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Original poster

Why are (some specifically mine) men like this?

285 replies

TakingBackSunday · 09/03/2025 00:52

DH has gone out tonight okay fine, asked me to drop him off but forgot to tell me about the football match so spent 40 minutes in traffic with two kids ... fine whatever, he could have gotten a taxi tho 🙄

Refused to take the keys because he'd be back at 12 (been out since 5) as he knows I can't go to bed without locking the door as I don't feel safe sleeping with two kids and the door unlocked.

Hasn't messaged me since 10pm

Wonder when he'll get home .. wonder when I'll get to go to bed.

Bet he expects me to get up with them tomorrow as well Hmm

OP posts:
LovelyLeitrim · 09/03/2025 10:06

Halloumiheaven · 09/03/2025 09:28

Oh bore off with all the feminist "gotchas"

I'm allowed an opinion that doesn't follow the entrenched 2025 'groupthink'.

In my experience, pandying mothers can contribute to lazy entitled men.

But you do you. Go save the world.

Show quote history

It’s pandering 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

SALaw · 09/03/2025 10:06

TakingBackSunday · 09/03/2025 02:26

I got a notification that an Ubers been booked so he's on his way back then I can get some sleep before little one wakes up.

Key safe might be a good idea but you're right next time he takes keys or I'm locking up at the time he'd say he'd be home 😴

Have you sat up until 2.30am waiting for him to come home?!?

Destinye · 09/03/2025 10:04

This isn’t something I’ve ever heard a grown man do, either.

@SuperTrooper14 selfish, inconsiderate shitbox is right :-)

LovelyLeitrim · 09/03/2025 10:04

Halloumiheaven · 09/03/2025 10:02

I'm not here to retract my opinion because you try to dissect it.

I'm allowed an opinion. If you disagree with it , that's absolutely fine.

Have a lovely day in the sunshine.

Show quote history

You really should retract it, it was nonsense!

You enjoy the sunshine as well!

SuperTrooper14 · 09/03/2025 10:04

Halloumiheaven · 09/03/2025 09:49

Google is available

Show quote history

Well according to Google pandying "is the present participle of the verb "pandy", which means to punish a child by striking the palm of their hand with a strap or cane. It is mainly used in Scotland and Ireland."

Think you mean pandering.

If you're going to denigrate women for the sins of their sons, at least get the insult right.

SALaw · 09/03/2025 10:03

Do you stay up until after 12 regardless of whether he's out or was he requiring you to stay up late for him to get in?

Halloumiheaven · 09/03/2025 10:02

Porcuporpoise · 09/03/2025 09:52

According to Google a "pandy" is either a blow to the hand with a strap or stick, a mill or mashed potatoes (Irish, informal). It's also an unpleasant piece of British Indian colonial slang. Which one do you think fits here?

Show quote history

I'm not here to retract my opinion because you try to dissect it.

I'm allowed an opinion. If you disagree with it , that's absolutely fine.

Have a lovely day in the sunshine.

wherearemypastnames · 09/03/2025 10:01

Next time lock the door and go to bed

This morning , yell "I'm off, you look after the kids " and go out

And when he moans say you are treating him the way he treats you - with no respect or care

Thisismetooaswell · 09/03/2025 10:00

Definitely get a key safe (a good one). My DH always takes keys - and will always check when we get in the car - drives me mad. I always say it doesn't matter if we haven't, we've got the safe

SuperTrooper14 · 09/03/2025 09:59

TakingBackSunday · 09/03/2025 01:55

He's actually not that bad.

I'm just pissed off and tired, he won't get up with the kids cos he'll be hung over, tired whatever and if he does get up with them he'll just be miserable and probably fall asleep watching them so it's better I get up but it's just really frustrating and it could have been solved if he either took the keys when I gave them to him or come home at 12 like agreed.

He really is that bad.

He could've gone out under his own steam but forced you to put your kids in the car for 40 minutes to ferry him there. Then he refused to take his keys knowing you'd have to wait up late to let him in.

