Teenage boys rooms/hygiene

A girlfriend perhaps.

When mine were teens, their rooms varied but were generally pretty untidy. I left it alone and only insisted that

Bed linen changed regularly
Cups, plates etc were brought down (this involved some nagging)
I only did laundry if they put it in the laundry basket. I did not pick up dirty clothes from their floor so if they wanted it washed, they brought it down.

Otherwise, I just closed the door and left them to it. Usually they would have a big overhaul and clean when it got bad. I always told them I was happy to hoover if the floor was clear and spray and wipe surfaces if they were clear-ish.

The personal hygiene thing I would tackle head on - he needs to shower every day and it's non-negotiable. Being smelly and dirty is unpleasant to be around and is unacceptable 😒

I'd also agree that girlfriend was the tipping point for tidying his room here- it's still not brilliant but less of a health hazard. He also fortunately loves sleeping in a cold room with the window open- making sure the window's open every day definitely helps with the teenage boy aroma.

If they want to live like pigs in their own place that is fine but in MY home there are rules. I don’t discuss them. They are just the rules.

I have younger teens but it's bribery in our house.

WiFi goes off until it's done. Pocket money / treats are not paid for if basic chores are not done.

I can't help, sorry.

My DS is moving out soon and it's the one thing I'm genuinely excited about.

I'd rather have a walk round Chernobyl than enter his room 🤢

Mine are younger teens. I have turned WiFi off to get room cleaning done.

We got mice once and that scared the crap out of them and we had tidy rooms for good year

I don't know.

I have two that are younger, but similarly, I have one with a stinky room, and one with a stinky body.

The son who's stinky is just me forcing him to shower, with the threat of me hosing him down outside (only half-joking)

The room - I just don't know - he changes his bedding (including pillow and duvet - not just the cover, I wash the entire duvet) every week (I dump the clean set on his desk, and he dumps the dirty set in the laundry, so I know it's happening), his laundry basket is emptied (and honestly, doesn't smell bad). I've tried daily window openings, air fresheners, carpet stuff, even an ozone generator, still, there's a lingering odour of teenage male.

I have girls. One is fine, but she is a swimmer so out at training a lot. So the hygiene is by default as she is chlorinated a lot. I don’t go in her room without permission if she keeps it reasonable.

second different kettle of fish. Really struggled when she stopped swimming to get her to shower. I think what did it is growing her cropped hair out- she needed to wash her hair more regularly to keep it looking nice. That and we got a big fancy shower.

her room is terrible. The compromise is her privacy. When it gets bad I will go in there and clean it out. No warning, no threats. She cannot tell me I’m not allowed in there. Second is washing. I refuse to wash anything that’s not in a washing basket, and if it isn’t down on a Friday night there’s no guarantee it will be done this week. Took a few episodes of “where’s my blue shirt” for it to still be on the floor 3 weeks later for her to get it.

I feel your pain. 22 year old ND DS.

His room was generally fine as a child, he would tidy up with me. But he hit puberty and it all went to pot (literally, at one point).

I am strict with washing up. I have rearranged the cupboards and he uses the mugs/bowls/cutlery etc from THAT cupboard. They are "his" to use. It sort of works in that I know how many of each there should be and I can say "2 mugs, a bowl and a spoon and a fork are up there somewhere". Then he brings them down. If I just say "bring down the washing up" some appears but most of it gets left upstairs. Being ND, he likes that these items are used by him.

Showering and laundry has got better since he started work. He has a uniform that needs to be washed regularly and he wants to look smart, but he will still often just resort to spraying deodorant all over rather than showering. If all else fails I simply tell him he smells of armpits and I run him a bath. He usually gets in.

Teeth are a different matter, I know he doesn't clean them enough. But he is 22 and I just point out he will have dentures by 40, so it's his lookout. But oddly, I never really noticed bad breath.

He knows that every couple of weeks I will black sack his room of anything I can't see a reason for, so if he wants to keep something it has to be put away. Its a work in progress.

19 year old DS is the same, room is a mess. 13 DD is fastidiously tidy and puts clothes in our washing basket that are not dirty by my standards! Polar opposites.

This morning I asked DS if he was going to start some washing. Looks in his wardrobe and says "no I've still got plenty of clean clothes left". I had a word about the rubbish on the floor "does that not bother you, please clean it up" he shrugged and wouldn't commit but I've peeked in his room and it's all been bagged up.

Small and often reminders nagging and lowering my standards sort of works.

I haven't been in my youngest sons room since he was 12. He's 22 now. For years it was, i assume, a shit hole but now the hoover and cleaning products disappear into his room. As long as he is hygienic in other areas of his life, hw he can live how he chooses

Against all MN regulars:

Leave them be

It's their rooms, they have to deal with not being able to find things. Just insist on no food

And they will be the ones avoided if they stink so will have natural conseuqences. Most you can do is "I'm not going to X with you if you haven't showered"

They are adults.

I thought it was just my kids who were like this...sorry no advice!

