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Original poster

Finally snapped at Boyfriend’s crude comments

306 replies

PeachTea9 · 09/03/2025 17:55

I’m at my wits end with my boyfriend and need to vent!

For context, I’m 31 and he’s slightly younger at 28 and we’ve been together for just under a year.

He has started making increasingly crude comments and I am now getting the silent treatment for telling him to shut it and grow up earlier.

These only began a couple of months ago and started off fairly innocently by being a bit more ‘direct’ with compliments towards me which I didn’t mind to begin with.

This has now progressed to making comments publicly about people we either see out and about or people we know.

Examples:

-‘doesn’t she squash him when they have sex’ (a slightly larger lady compared to her partner - these are friends of mine)

-You could crack an egg with that (a woman we drove past walking home from the gym wearing flattering leggings)

-‘He must be hung like a horse as he’s a bit bloody dull isn’t he’ (after meeting a friend and her BF for the first time)

And the final straw which made me snap today, we drove past a lady on a horse and he said ‘I wouldn’t mind her riding me like that’ and I flipped.

I should have said something previously in hindsight as my anger was building up.

He said I need to lighten up and not be so prudish but for me, this has crossed a line. I said I’m a grown woman and this sort of talk just gives me the ick.

Do you think I overreacted?

OP posts:
AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring · 09/03/2025 19:59

Definitely dump him. The 'hung like a horse' was a perfectly normal observation (& quite funny) but the rest? Eugh. Get rid.

BMW6 · 09/03/2025 19:55

Honestly OP this is a ridiculously easy fix - just tell him to get lost!

You can do far, far better than a twerp like him!

SoundedCat · 09/03/2025 19:51

Ohdeardearme · 09/03/2025 19:47

I don't know what you mean by " north of insecure".

Fair enough if you have an open relationship but if you are supposed to be monogamous then telling your partner you fancy someone else is disrespectful.

What's the difference, apart from the crudity , between saying " she 's hot" and what OP's partner said?

But you didn't think there was anything wrong with what he said anyway so your expectations in your relationship are different from mine.

Show quote history

I think I find honesty in my relationship more important than a socially constructed perception of respect.

TheNewSchmoo · 09/03/2025 19:50

He sounds a twat and I'd get rid, but I also laughed out loud at the poster who proclaimed "He's a sexual pervert" like Hyacinth Bucket

Penguinmouse · 09/03/2025 19:47

Oh this would give me such an ick. Not worth the explaining of why these comments are inappropriate - just end it. You’ve got one child, you don’t need another.

Ohdeardearme · 09/03/2025 19:47

SoundedCat · 09/03/2025 19:32

Don't you think that's a bit north of insecure?

Show quote history

I don't know what you mean by " north of insecure".

Fair enough if you have an open relationship but if you are supposed to be monogamous then telling your partner you fancy someone else is disrespectful.

What's the difference, apart from the crudity , between saying " she 's hot" and what OP's partner said?

But you didn't think there was anything wrong with what he said anyway so your expectations in your relationship are different from mine.

DorothyStorm · 09/03/2025 19:46

PeachTea9 · 09/03/2025 19:37

Just for further context, the horse riding comment was the tip of the iceberg this weekend as he made some other crude comments when we were together on Friday night. Commenting on the appearance of people on TV shows and saying about one woman - ‘she looks like she has ate plenty of arses in her time’ - silly stuff like that but humour I left being in my teens…

To be honest, i think he wants you to finish with him. And the fact you are not finishing with him after he told you he wants a random women to fuck him, shows poor boundaries of you.

DwarfPalmetto · 09/03/2025 19:43

It's not funny, it's disrespectful. I wouldn't put up with it.

GiddyRobin · 09/03/2025 19:43

PeachTea9 · 09/03/2025 19:37

Just for further context, the horse riding comment was the tip of the iceberg this weekend as he made some other crude comments when we were together on Friday night. Commenting on the appearance of people on TV shows and saying about one woman - ‘she looks like she has ate plenty of arses in her time’ - silly stuff like that but humour I left being in my teens…

That's disgusting. He's literally telling you how he thinks about women. It's not "silly", it's offensive. I couldn't sit in the same room as him, let alone have sex with him. Urgh.