What a selfish, inconsiderate shitbox.

He's not alone either. MN this morning is full of threads about useless men with virtually no redeeming qualities calling the shots and expecting their wives/partners to be thankful for being in a relationship with them. Time to raise those bars, ladies!

WaterMonkey · 09/03/2025 09:58

Porcuporpoise · 09/03/2025 09:54

Actually I disagree. I think both parents can and do contribute. Always mothers who get the blame though.

Show quote history

Same. And in my experience it tends to be the parents who live by entrenched gender roles and reject that ‘orrid old ‘feminism’ that raise useless, abusive goons like this.

TheOGCCL · 09/03/2025 09:54

The whole thing sounds utterly disrespectful.

Porcuporpoise · 09/03/2025 09:54

Sinkintotheswamp · 09/03/2025 09:51

Their mums aren't to blame for it. It's their toxic sexist pig dad's who raise men like this.

Actually I disagree. I think both parents can and do contribute. Always mothers who get the blame though.

BitOutOfPractice · 09/03/2025 09:53

Get a key safe and/or a backbone.

arcticpandas · 09/03/2025 09:52

And if you want to go to bed at 10? Never heard about someone refusing to take keys! Does he get really wasted is that why?

Porcuporpoise · 09/03/2025 09:52

Halloumiheaven · 09/03/2025 09:49

Google is available

Show quote history

According to Google a "pandy" is either a blow to the hand with a strap or stick, a mill or mashed potatoes (Irish, informal). It's also an unpleasant piece of British Indian colonial slang. Which one do you think fits here?

Sinkintotheswamp · 09/03/2025 09:51

Their mums aren't to blame for it. It's their toxic sexist pig dad's who raise men like this.

LochKatrine · 09/03/2025 09:50

WaterMonkey · 09/03/2025 09:48

I think they mean ‘pandering’.

Show quote history

Yes, that's what I thought. "Pandering to" makes more sense.

Halloumiheaven · 09/03/2025 09:50

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/03/2025 09:44

Do these men not have fathers?

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Ironically in my experienced example - no.

But regardless, a pandying mother is a thing. But in 2025 it seems we must keep to the groupthink.

LochKatrine · 09/03/2025 09:50

"pandying" means hitting someone on the palm of the hand, with a strap or a ruler.

thislifer · 09/03/2025 09:49

That's a weird reason to refuse to take keys with him? Because he might lose them?

Is he going bungee jumping? Or wild swimming? Or a tough mudder?

Cos doing those activities then yes, I'd probably ask someone to hold my keys for me.

Did he take his phone or his cards or his fags out with him? Somehow they weren't a problem, but the keys were?

You're being played at the very least op or under coercive control.

But anyway, enjoy your night out next weekend when you leave your keys with him at home with the kids and the shoe is on the other foot....

Halloumiheaven · 09/03/2025 09:49

Isthiswhatmenthink · 09/03/2025 09:47

What’s a ‘pandying mother’?

Show quote history

Google is available

WaterMonkey · 09/03/2025 09:48

Isthiswhatmenthink · 09/03/2025 09:47

What’s a ‘pandying mother’?

Show quote history

I think they mean ‘pandering’.

Isthiswhatmenthink · 09/03/2025 09:47

Halloumiheaven · 09/03/2025 09:28

Oh bore off with all the feminist "gotchas"

I'm allowed an opinion that doesn't follow the entrenched 2025 'groupthink'.

In my experience, pandying mothers can contribute to lazy entitled men.

But you do you. Go save the world.

Show quote history

What’s a ‘pandying mother’?

Isthiswhatmenthink · 09/03/2025 09:46

TakingBackSunday · 09/03/2025 02:26

I got a notification that an Ubers been booked so he's on his way back then I can get some sleep before little one wakes up.

Key safe might be a good idea but you're right next time he takes keys or I'm locking up at the time he'd say he'd be home 😴

He is an unbelievably selfish cunt.