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Original poster

Why are (some specifically mine) men like this?

285 replies

TakingBackSunday · 09/03/2025 00:52

DH has gone out tonight okay fine, asked me to drop him off but forgot to tell me about the football match so spent 40 minutes in traffic with two kids ... fine whatever, he could have gotten a taxi tho 🙄

Refused to take the keys because he'd be back at 12 (been out since 5) as he knows I can't go to bed without locking the door as I don't feel safe sleeping with two kids and the door unlocked.

Hasn't messaged me since 10pm

Wonder when he'll get home .. wonder when I'll get to go to bed.

Bet he expects me to get up with them tomorrow as well Hmm

OP posts:
Saracen · 09/03/2025 08:50

I'm considering locking the door and going to bed but if he knocks or rings the bell it'll wake the whole house plus the neighbours and I don't want to deal with that.

But that would be HIS problem. He bangs on the door, you eventually stumble to the door to let him in, tear a strip off him, and leave him to settle the kids he woke up. He can apologise to the neighbours too.

True, you'll have been woken up and won't get back to sleep in a hurry because it will take him a while to get the kids to sleep, but it's no worse for you than what happened last night - you had to wait up till after 2am. And he will have had to take some consequences for his behaviour, and will remember next time.

BMW6 · 09/03/2025 08:49

To answer your question OP - he does it BECAUSE YOU LET HIM

WaterMonkey · 09/03/2025 08:49

Happystrider1 · 09/03/2025 08:46

Key safe
Lock all the doors and he sorta himself out when he gets home

To be honest today i'd be banging every saucepan, sing off with the little one and TV on load.

It is a beautiful day for taking up tap-dancing . . .

SnoopysHoose · 09/03/2025 08:49

Is the not taking keys a control thing? to keep Op awake and anxious?

Hadalifeonce · 09/03/2025 08:48

Take the DC into him, and tell him you have somewhere to be. Also tell him they need feeding (you shouldn't have to really, but he's an idiot)

MrsMurphyIWish · 09/03/2025 08:48

To answer the question, because people around them let them be. You can’t control other people’s behaviour, you can control your own. I’d rather be alone than tolerate this low level crap.

Ginmonkeyagain · 09/03/2025 08:48

The only time Mr Monkey does not take keys is if he is going for a short ish (ie an hour or less) local run and he knows I am definitely going to be in - eg early on a Sunday morning. But if I object he will take them - because he is not a twat.

Isitafullmoon · 09/03/2025 08:48

It's really depressing reading posts like this.

I always wonder what the woman is really getting from the relationship.

It must be so miserable bringing up children and having a man in the house who is nothing but a weight around your neck and causing issues.

notatinydancer · 09/03/2025 08:46

TakingBackSunday · 09/03/2025 01:55

He's actually not that bad.

I'm just pissed off and tired, he won't get up with the kids cos he'll be hung over, tired whatever and if he does get up with them he'll just be miserable and probably fall asleep watching them so it's better I get up but it's just really frustrating and it could have been solved if he either took the keys when I gave them to him or come home at 12 like agreed.

He is that bad.
Won't take keys
Won't get up
Probably came crashing in pissed
You're now sleep deprived
Let kids sit in traffic for no reason.

Happystrider1 · 09/03/2025 08:46

Key safe
Lock all the doors and he sorta himself out when he gets home

To be honest today i'd be banging every saucepan, sing off with the little one and TV on load.

TheMorels · 09/03/2025 08:46

So, because he’s a selfish arsehole, you had to stay up till at least 2.30am.

I’m often staggered at the very low bar women set themselves on here.

Porcuporpoise · 09/03/2025 08:44

Daleksatemyshed · 09/03/2025 08:42

If he does this every six months fair enough but I bet it's not. I never leave the house without my door keys but then I don't come home pissed at 2 in the morning either.

Fine every 6 months? It's not even fine once.

WaterMonkey · 09/03/2025 08:43

FriendsDrinkBook · 09/03/2025 07:42

I may be jumping to ridiculous conclusions , but exh refused to carry keys. It was part of a pattern of controlling behaviour , he just wanted me to be available to do things for him at all times. It seems ridiculous now , but I actually stopped taking the kids out in the afternoon so that I could let him in to the house. Hopefully this isn't the case for you but it's something to consider.

