Finally snapped at Boyfriend’s crude comments

I have millions of thoughts every day that I do not share with my husband.

It's not lying by omission. It is not dishonesty.

I would gain no benefit from knowing that he just thought about how nice it would be to shag the waitress serving us.

Am I meant to get excited by that? What do I do with that information? 'Oh great darling, I am so glad you told me. I feel so connected to you when you tell me you are thinking about shagging someone else. Thank you for sharing your inner world with me dear'.

It is not dishonest, thoughts are allowed to be private. In fact, a great many should be kept private.

OP- you know your boyfriend is shit. But I'm guessing you're not going to end it.

@PeachTea9

So he was a 'model boyfriend' until he met your DD? Interesting.

Sounds to me as if he was on his 'best behaviour' until you made a gesture that showed him you had become emotionally 'attached' and considered him a long term prospect. Now he can relax and start to let his 'true self' shine through. Wonder what other little red flags he has in store for you. I don't know if you think the fact that he apparently can't go a week without showing behaviour or making 'comments' to the point you felt you had to 'satisfy' him to shut him up is a red flag, but it is for me.

Hmm I can't see any man I've dated appreciating being told that I'd really like to sleep with someone else...

I also wouldn't want a boyfriend telling me they really like my friend's body..

Are you really sure you talk like this with your husband?

Sexual ‘frustration’ leads him to tell you he’d like to be ridden by other women? This is the vilest of behaviour. I’d clamp shut after this, OP. The ick would never go away. It’s almost like a threat, isn’t it: service me regularly or I’ll make it clear I’ll lust after other women. He thinks about women like they are objects. And this is just what he says aloud.

It's not really crude humour, it's rude personal remarks. None of it's funny?

There's plenty of ways to do crude humour without objectifying women.

Dump him and work on your self esteem.

😂
Ah but do you jet wash those?

Bollocks

oh dear god has he got anything good going for him!??!

hes an arsehole. Forget the holiday = dump him!!!!

Why not though? I would imagine that in the 20 years you've been together you have both noticed other attractive people. It might even be possible that one or both of you have thought about another person in a sexual context. Why is it against the 'relationship rules' to be honest about your inner life with the person you love and trust most in the world? Why is it courteous to lie by ommision? Isn't honestly more respectful? Wouldn't more truth lead to greater emotional intimacy

We all have our preferences in a relationship. I suppose it's only a problem if the two of you disagree. We don't have rules we've discussed, we've just never done the open commenting thing - I wouldn't like it, and knowing DH as I do, neither would he. It wouldn't feel very cherishing for us.
If something different works for you, great.

Why not though? I would imagine that in the 20 years you've been together you have both noticed other attractive people. It might even be possible that one or both of you have thought about another person in a sexual context. Why is it against the 'relationship rules' to be honest about your inner life with the person you love and trust most in the world? Why is it courteous to lie by ommision? Isn't honestly more respectful? Wouldn't more truth lead to greater emotional intimacy?

@PeachTea9 So, basically, unless your boyfriend is getting some, he feels he can act like a teenaged twat-waffle?

As the above posters have said, that he turned it back unto you is nothing but insulting. Not even man enough to own his shite.

Oh so his crude comments are your fault because you're on your period and he's not had enough sex - urghhh he gets worse

Oh yuck.
He's not had sex for a while so he's OK to talk puerile shit? Poor diddums can't be expected to help it.
Is he not a bit old for blue balls excuses?

I'd be wary he's verging on saying it's partly your fault too. You and your periods made him do it.

🤮🤮🤮

Well he sounds even more of a prince with every update. Crude, vulgar, juvenile, misogynistic and only interested in shooting his load.

Please dump this absolute wanker

He does not see women as people, he just sees them as objects and this includes the OP as he obviously thinks it is acceptable to come out with this puerile shit in front of her.

He's a pig.

Don't you think that's a bit north of insecure?

Not at all. DH in two decades together has never commented like that on another woman's appearance, and I've shown him the same courtesy.

He’s got comfortable with you and he’s showing you who he really is. Believe him and dump him. Fast.

Sure.
And now he has shown you that he is a pig.
Forget about him and trying to understand the way he is, that is not on you.
What is on you is that he is around your daughter, and he shouldn't be.
He's a pig.
He's not good enough to be around you or your child.
These things are very simple when you know what your priorities are.

Him saying that he wanted the horse woman to ride him wouldn’t bother me and would be the least offensive out of all of the comments.

But I can’t stand when people feel the need to comment on other peoples body’s.
It’s childish and the person obviously has insecurities and issues that I couldn’t be bothered to deal with in a partner.

This won’t get any better and the fact that he blamed you being on your period is such a slap in the face!

Basically if he ever acts like a twat it’s your fault because you’re not giving him enough sex - nice.

Were all of the comments when he couldn’t have sex?

Show your daughter that it’s not acceptable to be treated like this.

Sorry you've had some nasty comments on here, OP. Mumsnetters can be so awful sometimes.