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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He gives me the ick

183 replies

Doubleunders · 09/03/2025 07:15

I’ve been dating a guy that I met through OLD on and off for 8 months, he’s wonderful and amazing and we could have an amazing life together but I just can’t shake this feeling that he gives me the ick, massively.
He’s so kind and generous and totally in love with me and I can’t put my finger on the issue and I’ve tried so hard to get over this feeling but we’re meant to be spending the day together today and all I can think is dread that he’s going to come to my house and going to want to sleep with me, the thought is filling me with dread. The day out is going to be fun and I love his company, but the chemistry part, that was there at the start seems to have gone. He does some things that really bug me and although I’ve brought them up before, he stops for a while but is starting again.

For example, I’m 37 and he’s 43 and when we go out in public, for dinner etc he tries to full on kiss me at the table, he strokes my face and hair, not a gentle stroke but it’s like a full hand sliding down my face and ruining my make up, it makes me physically recoil!
we went out to the cinema the other night and I said I was just going to get up to use the ladies half way through the film and he came with me and waited outside the toilets for me, I felt like a child.

Is this the sign that I need to break up with him or can I get over the ick?! I would love to stay friends but I tried that before in December but he doesn’t want to do that and would rather go no contact.
is it kinder to just end the relationship?

OP posts:
Isthisstillmymidlifecrisis · 10/03/2025 20:06

A dear friend has a “new” boyfriend like this (both in late 40’s) with uni age kids from previous relationships. She adores the attention and adoration, and he’s a kind person, but it gives us friends the ick! Makes us all feel v uncomfortable watching this puppy dog behaviour, and so we don’t go out as a group much anymore. But not our relationship so can only look on with embarrassment, and hope it works out for them together.

Dogsbreath7 · 10/03/2025 20:02

Yup. Ickety ick.

Why be in a relationship if you can’t face sex?

Read any post on MN, and you can see men don’t (or rarely) bring anything else to the table.

NameChanges123 · 10/03/2025 20:02

godmum56 · 10/03/2025 18:34

"I can't put my finger on the issues" OP I blooming can!

🤣🤣

Sorry, OP. 🤭

restingbitchface30 · 10/03/2025 19:56

I stayed with a guy like this for a year. I tried to make him grow on me. He just didn’t. Like yours he was sweet and kind and gentlemanly but he just gave me the ick. In the end I felt cruel for stringing him along and just broke it off. I’m now in a 9 year relationship with someone else. There’s someone out there for you but not this guy.

Pinkyhere · 10/03/2025 19:29

Watching you while you sleep is creepy.
It's all a bit weird.- But that would make me scared.
You don't miss him. You find him strange. He makes you uncomfortable. I think get rid and maybe do it in public for your own safety

curtaintwitcher78 · 10/03/2025 18:50

We've been had

Missj25 · 10/03/2025 18:46

Sorry now OP , but this post made me laugh
He’s kind & amazing , I’d have a wonderful life with him , but it fills me with dread , thoughts of him coming over staying the night 🤣 🤣 🤣 …

All jokes aside , you can’t help it if you’re just not that into him 🤷🏻‍♀️….
least you won’t be bumping into him around cause he lives an hour away …

godmum56 · 10/03/2025 18:34

"I can't put my finger on the issues" OP I blooming can!

JJMama · 10/03/2025 18:25

There’s no coming back from the ick, end it

Minkytink · 10/03/2025 18:16

I am desperate for an update from OP .. is he history yet?

Whatinthedoopla · 10/03/2025 18:09

Doubleunders · 09/03/2025 07:29

Yes! He’s done similar with me too! Is this the same guy?! He’ll text me with how proud he is to be with me, he stares at me out in public with these puppy dog eyes.
and I am not a teenager anymore that needs to make out in the cinema!
I also noticed in the cinema, that he wasn’t watching the film but just staring at me! I tried to ignore as much as possible but it was distracting!

Also, we went out for dinner a while ago and he wanted to walk me round the restaurant. It kind to show me the view and it kind of felt like he was just walking me around to show me off or something. I know that sounds big headed but it was kind of a ‘she’s mine’ feeling.

Maybe you two dated the same guy lol

StrongasSixpence · 10/03/2025 16:20

Yeah gross. Need to rip that plaster off.

rubberduck68 · 10/03/2025 09:21

I've got the "ick" just reading this... waits for you outside the toilet? No. I wouldn't shag him either; that's giving Daddy vibes.

NewMarmiteJar · 10/03/2025 00:01

End it and go NC for both your sakes. Reminds me a bit of my exH.
Shudder.

Crazybaby123 · 09/03/2025 23:53

He sounds like a fruit loop. This would all freak me out. No wonder you have the ick. As a person of a similar age to you, I would never snog in the cinema like a 15 year old on a first date. Run.

TwistedWonder · 09/03/2025 23:47

Doubleunders · 09/03/2025 10:52

Yes!! I caught him doing it once in the middle of the night, stood next to the bed just staring at me!

He’s a fucking nut job OP. He absolutely is controlling and manipulative. He’s waving those red flags in your face and you’re oblivious.

Dump him asap and block on every communication channel.

TwistedWonder · 09/03/2025 23:46

Sorry OP but he doesn’t sound like the ‘sweetest kindest man’ - he sounds like a possessive controlling wanker.

I’ve said it before but I’ve never heard a grown man described as ‘sweet’ other than on ‘MN’ and it’s almost without exception used to describe the rare crumbs thrown by an abusive twat.

Deedeesharpwhatkindoflady · 09/03/2025 23:41

Following to the toilet that's plain weird.
Hopefully when you get rid he moves onto someone else.

ItGhoul · 09/03/2025 23:17

His behaviour isn’t controlling or possessive

he got jealous over some PT sessions I was having with a guy, where he wanted me to drop into conversation things like ‘my boyfriend has those trainers, that watch’ kind of thing

OP, can you genuinely not see that this is ABSOLUTELY a prime example of controlling and possessive behaviour?

In any case - the thought of having sex with this man makes you physically recoil, FFS. Of course you shouldn’t having a relationship with someone who, for any reason, makes you dread having to sleep with them. It’s insane that you haven’t dumped him already. Why on earth would you not dump someone who makes you feel like that?

I can see why you might try and work on the relationship if you were married with kids or something and couldn’t face having to break up a family and lose your house, but you’ve only been seeing him a few months! Ditching him really isn’t a big deal.

TwoRobins · 09/03/2025 23:01

Does he sometimes look at you as if you are prey?

scoobysnaxx · 09/03/2025 22:02

@Doubleunders have you spoken to him yet OP?

tipsandtoes · 09/03/2025 17:00

So OP this bloke has given ALL OF US the ick

Please dump him for our sake

Deathinparadisefan · 09/03/2025 16:54

Give him the elbow and get yourself a grown up. His behaviour is way over the top. Hand down your face and escorting you to the loo indeed!

JohnTheRevelator · 09/03/2025 16:29

If you are dreading the thought of having sex with him,then there's really no future for the relationship.

Msmoonpie · 09/03/2025 16:28

Isthiswhatmenthink · 09/03/2025 16:26

Why do you still think he’s kind and sweet? He sounds a fucking nightmarish lunatic.

I agree he sounds dangerous - all of this in the early stages is just the beginning.