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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH arrived home after night out with another woman

140 replies

FlyAway25 · 09/03/2025 08:11

I have had an absolute night of it…apologies if the below is long winded.

DH and I are in the process of separating. Decision was made just after Christmas with that being the final straw.

DH moved into spare room which is on the top floor of the house, so between being up there and working away fairly regularly (one of our issues), we have managed not to see much of each other and the house is in the process of being sold (luckily we had an offer at asking price within a week of it being listed).

DH has been seeing his friends more regularly and staying out later if he goes out on a Friday or Saturday.

I knew he was going out last night and I was woken by him crashing in at gone 2am. This would usually annoy me but I can go back to sleep easy enough.

I then heard what sounded like heels walking on our wooden hallway floor downstairs. I immediately got up out of bed looked downstairs and DH had a woman with him. She looked a bit worse for wear and as soon as she saw me, she turned to DH and said something along the lies of ‘you didn’t tell me about her’, said ‘I’m so sorry’ to me and immediately left the house with DH following after her.

He didn’t return after this and still isn’t home now, so I can only assume they went back to hers instead.

I know we are in the process of separating but AIBU to suggest that it is completely disrespectful for him to bring someone home whilst we are still under the same roof?

I live nearly 2 hours from my parents and my job is here so moving out isn’t an option. DH has some family near but his argument has been that he’s away working so much it makes no sense for him to move out for the sake of a few months. I want him gone after this.

OP posts:
Confusedmeanderings · 10/03/2025 01:25

That's shocking OP, really disrespectful.

Missj25 · 09/03/2025 19:54

There’s this thing called RESPECT..
look it up RedHekenB , and few more idiots that jumped on the band wagon after you with unhelpful, uninsightful posts ! !

OP , that would be upsetting for anyone , what a dick thing to do … Hope you’re doing ok x

Uberella · 09/03/2025 19:10

Bringing someone honest to shag whilst living under the same roof as your estranged spouse is beyond disrespectful unless it's someone both parties have readily agreed to.

No woman with any sort of self respect would agree to go home with a man who was still living with his stbexw knowing she was in the house at the time.

If he's going to sleeping with new women then he can do it elsewhere and he doesn't need to rub it in OP's face.

Hugattack · 09/03/2025 19:05

FlyAway25 · 09/03/2025 09:39

He got through the door 20 minutes ago out a taxi and seemed a bit drunk still. He walked into the kitchen where I was and asked why I’m jealous of him moving on which I said I’m not but didn’t appreciate him disrespecting me like that in my own home.

He said he owns half the house so can do what he wants but ‘no need to worry as she was only in the area for one night so won’t be seeing her again’. And he said he will give me advance notice next time to which I told him to off and he went upstairs.

Assuming she was in a hotel I don’t know why they didn’t just go there to begin with!

I think he’s trying to “win” the break up. It seems he thinks he’s doing “better” than you because he is “already” having drunken one night stands (ps was she really in the area for one night or was that just what she said to never to have to see him again?).

Simplynotsimple · 09/03/2025 19:04

BetterDeadThanRed · 09/03/2025 18:54

Don't see the problem. You're divorcing, he owns half of the house, he can date and can bring home/fuck whomever he wants to. And (obviously) so can you. You're not his wife anymore, not the sole owner of the house and you can't 'kick him out' either, if he refuses to leave. Grit your teeth and wait for the house to sell.

So you’d be ok hearing your very recent ex (who you’re currently forced to share a living space with and already have negative feelings about), drunkenly crash into the house at 2am with a strange woman, then further have to possibly listen to him have sex with her? Considering he absolutely brought this woman into the house to ‘make a point’ rather than dating (as he said, she wasn’t even from the area) and how unfair he was to the woman herself using her like that, evidently there is a problem with how this man conducts himself and treats women.

It’s a clear case of ‘just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should’. Same would go for the op if she was asking if it was ok to bring around a random shag into the house she still has to share with her ex until it’s sold.

ItGhoul · 09/03/2025 19:04

Very shitty behaviour on his part, not just to you but also to the poor woman he brought home. He has zero respect for either of you, by the sound of it. Perfectly reasonable for him to date and/or have one night stands but he needs to stay over with them, not bring them back to the house he shares with his former partner ffs.

helpfulperson · 09/03/2025 19:03

I think it is telling that you use the term DH not ex in your title. It sounds like he has made the mental shift to not being partners and you are still struggling with it.

I would focus on getting the house sold and moving onto a new home as quickly as possible.

BetterDeadThanRed · 09/03/2025 18:54

Don't see the problem. You're divorcing, he owns half of the house, he can date and can bring home/fuck whomever he wants to. And (obviously) so can you. You're not his wife anymore, not the sole owner of the house and you can't 'kick him out' either, if he refuses to leave. Grit your teeth and wait for the house to sell.

