AIBU to leave DH and start a family?

IVF with his sperm.

I'd do it.

The if you stay with DH and the longing and DC doesn't go away, imagine the resentment you have when its finally too late? Imagine how you'd feel towards him in 10 or 20 years time?
The dismissiveness he's currently showing would massively add to that resentment. He's also acting as if his preferences trump yours and you don't even get a say.

I actually doubt any relationship could survive that level of resentment (understandably). So I'd predict that if you did stay together it wouldn't last long term anyway.

In which case you'd have lost out on your opportunity to become a mum AND would end up without your DH regardless

You both want different things in life, leave him alone

That was quite the drip feed. If you always knew you wanted children why did you marry him @spottedinthewild?

Given the update you need to leave and go it alone if having children is so important to you.

You will resent him if you don’t try, so go for it.

What other family support do you have? Yes, single parenthood is possible but it requires planning and luck in order to be successful.

What’s the definition of success?
You are infinitely luckier if you get in and do something rather than thinking about it.

I think dogs are different as you need to understand a totally different species.

Hold on, so if he's had the snip how would you get pregnant with him even if he was agreeable?

I think that communication is going to be key here.

Not all families look the same, not all relationships look the same, things don't always have to be conventional if that's not the best fit for you.

You know that you want a child and are happy to have one on your own, you know you love DH and want to be with him.

Why not sit down with him, explain that really honestly and see whether there is any sort of compromise that might let that happen?

As an example, could you live separately for a time whilst you have a baby - effectively go back to dating for a few years?

I would have done this if Id needed to. I know for some people its a harder decision because they weigh the partner and the children more similarly, but for me if Id had to make a choice it would always have been to have kids. As it is the partner turned out to be an abusive arsehole so I'm there anyway as a single mum. You already resent him over this, that doesn't go away and will only get worse. Chose the thing you can't live without, it sounds like for you that is children.

It’s selfish to deliberately bring a child into the world with only half the parenting they deserve, but YANBU to leave your husband because you want different things out of life.

Do what's right for you. Unfortunately time isn't on your side (unfair for women I know) so if having children is really important to you investigate your options now and decide on what's best. You don't want to look back with regret!

Did you not have this discussion before you decided to get married?

You could stay and later on your relationship break down anyway and you’d have given up your dream of a baby

I would go straight to a fertility clinic to discuss and get tests done immediately on your fertility just to check that there is no obvious reason a solo pregnancy wouldn’t work so you can make a fully informed decision.

I'm always struck by the difference between the tone of threads depending on whether posters are deciding whether to have a baby or adopt a dog. The former is a much bigger decision but the latter apparently requires much more consideration!

What other family support do you have? Yes, single parenthood is possible but it requires planning and luck in order to be successful. There are often threads on here by single mums who have a crisis/emergency and no one to look after their kid(s), e.g. if they have to go into hospital.

"Going to a sperm bank" isn't as simple as that. Children now have the right to know their donor fathers at 18, and to find their donor siblings.

So you're either going to be

1. 75 and hate and resent him because he stole your life and you never got to have the children you desperately wanted, or
2. you put your own wants, needs desires in a box and pack them away to open as a shoulda woulda coulda moment when you're 50 (see point 1)

your wants are poles apart, that's not a relationship maker.

Have a child . Your longing / love for DH will diminish over time . The longing for a child will be lifelong and full of regret if you don't .

So you have a child alone and something happens to you medically what then? Who will care for the child? Is it really fair on a child to deliberately have one without a father?

It is not just about you when you create human life

Sit him down today and tell him you’re leaving to be a mum. It never leaves you. Your dh has a dd he cannot know how you feel.

It's odd isn't it? Is he in a well paid job @spottedinthewild?
It's not something like he's not and it's all about inheritance for HIS dc as he think adoption means he could leave them out?

Are his concerns regarding the effects of pregnancy in your health genuine?
I think if they are then he is being reasonable to raise this, as potentially you could end up ill and he is concerned he would be the one looking after a baby (he doesn't want). Also if his concerns are true, leaving him to have a baby alone could also be a dangerous idea. What would happen if something did go wrong? Would you still be able to care for a baby and hold down a job? or if left disabled would this mean you wouldn't be able to afford your own home and no longer have the good life?

What has he been relying on to prevent pregnancy?