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Original poster

He gives me the ick

183 replies

Doubleunders · 09/03/2025 07:15

I’ve been dating a guy that I met through OLD on and off for 8 months, he’s wonderful and amazing and we could have an amazing life together but I just can’t shake this feeling that he gives me the ick, massively.
He’s so kind and generous and totally in love with me and I can’t put my finger on the issue and I’ve tried so hard to get over this feeling but we’re meant to be spending the day together today and all I can think is dread that he’s going to come to my house and going to want to sleep with me, the thought is filling me with dread. The day out is going to be fun and I love his company, but the chemistry part, that was there at the start seems to have gone. He does some things that really bug me and although I’ve brought them up before, he stops for a while but is starting again.

For example, I’m 37 and he’s 43 and when we go out in public, for dinner etc he tries to full on kiss me at the table, he strokes my face and hair, not a gentle stroke but it’s like a full hand sliding down my face and ruining my make up, it makes me physically recoil!
we went out to the cinema the other night and I said I was just going to get up to use the ladies half way through the film and he came with me and waited outside the toilets for me, I felt like a child.

Is this the sign that I need to break up with him or can I get over the ick?! I would love to stay friends but I tried that before in December but he doesn’t want to do that and would rather go no contact.
is it kinder to just end the relationship?

OP posts:
theoriginalpinkpowerranger · 09/03/2025 08:26

Is his name Chris?

Imbusytodaysorry · 09/03/2025 08:23

Doubleunders · 09/03/2025 07:15

I’ve been dating a guy that I met through OLD on and off for 8 months, he’s wonderful and amazing and we could have an amazing life together but I just can’t shake this feeling that he gives me the ick, massively.
He’s so kind and generous and totally in love with me and I can’t put my finger on the issue and I’ve tried so hard to get over this feeling but we’re meant to be spending the day together today and all I can think is dread that he’s going to come to my house and going to want to sleep with me, the thought is filling me with dread. The day out is going to be fun and I love his company, but the chemistry part, that was there at the start seems to have gone. He does some things that really bug me and although I’ve brought them up before, he stops for a while but is starting again.

For example, I’m 37 and he’s 43 and when we go out in public, for dinner etc he tries to full on kiss me at the table, he strokes my face and hair, not a gentle stroke but it’s like a full hand sliding down my face and ruining my make up, it makes me physically recoil!
we went out to the cinema the other night and I said I was just going to get up to use the ladies half way through the film and he came with me and waited outside the toilets for me, I felt like a child.

Is this the sign that I need to break up with him or can I get over the ick?! I would love to stay friends but I tried that before in December but he doesn’t want to do that and would rather go no contact.
is it kinder to just end the relationship?

Before you said the chemistry was gone I was reading thinking this isn’t the ick it’s her gut telling her he is a bad one.

Now I’ve read all your OP I think you should run.
I bet he love bombed you . Doing that to your face in public is Control showing everyone he is yours. Oh he’s lovely when I reality I bet it’s all a face .
He follows you to the toilet just wow .
This one will end up and abusive controling man. .
You don’t have the ick your gut is screaming at you that this is not good.

You have to end it and set firm boundaries.
Agree to no contact and stick to it as he won’t, that was just a move to get you to stay with him. .
I think when you end it you’re going to have to prepare for a tricky time. .
He may even want to end his life unless you get back together . Don’t fall for the manipulation

Bumblebeestiltskin · 09/03/2025 08:19

Daleksatemyshed · 09/03/2025 07:23

If you dread the thought of sex with him then it's over Op, you can't spend the rest of your life feeling like that. Tell him goodbye as kindly as you can but don't back down

Absolutely this, jesus

DazedDragon · 09/03/2025 08:14

Doubleunders · 09/03/2025 07:59

He is the sweetest, kindest, most generous man, he’s really not got a bad bone in his body.
I did try to end it a while ago though, when he got jealous over some PT sessions I was having with a guy, where he wanted me to drop into conversation things like ‘my boyfriend has those trainers, that watch’ kind of thing. I felt like he basically would like me to walk around with a t shirt saying I was taken.

Show quote history

He sounds seriously creepy!

Jealousy is VERY unattractive.

DarkMagicStars · 09/03/2025 08:11

Doubleunders · 09/03/2025 07:59

He is the sweetest, kindest, most generous man, he’s really not got a bad bone in his body.
I did try to end it a while ago though, when he got jealous over some PT sessions I was having with a guy, where he wanted me to drop into conversation things like ‘my boyfriend has those trainers, that watch’ kind of thing. I felt like he basically would like me to walk around with a t shirt saying I was taken.

Show quote history

He sounds fake to me. You are giving snippets of the real him in your posts so have a read back.

He is possessive, obsessive, jealous, he sounds very manipulative hidden behind a sickly sweet front.

Hazel665 · 09/03/2025 08:08

In my personal experience, once you have the ick, early on like this, then best to end it before things go too far.

2025mustbebetter · 09/03/2025 08:07

You've literally said there's not a bad bone in his body and in the next sentence demonstrated the bad bones in his body- wanting to literally tag you with a label as his to other men.

Huge red flags. End it today!

Lyannaa · 09/03/2025 08:07

This is more than just 'the ick' you are completely repelled by him. End it - you can't do this any more.

FortyElephants · 09/03/2025 08:04

He sounds like a PITA but even if he wasn't, you obviously need to end it because you don't want to be with him! It couldn't be clearer. What are you waiting for?

