AIBU to leave DH and start a family?

I think that you will feel resentment if you stayed. I think it’s also worth considering how you would feel if you left, but were unable to have children through IVF or otherwise? Is the feeling of wanting to try more than the pain of potentially losing him and your dream of children?

Resentment is something you cannot stop consuming you and creeping into every aspect of your relationship.

if you so desperately want this and he doesn’t it’s not going to work out. It could blow up in a months time or five years down the line but the end result will be the same and you will have potentially lost out on being a mother for no good reason because you lost the relationship anyways.

You are incompatible as a couple over a major subject in which there is no compromise: Having children. You want them, he doesn't. In the early days with you, when he agreed they were something he wanted, had he already had a vasectomy at that stage? You are young enough to leave and start again or go it alone. Love isn't always enough.

He's made the decision for you.

Make the decision for yourself.

I was a single parent 22 years ago. Yes it was hard at times but it was just me and my beautiful daughter. I don't regret it for a second and neither will you.

You can harvest sperm without reversing the vasectomy? Really?

Edited after Googling. Blimey. He would have to have surgical resection. Can't see him going for that.

I would leave to have a child. If you want to experience being a mother you will resent him in the future for sure if you stay together. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Yes, that occurred to me.

There are other options apart from single parenthood or living with a man who doesn’t want children, OP. For example, getting a different bloke, who has not already done the parenthood thing and is at a more equivalent life stage to you.

OP, we are lucky to live in an age and time when doing it on your own is very possible.
And if financially blessed, you can have an even easier time of going it alone.
Only one life, have no regrets.. if it means this much to you.

I have two friends who have had DC by donor insemination by themselves as they felt time was running out.

One never met the right guy. The other left an otherwise happy relationship as he didn't want DC.

I admire both of them so much. Their boldness has made me realise I probably wouldn't have been brave enough to do this, and would have just been unhappy. Which would be a huge waste.

Both of them have beautiful DC - both at primary school now - and are great mums.

Go for it OP. We had only live once.

My cousin became a single mother by donor sperm and has absolutely no regrets.
Her child is thriving, she has lots of family support and has a well paid job and her own home so is able to support them both.
I can’t imagine not having children, You only live once OP, go for it x

@sSssssssssssssOOO both scenarios can be selfish, no dad or shit dad. Not fair on a child either way. But OP doesn’t seem to be thinking of the child, just what she wants. A child has a right to know who their dad is

I really disagree with this. It is selfish to bring a child into the world with a shite Dad or a Dad who doesn't want them though.

There are so many amazing single parents out there. I think you can do it OP. Would you have a possibility of hiring in help for the postpartum period?

I noticed you said children which is plural - the mothers I know who had them single by choice have a child.

Honestly, I think the misalignment of what you want will end your marriage eventually anyway, so you should move on and pursue your goals while you can.

No doubt single parenting will be tough, but the alternative sounds much tougher for you.

I completely disagree.

I think going on any social media site (which we all know is fake) is going to give very biased views.

Being on an anonymous forum like MN is going to give you much better unbiased views and not just the ‘good’ bits.

Of course it’s good to get a range of views but people are gf really more honest when it’s anonymous.

Appears they didn't.

I am not at all sure that being a single parent with a spinal injury is a good idea.

I don't get why you are leaping to sperm donation either. You can find someone else.

I am not a single parent but speaking only for myself, I would rather not have had children than have them alone. It's very hard even with a partner.

@AdventuresInMothering does that Facebook group consider the children at all?

Break up with him and get dating - you’re still young enough to meet someone and have a family.

Being a solo parent is hard OP, very hard. I’m with my partner and struggle a lot as we don’t have any other support here (our families live in another country). While motherhood is beautiful I can’t imagine what I would do alone. When I get sick I don’t get a break, when I’m mentally drained I have to be there for my son, when I’m physically exhausted I still have to do dinners, etc. My life lost the spontaneity it had before and I miss it. Don’t take me wrong, I adore my child and wouldn’t change it for anything. I’m happy to be a mom and I know this lasts a few years until they get older, but is not easy. I won’t talk about the financial aspect as you seem well off OP. So I would say, if you have support, either friends or family that are willing to help you go for it, is not impossible. Even though is hard, is really worthy.

Rubbish. It’s not selfish for anyone to not want a child whatever the reason.