Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He gives me the ick

183 replies

Doubleunders · 09/03/2025 07:15

I’ve been dating a guy that I met through OLD on and off for 8 months, he’s wonderful and amazing and we could have an amazing life together but I just can’t shake this feeling that he gives me the ick, massively.
He’s so kind and generous and totally in love with me and I can’t put my finger on the issue and I’ve tried so hard to get over this feeling but we’re meant to be spending the day together today and all I can think is dread that he’s going to come to my house and going to want to sleep with me, the thought is filling me with dread. The day out is going to be fun and I love his company, but the chemistry part, that was there at the start seems to have gone. He does some things that really bug me and although I’ve brought them up before, he stops for a while but is starting again.

For example, I’m 37 and he’s 43 and when we go out in public, for dinner etc he tries to full on kiss me at the table, he strokes my face and hair, not a gentle stroke but it’s like a full hand sliding down my face and ruining my make up, it makes me physically recoil!
we went out to the cinema the other night and I said I was just going to get up to use the ladies half way through the film and he came with me and waited outside the toilets for me, I felt like a child.

Is this the sign that I need to break up with him or can I get over the ick?! I would love to stay friends but I tried that before in December but he doesn’t want to do that and would rather go no contact.
is it kinder to just end the relationship?

OP posts:
PsychoHotSauce · 09/03/2025 07:31

I also noticed in the cinema, that he wasn’t watching the film but just staring at me!

Urrrrghhhhhhhhhhh.

OverthinkingOlive · 09/03/2025 07:31

The ick is your body's way of telling you he's not the one. If he was you would find these things funny or manageable not repulsive. Throw it back

Original poster
Doubleunders · 09/03/2025 07:29

bluey07 · 09/03/2025 07:23

I would end it.
I had an almost identical situation (I was 37, he was 35) but the behaviour you describe was so similar!
We went to the cinema and he would full on kiss me multiple times through the film, surely that's what teenagers do, I wanted to watch the film!
We went to a party with his friends and when we were all sitting chatting he would text me things like "I'm so proud to be here with you" he was literally sitting right next to me.
When he dropped me home one morning he asked to come in for a nap despite it being a 10 minute drive to his house.

I ended it and went no contact, it was the kindest thing to do, I had to be very clear with him as to why I ended it and not give him any hope it would work in the future.

Yes! He’s done similar with me too! Is this the same guy?! He’ll text me with how proud he is to be with me, he stares at me out in public with these puppy dog eyes.
and I am not a teenager anymore that needs to make out in the cinema!
I also noticed in the cinema, that he wasn’t watching the film but just staring at me! I tried to ignore as much as possible but it was distracting!

Also, we went out for dinner a while ago and he wanted to walk me round the restaurant. It kind to show me the view and it kind of felt like he was just walking me around to show me off or something. I know that sounds big headed but it was kind of a ‘she’s mine’ feeling.

OP posts:
bluey07 · 09/03/2025 07:23

I would end it.
I had an almost identical situation (I was 37, he was 35) but the behaviour you describe was so similar!
We went to the cinema and he would full on kiss me multiple times through the film, surely that's what teenagers do, I wanted to watch the film!
We went to a party with his friends and when we were all sitting chatting he would text me things like "I'm so proud to be here with you" he was literally sitting right next to me.
When he dropped me home one morning he asked to come in for a nap despite it being a 10 minute drive to his house.

I ended it and went no contact, it was the kindest thing to do, I had to be very clear with him as to why I ended it and not give him any hope it would work in the future.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 09/03/2025 07:23

If you don’t want to have sex with him, don’t. If he ‘expects’ sex and doesn’t realise that you don’t want to/ don’t fancy him, that is not a relationship of equals who fancy each other, it’s exploitative on one side and just weird in the other.

Don’t be a plaything.

Daleksatemyshed · 09/03/2025 07:23

If you dread the thought of sex with him then it's over Op, you can't spend the rest of your life feeling like that. Tell him goodbye as kindly as you can but don't back down

PsychoHotSauce · 09/03/2025 07:18

Yes. People say you can't get over the ick and ime that's true. The things he does turn you off, and even if he miraculously stopped them all (he won't), you can't unsee the fact he's done them before.

I'm laughing at the face stroking though, how performative. If anyone has ever seen Face/Off I'm picturing that stupid thing that John Travolta's character does with all his family which still winds me up.

He gives me the ick
Mwydryn · 09/03/2025 07:17

Bloody hell, end it. I'd get the ick with this too.