Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teenage boys rooms/hygiene

57 replies

YourChirpyCoralAnt · 09/03/2025 17:13

AGHHH.

I have two DS 17 and 19.

They are both at college full time. They both help and do their chores in the main places of the house.

It's their rooms and hygiene. Ones room is an absolute shit heap but he's obsessive about washing his clothes and being clean having nice hair and skin etc.

The other one has a tidy room but will happily go days without a shower and will end up stinking to high heaven if we didn't force him into the shower.

Anyone have any advice on what to do? My youngest can trash his room within a day. I have no idea how.

Not being rude, but having seen replies on other posts:

. They watch me and dad clean regularly. Dad is hands on.
. We have shown them how to use cleaning products. They are able to clean the other parts of the house.
. We have probably about 100 times sat in their rooms whilst we show them how to step by step clean them with the correct products and systems
. I don't want to hear from people who have young children leaving judgey comments who have 0 experience with teenagers
. I don't want to hear from people blowing their own whistle about how they moved out at 19 and they don't get why it's so hard
. I appreciate I'm 'lucky' they help around the house but ones room and ones hygeine is affecting the common areas by smells
. Dont need any stupid comments telling me to kick them out or divorce my children or anything ridiculous of the same ilk

I need some genuine advice from other teenagers parents or is this just what it is 🤣 don't really know any inappropriate discipline for them at this age as they are both driving/learning to drive and are basically adults.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
BobbyBiscuits · 10/03/2025 10:50

The one with the tidy room who stinks, you just have to tell him when he stinks and that it's grim and he won't get a partner of either sex smelling that way!
The one who smells good with the stinky room, pay the other one to clean his brothers room?!

happy2025 · 10/03/2025 10:47

Cleaner once a week makes sure the room is clean and sheets changed.

Best that I do not open the wardrobe and turn a blind eye to the clothes and other mess in the room.

Teen DD so largely on top of personal hygiene and looking smart.

I dread to think of how her Uni room will look 😳

Samesame47 · 10/03/2025 08:17

I have 2 teenage daughters, to the outside world they are always beautifully presented, both very clean, shower at least once a day, have hair and skin care regimes. Their rooms are shit tips though, my eldest is definitely the worst. I have tried everything, I now just leave them to it, it’s their space and I have no need to go in there. The only thing I insist oN Is that they bring dishes down. They are both great girls, study hard, have little jobs and are kind, helpful, respectful so if a messy room is all I have to put up with (easily avoided by not going in there) then I will take that as their only flaw

Newname71 · 10/03/2025 08:15

ladymammalade · 10/03/2025 07:51

He's receiving guests while you're at work 😂

Show quote history

He always has a house full of mates round! 😁

maximalistmaximus · 10/03/2025 08:14

  1. unless it's mouldy food leave it be. If he's leaving food to go off lower the food purchases for him.

  2. try baths over showers, suggest armpit shaving?

FriendsDrinkBook · 10/03/2025 08:07

It's so hard. The only thing that actually worked was being blunt. All of this setting them a good example and showing them how to clean did very little with our son. I had to tell him that his room was stinky and his (4 month old) dirty sheets were making him stink also. No point in showering then sleeping in that bed. I had to do this periodically otherwise he'd slip back into bad habits.

The other solution (as mentioned) is them having a new love interest. They clean up quickly for potential dates.

Blackcordoroys · 10/03/2025 07:59

Skippydoodle · 09/03/2025 20:32

Your house, your rules. Suck it up or leave. When you say it, MEAN IT. Job done.

Oh come off it. These are teenagers learning how to sort themselves out and their parents love them.

Blackcordoroys · 10/03/2025 07:57

My teen son gets in the shower when I tell him to but doesn’t wash! Jsut stands in the hot water! I mean Jesus it would be the work of twenty seconds to wash his pits when he’s already there. I do not understand and have no advice OP only sympathy

ladymammalade · 10/03/2025 07:57

OP - I think the only thing that works with teenagers is withdrawal of privileges/money.

Decide what you're prepared to let go/what's non negotiable. Have a timetable if you have to. If they don't do what you want them to do switch wifi off/don't give them lifts/withdraw allowance, whatever you think will affect them the most.

ladymammalade · 10/03/2025 07:51

Newname71 · 09/03/2025 17:18

No advice but I feel your pain!
Our 17 year olds room was like a crack den, then all of a sudden about a month ago he’s started cleaning it every day and has even tidied and cleaned the rest of the house while we’re at work!!
im not sure what’s triggered this new improved DS but I like it! 😂

He's receiving guests while you're at work 😂

Original poster
YourChirpyCoralAnt · 10/03/2025 07:42

TeaRoseTallulah · 09/03/2025 22:58

Concentrate on the DS who has issues with personal hygiene,just leave the other one to his own devices.

