Why are (some specifically mine) men like this?

Useful inconsiderate father more likely. The biggest influence on men is other men.

Yes, it's really the fault of women that men are shit.

That's why women do most of the work at home, because the men keep us in line.

What is done is done. But I would be have a conversation along the lines that none of this selfish, childish, stupidity is happening again.

He sorts out his own lift/Uber to get where he is going and you will be locking the door at a sensible bed time so he either needs to take keys or get a key safe fitted.

You won’t though, otherwise you would have done that at 1am today rather than waiting up until almost 3am… and then getting up with the kids. I’d be going out once he wakes up

Get a key safe. Or tell him you are locking up at X o clock.
Why on earth are you putting up with it?
And if he wants a night out he can get a bus or an Uber surely!

Depressing to see so many people blaming OP for her partner's poor behaviour. I'd regard this as controlling behaviour (by her partner) and victim blaming (by some of MN)

It's easy to say "just go to bed and don't answer the door". But, if he's banging on the front door at 2am disturbing all the neighbours, it's not easy to ignore it and pretend to be asleep

OP, he's showing you who he is. Pay attention. At best, he's a selfish AH. At worst, he's controlling. What advice would you offer to a friend in your situation?

Told you he'd be back by midnight, but actually came home at 2.30am...and presumably he is still asleep while you sort out the DC.

He is selfish and controlling.

And far from not too bad, he sounds awful.

OP, if there is a next time, you don't need to hand him his keys. You arenot his mother.
You just need to inform him of the situation.

You just tell him ' take your keys'.
If he says, no.
You respond with, ' you will need them to get in because I will be locking up when i go to bed. Please remember to be quiet when you get home'.
That's all.

And follow through.
Lock up and go to bed.

Are you expected to get up this morning, be with the children and not be grumpy or falling asleep while watching them after a night of very little sleep? But he can't get up and be with them because he will be grumpy and falling asleep while watching them because he has a hangover?

Is there a reason you can't see how unequal your situation is?

Yes and I bet he manages NOT to lose his phone or wallet

why if this has happened before (and anyway) you not insist he took keys?

I nag my teens to always take a key when they go out of the house, even when others are in, it’s just routine & sensible.

All of this is ridiculous. An adult man won't take his own house keys when he goes out? Selfish.

He won't get up with the D.C. tomorrow? Then he should have got up with them today.

And you've had to wait up until 2.30? Bonkers.

Next time, he takes keys. Or you lock him out.

Sounds like a teenager!

Quite! Always blame a woman.

But their fathers are perfect I suppose?

He's actually not that bad.

Raise your bar.

Definitely - if he goes out without his keys, and drive him around, he knows where you are and what you're doing.

Men like this like the idea of their wives sitting at home waiting and worrying.

How have you found a way to blame women for shitty male behaviour?

I have a friend whose DH would come home routinely 20 minutes late. A tiny bit! But she had explained to him over and over that she needed to go to sleep at a certain time (say 12) and if he came in 20 minutes after that it would wake her up at a crucial point in the sleep cycle and leave her unable to sleep for ages.
When he continued to do this, because it was only 20 minutes, eventually she locked their bedroom door when she went to bed at the time she had said, and left a sleeping bag on the sofa for him. It made the point (and history, they’ll still be using it as a Relationship Tale when they’re 80) but theirs is a mutually respectful relationship so after his annoyance, he saw how unreasonable he had been up until then.
is your man likely to see your point or feel hard done by?

Why are "they" like this? "They" are not your dh is. Why? Because (and sorry to be harsh here) you facilitate it. You gave him a lift, you got up in the middle of the night to let him in, you let him lie in.... You don't say, "if you don't take your keys you'll be locked out and I won't let you in and if you make a racket the neighbours will call the police". You don't say "you need to get a cab", you don't say "you're being selfish", you just let him .....

It would never occur to me to ask DH whether he had his keys as he would have them on him, so I wouldn’t have to stay up to let him in, and vice versa

So...this is how I would do it. DH would be told to make his own way there and back and quietly using his own key let himself in. I would go to bed when it suits me. I don't pander to others (male or female).

DH doesn't go out much and he can't stand football so it's never likely to happen.

I was thinking this too.
He isn’t home and still controlling the home .
He wants his dw up when he gets home so he won’t take a key and she will have to wait up .
All kinds of horrible and selfish.

Exactly this. Seriously, raise your standards and expectations.

@TakingBackSunday so you have the kids all weekend .
What plans do you have for next weekend op.
Are you going out Saturday to a spa and overnight.
Is then arrive home Sunday once everything had been dealt with that day too .
I enable you could possibly come home and parent as you are too hungover.

Do you actulay you out ? Maybe he needs to realise and grow up .
I couldn’t put up with this .

Try 'don't be such a jerk, take the keys, i'm going to bed as am up with the kids in the morning, bye'