Would you check your partners phone if you suspected them cheating?

This. Have done before and would do again. Je ne regrettez RIEN!

No, there is nothing in the world that would make me, if is suspected anything illegal i would call the police immediately, anything less i would communicate

And i would expect the same in return, I dont track i dont or use other technology to justify stalking or anything else with a dressed up label

Yes

Absolutely, it’s hard for them to gaslight when confronted with proof

No because I would not know how to access their phone because that's stalking

No, I wouldn't. Not for their sake, but for mine. I would not let anyone erode my character or values in that way. Privacy is a very important right.

If you get to the point of playing detective, it's over anyway.

100 per cent this.

It’s not just about looking, it’s being prepared for what you might find, dealing with that and the consequences of challenging them or them finding out some other way that you looked, even if you can work through it, the trust has gone for both of you and the relationship can never be the same again no matter how hard you might try, if you even want to try, but equally if you are really concerned something is going on, physical or emotional, how do you deal with not finding out the truth, that too becomes a serious obstacle to a continued relationship so on balance yes, but don’t expect an easy outcome

You can keep saying it's not your rules it doesn't make it right or healthy, that's like saying some people's rules don't include not hitting or verbally abusing 🙄 The fact is privacy is a normal right in a healthy relationship - you have private thoughts, feelings and a right to not have these invaded by your partner by them checking your personal possessions. If you want an answer from your partner - ask them- and yet you're advocating going behind their back, checking personal possessions where they could have their own private notes, private conversations with friends and family etc but that betrayal is ok to "keep secret" yet privacy is too far for you 🤨 make it make sense at least and be consistent

Absolutely. I know many will say it's wrong,but then,so is he likely to be doing something wrong.

I see that you have checked and it didn’t look great but, on the whole, I’m not sure how productive it is.

Unless you find hard evidence, what are you going to do? Not finding anything at all also isn’t necessarily indicative of them NOT cheating, they may just be deleting stuff and then how often are you going to check?

Phone calls can be explained away with lies “pocket dial” for example. Texts, ditto, unless they’re explicit. If someone is prepared to cheat they’re already going to try and lie their way out of it.

I don’t know what the answer is though

Yes, would and have looked.

No, I wouldn't confront. I would take the time to get all my plans in order.

I would also take screenshots or photos of the evidence now. It helps with the gaslighting and lies that cheaters tend to do.

With respect, these really are your rules, not mine or anyone else's.

I think you need to look up privacy Vs secrecy. You're advocating secrecy and no privacy 🫠They're not "my definitions" if you really don't think privacy is a pillar of a respectful healthy relationship, good luck!

I don't have his password and don't want it so not an option.

Yes, I'd look.

If I saw something, I'd keep it to myself and play detective for a while.

Plan my escape route, get my shit together first.

Hope you're okay x

That presumes someone is up to something in the first place, someone may be cheating or someome paranoid doesn't mean something is actually going on

And he would probably deny it…

I wouldn’t because I’d rather confront than snoop. For me, personal phones/devices are off limits without permission.

If I had concerns; I would ask and hope I would know if he was lying.

He’s never given me any reason to be worried about what he was up to.

I do disagree with the poster who defines the need to snoop as a sign it’s all over anyway. It really is NOT that simple and some worries are borne from hormone changes that increase anxiety (especially the irrational kind!), such as around perimenopause.

I think if you've reached the stage where you have reason to snoop, it's probably all over anyway.

Yes but only if i suspected cheating, I probably would not confront him straight away, I would build up evidence and take screenshot.
I'd also get all my ducks in a row incase I wanted to divorce him.
I'd probably see a solicitor to get advice of what financial evidence i needed, just incase.

I mean, would you look through someone's gym or work bag for something like condoms or receipts, or their drawers for, say, a gift at Christmas? If so, why are electronics so different in principle? I wouldn't believe a 'no' by the way. Not in a serious relationship where leaving would spell major upheaval. I'm not interested in legislation, I'm asking about the principle.

No, they're your definitions. Others disagree.

DH and I know each other’s passcode but don’t check the other’s phone.