I would ask him every day if he's showered and if not why not. Treat him like a toddler for a bit .

He's doing mechanics at college. Him and his friends all go to the pub on a Friday after college all greased up and I think the time he goes theres loads of other trades in there and he's saying well they are all dressed the same. That's a big problem. He got sent home to change from a club after trying to get in with work boots and had to drag all his mates back to ours to change so I think that's at least instilled him now changing into nicer trainers when he leaves the house.

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 09/03/2025 23:27

My son is the former - he always looks good, showers daily and is quite obsessive about his oral hygiene and skin care (thanks to his first girlfriend at 15 who was into make up and skin). But his room can be a tip. I'd rather it that way round!

TeaRoseTallulah · 09/03/2025 22:58

Concentrate on the DS who has issues with personal hygiene,just leave the other one to his own devices.

I would ask him every day if he's showered and if not why not. Treat him like a toddler for a bit .

NC28 · 09/03/2025 22:51

I struggle to think that I’d be on board with the “shut the door and ignore” approach.

That’s a home that I pay the mortgage for, that I work to maintain and keep in good repair/condition.

All for someone to treat part of it like a bin? No way.

mydudero · 09/03/2025 21:34

I remember reading a story once about a mum who bought a pack of uncle Ben's microwave rice - the one with black / brown bits in - and sprinkled a few bits in her teenage son's dump of a bedroom. Told son there must be mice due to the filth / food everywhere and room was soon spotless 😂

Gogogo12345 · 09/03/2025 21:24

Newname71 · 09/03/2025 17:18

No advice but I feel your pain!
Our 17 year olds room was like a crack den, then all of a sudden about a month ago he’s started cleaning it every day and has even tidied and cleaned the rest of the house while we’re at work!!
im not sure what’s triggered this new improved DS but I like it! 😂

My DS cleaned his room ore regularly when he got a girlfriend who was staying over. He's always been great at personal hygiene but the room was a shit tip.

Had to enforce him checking out rubbish each week open windows while he was out and shut the door

CautiousLurker01 · 09/03/2025 21:19

Theunamedcat · 09/03/2025 17:16

Open door spray air freshener close door

Enforce removal of food rubbish and dirty clothing

Thats About it

This is what i do these days (16 and 19yo). Made the mistake of having en suites made for them and the mess was/is revolting. Seem to be unable to flush an effing toilet, esp overnight. After a year of begging, pleading, yelling, cajoling I have up 2 weeks ago and got a cleaner.

I feel your pain!

NC28 · 09/03/2025 21:13

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 09/03/2025 18:32

Against all MN regulars:

Leave them be

It's their rooms, they have to deal with not being able to find things. Just insist on no food

And they will be the ones avoided if they stink so will have natural conseuqences. Most you can do is "I'm not going to X with you if you haven't showered"

They are adults.

But she said the smell is going through the house, so it’s beyond their room only.

stayathomer · 09/03/2025 21:05

Tell them there’s mice in there or tell them if they get sick it’s going to be pretty difficult to clean up their stuff and it’ll have to get dumped. No advice just make sure the window gets opened daily

AmusedGoose · 09/03/2025 21:03

My DH would deal with it and they all respect him enough to do as he asked. Beyond that back off, they may change when girls begin to feature in their lives more.

Whycanineverthinkofone · 09/03/2025 20:45

Skippydoodle · 09/03/2025 20:32

Your house, your rules. Suck it up or leave. When you say it, MEAN IT. Job done.

Yeah can’t really throw a 15 year old out for being untidy. Or even a 17/18 year old if they’re still at school. That would be really shitty parenting.

DGPP · 09/03/2025 20:39

Rules. Everyone here has to have a shower every day. Otherwise, dinner won’t get served.
tidy up once a week for cleaner

Skippydoodle · 09/03/2025 20:32

Your house, your rules. Suck it up or leave. When you say it, MEAN IT. Job done.

Newname71 · 09/03/2025 20:26

Deedeesharpwhatkindoflady · 09/03/2025 20:15

A girlfriend perhaps.

Show quote history

He’s been with his girlfriend for 2 years, so I don’t think it’s that. I’m leaning towards alien abduction tbh the change in him is that dramatic!! 😂
He's pinched my new wax burner now!

shellyleppard · 09/03/2025 20:18

Mum to two teenage boys who share a room. I just go in to open the window or put clean clothes in. Yes its untidy but its up to them to keep it clean and tidy. Only rule is no food in the room

Swipe left for the next trending thread