explanation.

You go for an hour and don't drink surely?
But as for wine tasting etc yes that would be rubbish for someone who didn't drink so you could suggest some variety in activities.

I'm the same as you. I'm an introvert, and spending time with a bunch of people I wouldn't choose to socialise with and not even being paid for it would not be something I'd do.

Your firm are taking the piss with the amount of unpaid social events they demand their employees time for.

I wouldn't be going.

I would simply say due to kids/ husband family stuff I am unable to attend anything outside of my working hours. Lay the foundation down for it

Drinks after work aren’t the work of the devil, they’re pretty common in many workplaces.

OP only you know how big a deal it would be if you didn’t go. Where I work, it’s not a drama if people miss social events, but I know in some places it’s almost seen as an extension of the working day.

If your work is like mine, then don’t go at all.
If it’s a place where socialising is expected, go for an hour, drink soft drinks, then slope off. The beauty of everyone else being drunk is that they won’t notice you’ve gone.

It seems a pretty irresponsible organisation that you work for if they are so actively encouraging their employees to drink alcohol.
I would have thought in these more enlightened times they should be recognising focusing social activities on drinking is not a good thing.
And also recognising many people, like OP , don't want to drink alcohol.

I agree with this completely. It's the only sensible response so far. When I finish work I want to spend time doing things I enjoy like relaxing and spending time with my family not spending more time with work colleagues. Introduce yourself to the new colleague, be friendly and say you have a prior engagement and can't make it but hope they enjoy themselves. Job done.

The thing is probably over half the people going probably also don't want to go. Sometimes it's better to at least try and go to
these things.
I hate them too, but will go more from a selfish perspective to be seen as a team player and play the game as it were.
If you feel it will be detrimental to you to not go, then you should go. Noone is forcing you to go and stand there with an orange juice amd make small talk, only you can judge if not turning up is going to be a bad move.

She hasn’t had a drink for two years and has attended Christmas parties which is why people are suggesting popping in for an hour for a soft drink. She’s done it before.

I work with people who are detoxing and in recovery . It would not be as easy for them as just have a soft drink .

This work culture is quite discriminatory to people who need to avoid places with alcohol .

This also means includes people who would not go to a pub for religious reasons .