Husband says his not going to deal with 1 year old son

It’s he’s not his

Nope. Although they should go back with this evidence and get the maintenance revised.

If the resident parent leaves the child alone/unfed/uncared for it's neglect. If the non-resident parent does the same, that's just fine and dandy. And worse, if the resident parent tries to do anything about it that might be construed as alienation or not having the child available, they are the ones in trouble.

It's why I had 'with the child's agreement' written into my residency plan - my line in the sand is I will never force a child to go on a visit (gentle encouragement, support, buying a phone and being there to answer when he finally went with his dad, yes. But force? No)

Of course it matters.

If he finishes work at 6am, then he’s not BU to need more sleep at 10am.

If he finishes work at 8pm, then he is BU to need more sleep at 10am.

OP said he works late and so no one can determine whether he’s BU unless they know what time he actually gets home.

This is going in a tangent but I have always found when they’re sleep goes off like this that getting them up at a set time in the morning is essential to getting everything back on track.

He doesn’t value the contribution you bring by caring for your children. I would start looking for a job so you have money and a way out.

Can I ask a question about this - just reflecting on a situation a friend is in. If contact is 50/50 - as agreed in a court, but one parent does not abide by that (think for example disappearing abroad for weeks at a time with no notice) - is that legally enforceable?

Doesn't matter.

He's their father.

I know and have meet fathers who work and have worked stupid hours but aim to spend time with their children alone including dealing with them when they, themselves, are tired.

Men do this because they can get away with it, and it makes their lives easier at the expense of women’s.

That tells you what he thinks of you.

He is has children living in the house.

If they wake up crying or need something and there is no other adult around he needs to tend to them otherwise it is neglect.

He is a selfish immature dickhead.

7 year old children I know are more mature than him when it comes to dealing with younger children.

He sounds useless as a parent and a shit partner. Seriously OP, I don’t say it often but LTB. Unbelievable attitude to his own child.

What time does he finish work?

I very rarely say LTB, but honestly, your 'd'p is taking the piss.

This would be acceptable if he worked night shifts/lates, he was unwell, or an occasional lie in. Otherwise that's not ok.

Does he have other redeeming features? He does most of the housework?! Gives you a lie in the following day?!

And then they wonder why you don't want to spend time together. The selfishness of men is astounding which is why I have no qualms about focussing only on my kids needs. When he complains I tell him that the kids are my number one priority just like he is his number one priority so I'm the only one not being someone's number one priority. Which is normal : children should always come first.

Since he is completely useless you will be better off without him.

Leave the lazy, selfish man-baby.

My DH likes to sleep in as well since he goes to bed late. He's mocking me for going to bed early but I'm in the habit since kids were small. I told him I could stay up with him if he wakes up in the morning so I get a lie in. Discussion closed. Also sahm. It was hard when they were small but now they're older it's easier although older one is autistic so still like a baby in many ways.

This.

well He has well and truly checked out hasn’t he. Working late, arguing and being defensive when he is clearly in the wrong, not helping with childcare and diva behaviour based around what he should air shouldn’t be subjected to. I’d almost say he is pushing you. Any other signs? I don’t know it’s not often I think this but feels like he has something else going on 🤷🏼‍♀️

Gosh it sounds like you’re doing everything OP. You must be so tired.

It might sound overwhelming but can you start planning your exit, including getting some sort of paid income? He doesn’t sound like the sort of man you’d want to rely on tbh.

Leave. He’s sounds absolutely useless.

Oh, for goodness sake. Tell him he is a bone idle wimp who isn't fit to be a father, and if he doesn't get off his backside and do his fair share at the weekends, he will soon find himself without wife or children.

But then, I'm single. I really can't deal with whining men. Life is much better without one. 😊

Well if you split up, it's not like you're going to miss him much are you

And does he choose to go to bed late or does he do shift work etc that means he’s tired? Either way I wouldn’t be staying given that attitude.

Is working late a choice or a new role?

How old is DD? How much parenting does he do?

I’m told that during the teenage years the challenge can be getting them out of bed. It seems a long time to wait for my next meaningful lie in, but I’ll take it.