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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH arrived home after night out with another woman

140 replies

FlyAway25 · 09/03/2025 08:11

I have had an absolute night of it…apologies if the below is long winded.

DH and I are in the process of separating. Decision was made just after Christmas with that being the final straw.

DH moved into spare room which is on the top floor of the house, so between being up there and working away fairly regularly (one of our issues), we have managed not to see much of each other and the house is in the process of being sold (luckily we had an offer at asking price within a week of it being listed).

DH has been seeing his friends more regularly and staying out later if he goes out on a Friday or Saturday.

I knew he was going out last night and I was woken by him crashing in at gone 2am. This would usually annoy me but I can go back to sleep easy enough.

I then heard what sounded like heels walking on our wooden hallway floor downstairs. I immediately got up out of bed looked downstairs and DH had a woman with him. She looked a bit worse for wear and as soon as she saw me, she turned to DH and said something along the lies of ‘you didn’t tell me about her’, said ‘I’m so sorry’ to me and immediately left the house with DH following after her.

He didn’t return after this and still isn’t home now, so I can only assume they went back to hers instead.

I know we are in the process of separating but AIBU to suggest that it is completely disrespectful for him to bring someone home whilst we are still under the same roof?

I live nearly 2 hours from my parents and my job is here so moving out isn’t an option. DH has some family near but his argument has been that he’s away working so much it makes no sense for him to move out for the sake of a few months. I want him gone after this.

OP posts:
Moveoverdarlin · 09/03/2025 09:41

BlondiePortz · 09/03/2025 09:18

Well one did

Show quote history

No she didn’t. She apologised and left immediately.

Original poster
FlyAway25 · 09/03/2025 09:39

He got through the door 20 minutes ago out a taxi and seemed a bit drunk still. He walked into the kitchen where I was and asked why I’m jealous of him moving on which I said I’m not but didn’t appreciate him disrespecting me like that in my own home.

He said he owns half the house so can do what he wants but ‘no need to worry as she was only in the area for one night so won’t be seeing her again’. And he said he will give me advance notice next time to which I told him to off and he went upstairs.

Assuming she was in a hotel I don’t know why they didn’t just go there to begin with!

OP posts:
Gcsunnyside23 · 09/03/2025 09:29

That's so disrespectful! It doesn't matter that you both own equally it that you're splitting up , you aren't random lodgers to each other. If he's not going to be here often if he's working away then I'd ask him to think about living with family until the sale is complete. Yes he might not agree but hopefully he's not such a complete insensitive knob when he's sober as he is when drunk

TheIceBear · 09/03/2025 09:25

I agree op. I think it’s totally disrespectful. He can see whoever he wants as you are separating but bringing them to your home is just inappropriate,rude and selfish. I don’t blame you for wanting him gone now.

Sunshine1500 · 09/03/2025 09:25

If he wants to bring women back at 2am or whenever, he should move out.

Sunshine1500 · 09/03/2025 09:23

Just see his behaviour as confirmation you’re on a better path to happiness and leave him behind!
very disrespectful.

EBearhug · 09/03/2025 09:23

BlondiePortz · 09/03/2025 09:18

Well one did

Show quote history

It sounds like she didn't know the circumstances until she was there.

Sassybooklover · 09/03/2025 09:19

A similar thing happened to a family member. He started dating a woman, they went back to hers, were getting down in the bedroom, when the front door slammed. My family member looked startled and stopped, for said woman to say 'Oh don't worry it's only my husband'!!! They'd separated but were still living in the same house, a fact she failed to mention!! Let's just say, my family member got out of the house pronto! Absolutely disrespectful to you. I think you both need some ground rules and boundaries. Bringing a random shag home is really inappropriate, especially not telling her the set-up either.

BlondiePortz · 09/03/2025 09:18

madamweb · 09/03/2025 08:21

He's being disrespectful to both of you.

And foolish. No self respecting woman is going to appreciate a man talking her back to the house in these circumstances.

Well one did

HH4432 · 09/03/2025 09:17

"D"H??

sixtyandfabulousofcourse · 09/03/2025 09:16

obviously he told her a pack of lies too but its brass neck cheek to do such a thing. Obviously it is a difficult situation to be living in but you are trying to be fair so he has pushed this too far.
I would be telling him to stop with a mate for now

OneAquaFatball · 09/03/2025 09:16

ExtraOnions · 09/03/2025 09:03

He might not have only met her tonight, but seeing her for a few weeks
She may well have been over previously when you weren’t there
You have had friends over yourself
You are separated … he may well have forgotten you were even there.

Why did you get up up take a look ?

You need to change your living situation.

how long he’s known her makes no difference.

if he has such a bad short term memory he’s forgotten he co habits the house with someone he is in the process of getting divorced from, and he is the one who wants to be bringing people back for a shag, it is indeed him who needs to change his living situation.

you on the other hand need to examine your urgent need to go to bat for a geezer you dont even know who can’t show someone he promised to love and respect the basic decency of not having to hear him fuck. the lady with him managed to - and also immediately recognised why it was something requiring an apology (though she shouldnt have been in the position of needing to give it for him)

5128gap · 09/03/2025 09:15

Of course he knows it's not OK. He would have to have the intelligence if a house brick to think otherwise. I'm thinking you are the one driving the separation OP? He sounds angry and this sounds like an act of aggression.

WaterMonkey · 09/03/2025 09:13

Could you speed up the moving out/moving on process? I feel a bit sorry for the other woman, to be honest. He used her to get a reaction out of you; I’d feel pretty humiliated if I were her. You really can’t start your new life until he’s out of your hair.

Original poster
FlyAway25 · 09/03/2025 09:12

ExtraOnions · 09/03/2025 09:03

He might not have only met her tonight, but seeing her for a few weeks
She may well have been over previously when you weren’t there
You have had friends over yourself
You are separated … he may well have forgotten you were even there.

Why did you get up up take a look ?

You need to change your living situation.

Because I didn’t really fancy the prospect of hearing them ‘at it’ in the room above me!

I highly doubt they have been seeing each other for weeks. DH is away more often than not at the moment and we’ve only been technically ‘over’ for little more than two months.

I wasn’t rude , but I’d have no backbone if I didn’t get up.

OP posts:
Orangesinthebag · 09/03/2025 09:08

JoyDreamer86 · 09/03/2025 08:29

You've separated, house is in process of being sold, you hardly ever see each other. He was presumably drunk and it was early hours so perhaps thought he could sneak in but made more noise due to being drunk. There's no kids involved. Its crappy but not a big deal. Your both separate adults now.

I hate posts like this.
Of course he can do what he wants but FFS these people married each other, it's not just a casual relationship that's broken up!
He is a complete wanker for showing you this level of disrespect and of course you are right to feel both annoyed & upset by it.

One silver lining though - at least you know you are absolutely making the right choice in splitting up with him.

ExtraOnions · 09/03/2025 09:03

He might not have only met her tonight, but seeing her for a few weeks
She may well have been over previously when you weren’t there
You have had friends over yourself
You are separated … he may well have forgotten you were even there.

Why did you get up up take a look ?

You need to change your living situation.

MolluscMonday · 09/03/2025 09:00

This situation is madness. Nesting arrangements are hard enough when you have to have them because you’ve got kids, but you don’t!

What’s the plan, is the house being sold or is one of you buying the other out? Get that sorted and started this week and in the meantime agree some more explicit ground rules.

Devonshiregal · 09/03/2025 08:58

he might have been meeting up with her longer than just tonight. Just judging by how he went after her and hasn’t returned

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 09/03/2025 08:53

RedHelenB · 09/03/2025 08:19

You're separated, he's presumably paying the mortgage. I wouldn't like it in your position but you're sharing a house and he can host who he likes as can you.

Legally he can do what he wants, morally it's absolutely disgusting and really disrespectful.

Will you talk about it when he gets home OP or will that just cause an argument?

ChickenLittlesCat · 09/03/2025 08:47

RedHelenB · 09/03/2025 08:19

You're separated, he's presumably paying the mortgage. I wouldn't like it in your position but you're sharing a house and he can host who he likes as can you.

Yes, he can legally. But it doesn't make it right. Legally she can paint his room pink and fill it with porcelain dolls next time he goes out on the piss too. Should stop any women from staying around .

Hmm. Actually OP. That's a thought. Maybe open a can of this as well?www.jokeshop.co.uk/det/246/Liquid-Ass-The-ultimate-fart-spray/

Endofyear · 09/03/2025 08:42

Gemmawemma9 · 09/03/2025 08:39

YANBU. He’s horrible. I would change the locks before he’s back. Disrespectful prick.

It's his house too. She can't just change the locks.

Gemmawemma9 · 09/03/2025 08:39

YANBU. He’s horrible. I would change the locks before he’s back. Disrespectful prick.

Imbusytodaysorry · 09/03/2025 08:36

RedToothBrush · 09/03/2025 08:18

He's only thought with his dick and not about respecting either you or the other woman.

This alone says you are right to separate. Take comfort in that.

Agree

Ohdeardearme · 09/03/2025 08:32

Well at least the woman had the decency to leave but why she would still want to have sex with him is a mystery to me.

That was a totally disgusting way to treat someone you once exchanged marriage vows with. The sooner he is out of your life the better OP.