Rules, rules. My view is that I am not going to have BO in my house. It’s disgusting and I won’t put up with it. It’s my job as a parent to ensure that they aren’t known as the smelly boy that no one wants to sit next to. It would break my heart if that happened so I just don’t take any excuses. No plates and cups allowed whatsoever overnight. I will do laundry but it needs to be in the basket, At a push I will pick up clothes but give them a warning. I didn’t care whether they will think I am nagging. Tough shit if they do! They will thank me one day.

They have now moved out. They smell lovely when they visit. They have laundered clothes, one sons girlfriend admitted she does his ironing but son is a fab cook.

My job is done. Quite honestly It’s your house. You sit down with them and tell them the rules. No discussions. If they want to live in a pig sty that’s fine but not under your roof.

Exactly the same as @Porcuporpoise my sons are 22 and 19 and their rooms are clean and tidy because when they were younger they tidied every day. Nothing was allowed to build up. I think it also helped that both children had medical needs meaning there were often times we were walking into their rooms to get to them in the early hours of the morning and I told them I did not want to fall on my way in or if there was a fire, for them to tangle in clothing and fall on their way out.

It is all well and good saying it is their room but they will share at some point in their lives, whether that is the communal areas at uni (and I could post some horrific photos of Ds's experience of sharing a kitchen) house sharing or living with a partner.

The same with personal hygiene. Not negotiable and disgusting to inflict that on other people so shower daily. It is all about routine, shower daily, tidy daily.

The rat droppings ones worked on younger children, you can use wild rice which looks very similar. I would put some down, take a photo of it then clean it up and tell them you may have mice or rats and they need to clear their room. If you want to be extra sneaky, hide a bluetooth speaker and play some squeaking

It comes down to being more determined to have a clean and tidy house so you have to stand over them. This is easier when they are younger and then they know you mean business. It gets harder when they are older although we have a router that can cut individual devices and leave ours still connected.

We were a similar position. The basic rule was they were responsible for their own rooms as they were semi grown up. Their option was to give me laundry or do it themselves. I would remind them to bring dishes down and put them in the dish washer. If a room got too bad (and requests for them to tidy it up had been ignored) I would simply put a notice on the room door stating that unless it was tidied by X date I would be going in with a black bin bag and everything would go into the bin bag. They knew I meant it so it worked.
Personal hygiene wise, it helps if there are any particular types of product they like. Otherwise you just bide your time, keep reminding them and eventually they improve. Especially when a girl is involved.😄

My son went through a stage of having poor hygiene and not washing his hair enough. His hair looked greasy and it smelled. He was about 14. His hygiene suddenly improved a lot overnight when we went on a walk on holiday through a field where cows had been kept, so there were quite a lot of flies around. Much to all our amusement, except his, he had a cloud of flies buzzing round his head as we walked through the field. It was JUST like in a cartoon. 😂I still laugh thinking of it now. In fact, I've got a video somewhere of him trying to flap them away and looking enraged. He stomped ahead of us holding the hood of his hoodie tight around his head.

Yanbu

I have a 16yo who keeps his clothes in a heap on the floor and has to be chased into the shower three times a week.

He knows what to do. There's lashings of hot water, warm towels, manly toiletries. He just doesn't see it as a priority.

When he's being particularly obstinate, I refuse to serve supper until he's showered and washed his hair.

Hopefully he'll meet a girl and everything will change. Soon! 😁

Saw an amazing hack on social media where you dye rice black then leave some scattered on the floor. When you 'discover' it with your child you claim it's rat droppings and oh my gosh they must be nesting in your dirty room. Cue a very stressed child making sure room is immaculate forever more!!
Maybe you could use this for the showering more too - 'they must be attracted to the smell of BO' .... worth a shot?!

I have three boys - the younger two are teenagers. All have different standards of tidiness in their rooms. All have times when there’s are fair amount of mess. They tend to tidy if there are girlfriends/friends who are girls coming over. I do moan at them to bring crockery down but don’t sweat too much about general state of their rooms as I can shut the door on it.
Personal hygiene is harder and I don’t really know what else you can do except keep moaning. Doesn’t his brother give him a hard time about it? Mine shower I think predominantly for social reasons.

From my experience, as soon as they get a girlfriend they no longer want to
live like stinky messes!

Sympathies.

My 18 year old girl is pretty good, but her 15 year old sister is a car crash

@Newname71 - a girl on the horizon?

I really don't think this is that uncommon and as with the person who comes up with a cure for the common cold, anyone who comes up with a failsafe answer could make a fortune.

My son has always been quite tidy in his room, I never allowed food in his bedroom, helped that no TV in his room till he was 16.
Showering was another matter. I was fairly brutal with him in the end- told him no one would want to sit with him at school or on the bus and he could forget about girls. He's 21 now, showers every day.
I've had 2 foster children, both boys. They're rooms are absolute tips. The only way I can get them to do anything is pocket money is conditional on a tidy room. So it's tidy for about an hour a week. But at least the actual rubbish gets removed.
@YourChirpyCoralAnt withholding of pocket money a bit too late for your two, but maybe it's time for a bit of straight talking of the grow up variety
I do think you have to accept that at this age, they aren't going to have the same standards as you but maybe there is room for setting a minimum standard, eg shower three times a week, tidy up once a week or you will hold taxi service or some other favour/privilege