SparklyBrickViper · 09/03/2025 19:41

He’s given me the ick without even having to meet him.

Neveranynamesleft · 09/03/2025 19:40

We really don't need to hear about any more of his nonsense and surely you don't need any more people to tell you to get rid....

NinaNina83 · 09/03/2025 19:40

That's so unattractive Blush

LBFseBrom · 09/03/2025 19:40

I wouldn't like that, op. Whatever he may say to you in private, as long as it's gentle, is one thing but in public and about others is just not on.

There are much older men who talk freely like that. They are the sort you would be advised to avoid at work.

I belong to a couple of 'elderly people's' facebook groups and there are men who post lewd remarks, jokes and pictures. When people complain, and they do, they're shut down and told to lighten up, not be prudish. It is usually women who tell them they are disgusting but some men find it highly embarrassing and say it makes them feel ashamed. I won't tell you what I read today. What is shocking is that there are some women who openly encourage it (I can almost hear them cackling), and we're all old! Imagine if any of their children or grandchildren saw it.

Your chap needs to be told, guidelines about what is appropriate and what is not. I sincerely hope he grows out of it. If not, you know what you have to do.

Original poster
PeachTea9 · 09/03/2025 19:37

Just for further context, the horse riding comment was the tip of the iceberg this weekend as he made some other crude comments when we were together on Friday night. Commenting on the appearance of people on TV shows and saying about one woman - ‘she looks like she has ate plenty of arses in her time’ - silly stuff like that but humour I left being in my teens…

OP posts:
Ihavethebestdogs · 09/03/2025 19:35

Don't you mean ex-boyfriend? If you don't, you should....and pronto! What a pig!

SoundedCat · 09/03/2025 19:32

Ohdeardearme · 09/03/2025 19:26

You think a guy turning to his partner and saying " wow she's hot" when he sees another woman is acceptable?
It very slightly less crude than what OP's partner said but I don't think telling your partner you think another random woman is "hot" is appropriate either!

Show quote history

Don't you think that's a bit north of insecure?

Iwanttoliveonamountain · 09/03/2025 19:30

Some people will find that funny some people won’t. You don’t.

Disco2022 · 09/03/2025 19:29

Urgh read my message without the random apostrophe! Daughters

TwistedWonder · 09/03/2025 19:29

Another MN thread where a woman is dating Jay from The Inbetweeners.

Honestly he sounds a totally immature dick

Disco2022 · 09/03/2025 19:28

Depending on how old your daughter is I would explain to her in an age appropriate way why you broke up with him (and you should) our daughter's need us to model these boundaries to them so they don't grow up putting up with the same shit.

Incakewetrust · 09/03/2025 19:28

So he said he wanted another woman to have sex with him and you're still with him?

Ohdeardearme · 09/03/2025 19:26

Onlyvisiting · 09/03/2025 19:19

It's not about finding other people attractive though is it? There is a big difference between saying to your partner 'wow, she's hot' and looking at a random passing woman and making a crude sexual comment. How would you feel about it if you were the one he was leering at? It's just ick.

Show quote history

You think a guy turning to his partner and saying " wow she's hot" when he sees another woman is acceptable?
It very slightly less crude than what OP's partner said but I don't think telling your partner you think another random woman is "hot" is appropriate either!

Bestfootforward11 · 09/03/2025 19:25

not an overreacting at all. Sounds like he’s about 12.

VenusClapTrap · 09/03/2025 19:20

I can’t bear men like that. If that makes me humourless, fine. It would be over for me.

Onlyvisiting · 09/03/2025 19:19

SororitySister · 09/03/2025 19:01

Don't get me wrong, misogyny is rife in society and we need to stamp it out where we can, but we're losing sight of the real problem if we keep pretending that finding other women, whether or not they say it aloud, is misogynistic. Are you really going to act like you've never thought about being railed by Aiden Turner or Regé-Jean Page... or some hot thing in Levi's and a tight tee in Tesco?

Show quote history

It's not about finding other people attractive though is it? There is a big difference between saying to your partner 'wow, she's hot' and looking at a random passing woman and making a crude sexual comment. How would you feel about it if you were the one he was leering at? It's just ick.