JMSA · 09/03/2025 08:04

Sparkletastic · 09/03/2025 07:50

Text him now to say you aren't feeling great and can't see him today. Then call tomorrow and end it.

What's the point in that?
OP, just end it today.

IsitaHatOrACat · 09/03/2025 08:04

He doesn't sound sweet and kind at all. He sounds weird and controlling.

It's concerning that you responded for 2 weeks by text "out of politeness". You don't have to do this.

Listen to and trust your instincts. Then act on them!

DarkMagicStars · 09/03/2025 08:04

You should end it. Never stay with someone because they sound good on paper.

Him following you to the toilet made me think he was there to make sure you came back or controlling at worst.

PsychoHotSauce · 09/03/2025 08:03

Doubleunders · 09/03/2025 07:59

He is the sweetest, kindest, most generous man, he’s really not got a bad bone in his body.
I did try to end it a while ago though, when he got jealous over some PT sessions I was having with a guy, where he wanted me to drop into conversation things like ‘my boyfriend has those trainers, that watch’ kind of thing. I felt like he basically would like me to walk around with a t shirt saying I was taken.

Show quote history

No. He is deeply, deeply, insecure. I say this from experience: the 'sweet, kind, generous' man you think you know is an act, a performance so you 1) want to stick around as he's so 'kind' and 2) feel guilty for leaving, which is exactly what's happening.

I hate to tell you, but he doesn't have feelings for 'you', but the idea of you. If you switched places with a doppelganger in the middle of the night he wouldn't even notice. That's why he's so OTT with everything, he's playing a part to suck you in and the longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave.

bluey07 · 09/03/2025 08:03

Sparkletastic · 09/03/2025 07:50

Text him now to say you aren't feeling great and can't see him today. Then call tomorrow and end it.

That's EXACTLY what I did. Told him I felt sick and he left me alone for a day, the next day I said it was over

GoldMoon · 09/03/2025 08:03

Yes agree you have the ick . Everything he's doing is causing you to see it as a negative ( running a hand down your face doesn't ruin your make up ) but the ick multiplies everything 10 fold.
Why are you finding it hard to get rid ? You don't owe him anything , just send a text , or next time you see him tell him you are busy over the next few weeks and start the slow fade .

TinyMouseTheatre · 09/03/2025 08:02

I did try to end it a while ago though, when he got jealous over some PT sessions I was having with a guy

What happened when you tried to end it before?

curtaintwitcher78 · 09/03/2025 08:02

Your ick is your instincts telling you he's a fucking nutjob. Men who act like this early on end up being possessive and controlling later on.

Original poster
Doubleunders · 09/03/2025 07:59

biscuitsandbooks · 09/03/2025 07:55

He sounds awful. Not sweet in the slightest - more controlling and possessive.

He is the sweetest, kindest, most generous man, he’s really not got a bad bone in his body.
I did try to end it a while ago though, when he got jealous over some PT sessions I was having with a guy, where he wanted me to drop into conversation things like ‘my boyfriend has those trainers, that watch’ kind of thing. I felt like he basically would like me to walk around with a t shirt saying I was taken.

OP posts:
DazedDragon · 09/03/2025 07:56

Doubleunders · 09/03/2025 07:32

He also lives around an hour away and when we don’t see each other, he never calls because he doesn’t like to talk on the phone. We didn’t see each other for nearly 2 weeks, and not once did we speak apart from the usual texts of ‘ Good morning, have a great day’ kind of thing.
I’ve tried to explain that we can’t keep a connection going if we don’t speak.
To be honest, I didn’t miss him in those 2 weeks and responding to his messages was more out of politeness.

There are SO MANY red flags for this "relationship".

I'd end it now and not drag it out any longer. This clearly isn't the person for you!!

biscuitsandbooks · 09/03/2025 07:55

He sounds awful. Not sweet in the slightest - more controlling and possessive.

Daleksatemyshed · 09/03/2025 07:54

Thinking on it Op, it's his age that's the real problem. If you were both 17 this might seem quite sweet, but from a grown man of 43 it's way over the top and a bit childish.

Sparkletastic · 09/03/2025 07:50

Text him now to say you aren't feeling great and can't see him today. Then call tomorrow and end it.

JMSA · 09/03/2025 07:38

You definitely need to end it. And in my experience, the 'staying friends' thing just doesn't work. So it needs to be a clean break.

bluey07 · 09/03/2025 07:36

Doubleunders · 09/03/2025 07:32

He also lives around an hour away and when we don’t see each other, he never calls because he doesn’t like to talk on the phone. We didn’t see each other for nearly 2 weeks, and not once did we speak apart from the usual texts of ‘ Good morning, have a great day’ kind of thing.
I’ve tried to explain that we can’t keep a connection going if we don’t speak.
To be honest, I didn’t miss him in those 2 weeks and responding to his messages was more out of politeness.

If it wasn't for his age I would definitely think it's the same guy!

Original poster
Doubleunders · 09/03/2025 07:32

He also lives around an hour away and when we don’t see each other, he never calls because he doesn’t like to talk on the phone. We didn’t see each other for nearly 2 weeks, and not once did we speak apart from the usual texts of ‘ Good morning, have a great day’ kind of thing.
I’ve tried to explain that we can’t keep a connection going if we don’t speak.
To be honest, I didn’t miss him in those 2 weeks and responding to his messages was more out of politeness.

OP posts: