DH arrived home after night out with another woman

You have a grown up conversation when he gets back where you smile sweetly, and say you know how you said it’s your house too? You’re right, and I can’t stop you bringing anyone back. Just as it’s my house too, and I can come out and say hi to any visitors coming into my house, including your one night stands. Never mind, it will be sold soon. But I plan to amuse myself by rating your companions. Can I check if you’re paying them? I’d feel bad saying something negative if you are, that’s all. If you’re paying them I’ll give them a 9 unless that’s beyond the bounds of the imagination, as it’s not like they have a huge choice poor things.

i think that would sufficiently put him off.

He is being MASSIVELY disrespectful - what a dick.

And kudos to the other woman.

I'm just saying that it was obviously a drunken night and his house too. Him and his ex dont see much of each other so he chanced it. He fancied a shag. Just saying its crappy but not the end of the world given they've already decided to separate

I like this idea. What a prick he is!

OP, when you have that sober conversation, please remind him that you also own half the house and can "do what you want", so maybe he can think on that.

It's so annoying when people comment without reading the thread.

OP already said the house was for sale and a buyer agreed, this situation should only be short term,hopefully! In the meantime, it sounds as though he has told girlfriend you have moved out,if she even knew of your existence that is.You have had a lucky escape,my sympathies go to you for putting up with him as long as you did,but he is her problem now and maybe has already had a glimpse of what he is capable of.If he is paying part of the mortgage,you may have to lump it for now,but remember it is only going to temporary.

I agree op, it’s very disrespectful to bring another woman home like that. At least she apologised (although it wasn’t her fault, but shows she had no idea about you) and hopefully she will see him for the arsehole he is.

Hugely disrespectful. Expedite this separation to divorce.

I would go out clubbing and start bringing 'cage fighter' type men home, see how he likes that.

@FlyAway25 I had to live with my now ex husband during Covid and lifting of restrictions. He could have easily moved in with his parents who literally lived 10 mins up the road-but he refused.
My ex remained in the house until it sold, purely out of spite, and while he didn’t bring his ow to our home, he didn’t hide when he left to meet her or had conversations on the phone.

Prepare yourself, your ex probably won’t agree to move out and he may pull a stunt like this again- just to be spiteful

She ran for the hills anyway.

If he does this again, go downstairs and offer her a cup of tea and start mooching about. Make some comment about suggesting he explains the shower quirk to her as it always causes trouble for his late night guests. Should kill the mood and ensure she runs for the hills.

If possible you need to have a grown up conversation with him when he comes back/sobers up OP. You need boundaries in place until the house is sold and you can separate properly. He also needs to know that, depending on the stage you’re at regarding separation, his behaviour could be construed as adultery. It might be worth getting a bit of legal advice as to your rights here, because it seems really obvious to me that quite apart from being a massively disrespectful arsehole who clearly only thinks with his dick, he’s putting you at risk by bringing random women into the house. Some posters are hung up on the fact that you don’t have kids - I agree it would be totally unacceptable for him to behave like this with children in the house, but I don’t see why you are any less important from a safety point of view.

Exactly as on another thread, his behaviour was deliberate and it was designed to hurt you.

He's emotionally immature and thinks this sort of desperate, sad shag with a random woman will make you jealous. It's probably also a way to deal with the unhappiness he feels that your marriage is over.

I don't know if I would have the conversation too soon, if he's hungover it might not go well. And he will probably feel shit about himself anyway which might lead to aggression and nasty things being said.

But a conversation about house rules while you wait for the sale is needed.
And if he can't keep it in his pants and act like a mature, respectful adult for a few months he needs to move out.

What an absolute twat. Of course this was a play to make you jealous- utterly deluded prick 🙄.

Thankfully the woman never has to see him again either. How awful of him to use her as a pawn in his silly game ☹️.

Well, the house is being sold but it's a process. So in the meantime they need to establish some clear rules, that's all. It's not "untenable" - thousands of couples go through this process every year.

you picked up on the fact that they have no kids but completely missed the fact that the house is up for sale and they’ve had an offer ?

Obviously, legally he has a right to be in your shared house and bring whoever he wants back. But this is really disrespectful and seems to be an emotional play. He’s trying to upset you by picking up a random woman that he thinks is both a throwaway sexual encounter and a chance to mess with your head. If this was a good few months after you split and he was dating the woman there may be a different angle to it, but he was just using her to get your back up. Almost a punishment in my mind for divorce.

Agreed!

I think it’s disrespectful but I’m not sure where you stand legally, if he ignores you.

He won't trouble his family- why would be when he is troubling you and you'll put up with it. I don't understand what part is in your interest not to sell and split immediately? Tell him you'll move out next week and he can cover your half of the mortgage in return for sole occupancy and do what he likes or you can sell up.

edited- I completely misread it's in the process of being sold, at first read I had decided you had to wait a while, apologies

I know it is incredibly immature, but I'd be so tempted to engage the services of a hot man to come and hang out in my bedroom for a few hours and jump up and down on the bed a bit and giggle a lot.

JFC. Just pity the poor woman, she’s got your twatty cast off of an ex. YANBU. So disrespectful and shows you’ve made the right choice

What an arse. The woman must have felt awful, too.

Disgusting behaviour towards both of you, she at least showed some respect for you. Without a doubt you are well shot of your ex douche bag op.