This was my immediate thought. It’s controlling as hell.

Porcuporpoise · 09/03/2025 08:42

ChickenLittlesCat · 09/03/2025 08:31

Yes, it's really the fault of women that men are shit.

That's why women do most of the work at home, because the men keep us in line.

Show quote history

No woman has to be in a relationship with a shit man or put up with a man's shit. Because, contrary to common belief, not all men are like this and being single is better than being with one who is.

OP this is madness. Stand up for yourself.

Daleksatemyshed · 09/03/2025 08:42

If he does this every six months fair enough but I bet it's not. I never leave the house without my door keys but then I don't come home pissed at 2 in the morning either.

notatinydancer · 09/03/2025 08:42

RobinHeartella · 09/03/2025 08:09

Do you only have one set of keys between you? Get a second set cut and that will solve this problem I think

She's explained a few times, he's got keys. He wouldn't take them out with him because he's an arsehole who expects her to wait up for him.

Pigeonqueen · 09/03/2025 08:41

Weirdly enough I know quite a few men (not my dh thankfully) who seem to do this not taking their key thing. My now ex fil is one of them, never ever takes a key and expects mil to be at home to let him in. It’s definitely a control thing. Makes me so angry.

LochKatrine · 09/03/2025 08:40

LovelyLeitrim · 09/03/2025 08:37

Which is what OPs children are seeing right now and think is “normal” and so it continues…

Show quote history

Yes, that's the cycle

Bjorkdidit · 09/03/2025 08:38

Createausername1970 · 09/03/2025 08:29

What is done is done. But I would be have a conversation along the lines that none of this selfish, childish, stupidity is happening again.

He sorts out his own lift/Uber to get where he is going and you will be locking the door at a sensible bed time so he either needs to take keys or get a key safe fitted.

This.

How often do you go out and get shitfaced, without a key so DH has to wait up and then get up with DC while you laze in bed to sleep off your hangover?

I'm guessing never. Or at least he's done it way more than you have.

HunterAngel · 09/03/2025 08:37

That’s so selfish. If my DH tried this he’d be sleeping on the front lawn, I certainly wouldn’t be waiting up to let him in! Get a key safe and don’t wait for him to wander back home at some ungodly hour. In fact I’d be tempted to go one step further and install a lock on the bedroom door, make him sleep on the sofa

Trumptonagain · 09/03/2025 08:37

The very fact that by not taking a key and telling me he'd be back by midnight would have me telling him if by midnight he means back 2 hours before midnight fine I'll stay up to let him in but if he's expecting me to wait up until midnight, then some, no absolutely not, key or sleep in the shed.

LovelyLeitrim · 09/03/2025 08:37

5128gap · 09/03/2025 08:34

Useful inconsiderate father more likely. The biggest influence on men is other men.

Show quote history

Which is what OPs children are seeing right now and think is “normal” and so it continues…

LovelyLeitrim · 09/03/2025 08:36

ChickenLittlesCat · 09/03/2025 08:34

I hope you wake his ass up to deal with the kids op and get s lay in after a late night.

OP has already confirmed he won’t be doing it, because he won’t be capable, so more trouble than it’s worth!

You couldn’t make it up!

LovelyLeitrim · 09/03/2025 08:34

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 09/03/2025 08:29

You won’t though, otherwise you would have done that at 1am today rather than waiting up until almost 3am… and then getting up with the kids. I’d be going out once he wakes up

Show quote history

Exactly this!

so you’ve got 3-4 hours sleep and he thinks that’s ok and you think he’s “not too bad”.

I would be fuming that my Sunday was ruined with tiredness, because my selfish “D”H wouldn’t take his keys, nor come home at the agreed time because he didn’t take his keys.

So, you’re up looking after DC, because he’s hungover and incapable as you’ve stated.

Will you make the selfish bastard dinner today as well?

Honestly, this is such selfish behaviour and you’re so accepting with “next time” what you’re going to do.

There wouldn’t be a bloody next time, if he tried to pull that stunt again.

And in answer to your question, no not all men are selfish and unable to take keys with them when they go out.

ChickenLittlesCat · 09/03/2025 08:34

I hope you wake his ass up to deal with the kids op and get s lay in after a late night.