Why are (some specifically mine) men like this?

If he's drunk he won't be able to use the keysafe. They're fiddly

Do these men not have fathers?

Why do women always get the blame, just stop.

Because he's expecting to get drunk so may well lose them 🙄

I know. None of the original post shows behaviours that are healthy of a loving partner.

He's probably "not that bad" because he doesn't hit her.

I'd be devastated if my daughter accepted this behaviour from someone who was supposed to love her.

I suspect OP you didn't grow up with parents who respected each other.

Definitely don't wait up for him in future! His decision not to take keys. My DH went through a phase of doing this, it was such a pain.

For the future, though, a key safe is definitely a handy thing to have.

None of this would bother me particularly because DH is happy to do stuff like this for me when I go out. Now we have teens he'll come and pick me and my friends up. When the kids were little he'd make me a cup of tea for when I got in.
He doesn't like taking his keys out as they're too bulky. We do have a key safe but I don't mind if he rings me to let him in. He'd get up with little ones when I went out and vice versa.

Oh bore off with all the feminist "gotchas"

I'm allowed an opinion that doesn't follow the entrenched 2025 'groupthink'.

In my experience, pandying mothers can contribute to lazy entitled men.

But you do you. Go save the world.

Well, he's got you well trained. Sorry that is bitchy but come on raise your bar! You deserve respect and consideration and it sounds like you aren't getting them.

It's just yours, mine would never do anything like this.

He doesn't need a babysitter/parent to drop him off for playdates or wait up for him.

This ⬆️. Please listen, OP. You don't need a key safe, you need a decent husband.

so how did you come to be with this prince among men?

You say that he isn't that bad, but in relation to this, he really is. Why did you have to drive him? He could get a taxi or public transport without you having to drag the kids out. He refuses to take keys (why on earth would he lose them) and then comes back hours later than his stated time. He now expects you to get up with the kids so that he can sleep off his hangover.

You are at his beck and call to facilitate his social life, no matter how much this inconveniences you and your children. He sounds completely selfish unless he would be happy doing this for you on a night out. I doubt very much that he would.

If I were you I'd be telling him I'm going away next weekend and leave him with kids.
Selfish twat.

Nah my husband wouldn’t ever do this, because I wouldn’t let him get away with this shit.

I can’t believe you waited up past 2am for him when you need to be up with the kids. What a mug.

If my husband said he was not taking keys because he “will be back by 12” I’d say “No I’ll be in bed long before that, I’ll leave the key under the plant pot.”

The key thing is definitely controlling. There was a thread on here not too long ago where a woman was bereft that her H had announced he would be no longer carrying keys. Can't remember exactly but I think it meant she thought she was going to have to give up her job.

My ex always took his keys but on occasion would hide mine or take mine with him "by accident" leaving me locked in or unable to leave the house without leaving the door unlocked.

I'm sorry to be dramatic but I actually think this is abusive behaviour. I would be seriously thinking about my future...

This has been an upsetting read. Your DH is horrid and you can't see it. It's quite chilling. Full of control and contempt.

I hope you find the strength to challenge this and to leave.

Or another husband.

Why would anyone tolerate this shit is beyond me.

What do you mean, "he's not that bad"? What does "bad" look like? Where's the bar? Cheating? Violence? What's your comparison?

Would you ever behave like this to him? If not, why not?

I would be absolutely furious in your situation but you seem to think this level of disrespect and selfishness isn't that big a deal. You get to be sleep deprived AND do all the work tomorrow because of a situation he alone has caused in order to get his jollies. I wonder how you have been treated in your life to think that this is acceptable behaviour towards you.

Most men don't act like this and most women aren't treated like this.

I wish better for you.

Yep

I wonder if there are any second hand drum kits on market place today too? Could easily have a theatre performance rehearsed and ready to perform by lunch time

Sorry OP I have zero sympathy. Nobody made you do any of this. Don’t give the lift (with 2 kids) if you don’t want to. Insist he takes his keys. Have a discussion beforehand about whether he gets a lie in or you expect him to get up with the kids or whether you get a night out next weekend etc. Stop being so passive then acting like a martyr. I’m assuming he never held a gun to your head throughout any of this.

I don’t think the majority of men are like this. This is just ridiculously inconsiderate and thoughtless.

The thread title is telling. Actively refusing to take a key out is not something most men (even the worst ones) would do. It's next level irresponsible stupidity or seriously controlling.
The home by 12 thing is a red herring even if he was back on time.
What if there was an emergency at 10 and you'd had to go out?

Not even bothering to text you an ETA when he knew he'd be late is also appalling.

I'm just waiting for the update where we find out the Prince among Men came in having soiled himself in the taxi or urinated in the wardrobe before passing out.

He needs to be up with the kids hangover or not.