JustWalkingTheDogs · 09/03/2025 17:33

Yes he does own half the house, but so do you op and he was being eye wateringly disrespectful towards you.

healthybychristmas · 09/03/2025 17:20

ExtraOnions · 09/03/2025 09:03

He might not have only met her tonight, but seeing her for a few weeks
She may well have been over previously when you weren’t there
You have had friends over yourself
You are separated … he may well have forgotten you were even there.

Why did you get up up take a look ?

You need to change your living situation.

Why wouldn't she get up?!

healthybychristmas · 09/03/2025 17:20

I'm so sorry, what a bastard he is to both of you.

Orangesinthebag · 09/03/2025 16:45

VeggPatch · 09/03/2025 16:05

I think when he gets up and you have a sober conversation you should tell him you've changed your mind and actually, you're both adults, you're separating, of course you should both be able to bring someone back if you like.

Then get a string of obliging male friends to come round and pretend to be your latest pull. Ideally beautiful ones.😁

Don't do this, OP, game playing is never a good thing to do in these circumstances.

VeggPatch · 09/03/2025 16:05

I think when he gets up and you have a sober conversation you should tell him you've changed your mind and actually, you're both adults, you're separating, of course you should both be able to bring someone back if you like.

Then get a string of obliging male friends to come round and pretend to be your latest pull. Ideally beautiful ones.😁

BobbyBiscuits · 09/03/2025 15:49

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. It's insensitive and embarrassing for her and incredibly hurtful, disrespectful and rude to you.
I hope he gets out of the house asap.

MellowCritic · 09/03/2025 15:23

2025willbemytime · 09/03/2025 14:28

It's madness at the lack of reading comprehension.

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I think the comment is intentionally being stupid ... don't waste your breath on these posts.

Londonismyjam · 09/03/2025 15:06

AlphaApple · 09/03/2025 13:48

He's feeling tired, hungover and defensive today. I imagine he'll be sufficiently put off for the future. Wishing you a very quick sale and a happy ever after divorce!

This.

Krop · 09/03/2025 14:59

That's fucking grim. What a twat he is. Lucky you will soon be well rid.

BashfulClam · 09/03/2025 14:54

MolluscMonday · 09/03/2025 09:00

This situation is madness. Nesting arrangements are hard enough when you have to have them because you’ve got kids, but you don’t!

What’s the plan, is the house being sold or is one of you buying the other out? Get that sorted and started this week and in the meantime agree some more explicit ground rules.

The house is being sold, it mentions it in the OP!!!!!!!!!!

Nellsbell · 09/03/2025 14:33

I think for the sake of your sanity yes the ideal would be for him to stay somewhere else for now. But as he owns half the house I presume, you can’t make make him.

2025willbemytime · 09/03/2025 14:28

MolluscMonday · 09/03/2025 09:00

This situation is madness. Nesting arrangements are hard enough when you have to have them because you’ve got kids, but you don’t!

What’s the plan, is the house being sold or is one of you buying the other out? Get that sorted and started this week and in the meantime agree some more explicit ground rules.

It's madness at the lack of reading comprehension.

JoyDreamer86 · 09/03/2025 14:07

Neemie · 09/03/2025 14:02

This level of detachment is very unusual.

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She got woken up, they left. I'm just pointing out to the poster instead of working her up even more that whilst it's not something you would be happy about it's not worth getting too worked up about. Another reason to be glad she is moving on.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 09/03/2025 14:04

DazedDragon · 09/03/2025 08:16

Wow! How disrespectful.

You need to set some rules.

If he wants to shag other women then that's fine but absolutely NOT in the family home.

I assume there are no kids involved here?

Whilst I agree he is disrespectful what will she do if he says no to ehe rules? They are already separating and selling the house so unless he chooses to be reasonable there's not much she can do.

She can't kick him out because he owns half the house, she can threaten to divorce because they are already in the process.

Neemie · 09/03/2025 14:02

JoyDreamer86 · 09/03/2025 08:29

You've separated, house is in process of being sold, you hardly ever see each other. He was presumably drunk and it was early hours so perhaps thought he could sneak in but made more noise due to being drunk. There's no kids involved. Its crappy but not a big deal. Your both separate adults now.

This level of detachment is very unusual.

DBD1975 · 09/03/2025 13:53

Not many things shock me on Mumsnet but this is beyond shocking.
You shouldn't have needed to have the discussion as it should be a given neither of you would bring anyone back, beyond disrespectful
You can't change what has happened and no good agreeing boundaries now, he has crossed a line and you are well shot of him.

AlphaApple · 09/03/2025 13:48

He's feeling tired, hungover and defensive today. I imagine he'll be sufficiently put off for the future. Wishing you a very quick sale and a happy ever after divorce!