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Original poster

Why are (some specifically mine) men like this?

285 replies

TakingBackSunday · 09/03/2025 00:52

DH has gone out tonight okay fine, asked me to drop him off but forgot to tell me about the football match so spent 40 minutes in traffic with two kids ... fine whatever, he could have gotten a taxi tho 🙄

Refused to take the keys because he'd be back at 12 (been out since 5) as he knows I can't go to bed without locking the door as I don't feel safe sleeping with two kids and the door unlocked.

Hasn't messaged me since 10pm

Wonder when he'll get home .. wonder when I'll get to go to bed.

Bet he expects me to get up with them tomorrow as well Hmm

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 09/03/2025 10:35

DH and I both had separate hobbies that we often pursued on a Sunday morning.

Once DS came along that wasn't practical. So DH had first dibs on the first and second Sundays and I had first dibs on the third and fourth. Any Fifth Sundays were bacon sandwich days.

Communication and compromise on both sides, otherwise a relationship is doomed to flounder in resentment and misunderstanding.

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/03/2025 10:32

Halloumiheaven · 09/03/2025 09:50

Ironically in my experienced example - no.

But regardless, a pandying mother is a thing. But in 2025 it seems we must keep to the groupthink.

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Even if that's correct. At what point do men take responsibility for their own actions?

Halloumiheaven · 09/03/2025 10:31

AhaHa · 09/03/2025 10:29

so it’s always a woman’s fault, then?

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Yawn 🥱

Yes I said that didn't I. It's always women's fault.

OneTwinklyPlumBeaker · 09/03/2025 10:30

I must live in a really safe area as I would just go to bed and leave the door unlocked so
No need to take keys or stay awake.

Codlingmoths · 09/03/2025 10:30

Lock the door. At least pretend to be asleep. Play faux naive- ‘you mean you expected me to just wait up for you? Is that because you’re going to get up with the kids in the morning? No? Then I lock the door and go to bed, I’m sorry do you not actually think I’m a real person, just a service robot to wait by the door at the evening and attend to the children first thing in the morning while you go out and sleep in?’

AhaHa · 09/03/2025 10:29

Halloumiheaven · 09/03/2025 01:05

Usually been bought up by pandying mothers...

so it’s always a woman’s fault, then?

snotathing · 09/03/2025 10:29

You had to wait up until after 2.30 am to open the door for him because he can't be bothered carrying a key? What kind of man would make his wife do that? It's absurd.

WhatTheFudges · 09/03/2025 10:28

If he doesn’t take the keys he goes and sleeps somewhere else, I wouldn’t have waited up to 12 either. I’d be waking him this morning to deal with the kids because now you’ve had the same amount of sleep as him, his made the whole thing a pointless drama.

BettyBardMacDonald · 09/03/2025 10:25

Halloumiheaven · 09/03/2025 01:05

Usually been bought up by pandying mothers...

Yep. As I always say, who's raising all these selfish man-child twats? And yet they keep doing it.

Neemie · 09/03/2025 10:25

You have slipped into a relationship pattern where he acts like a selfish arse and you pander to his needs.

SuperTrooper14 · 09/03/2025 10:20

wherearemypastnames · 09/03/2025 10:15

It is just possible that the same word has different meanings in different locations

Pandying isn’t the same as pandering in any location!

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/03/2025 10:18

Why do you tolerate this?

LovelyLeitrim · 09/03/2025 10:17

Halloumiheaven · 09/03/2025 10:16

I think you need to accept my simple sentence as one offering of an opinion. I don't think it should be over analysed and dissected and me made to admit I'm wrong.

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I think your original comment, most certainly needed calling out and analysing.

A man behaved badly, blame a woman? Just why?

LochKatrine · 09/03/2025 10:17

wherearemypastnames · 09/03/2025 10:15

It is just possible that the same word has different meanings in different locations

No, they mean "pandering to". It's not a problem, it's easy to make a mistake with a choice of word, or mishear something originally. However, if someone thinks that's the right word, they get defensive.
Anyway. I think we get what they meant.

Rowena191 · 09/03/2025 10:17

Get a key safe, leave the keys in there then go to bed.

LovelyLeitrim · 09/03/2025 10:16

wherearemypastnames · 09/03/2025 10:15

It is just possible that the same word has different meanings in different locations

No idea, do you?

Even so, it’s not women’s fault that men behave badly, nor that they go in women’s toilets.

Halloumiheaven · 09/03/2025 10:16

LochKatrine · 09/03/2025 10:14

Do you think those men need a whack across the palm of the hand?

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I think you need to accept my simple sentence as one offering of an opinion. I don't think it should be over analysed and dissected and me made to admit I'm wrong.

DubheYouCantBeSirius · 09/03/2025 10:15

@TakingBackSunday Would he do this to his best mate? Would he do this to his boss? No of course not. He's a jeb end and you need to sit him down and tell him his future. He has zero respect for you.

wherearemypastnames · 09/03/2025 10:15

It is just possible that the same word has different meanings in different locations

LochKatrine · 09/03/2025 10:14

Halloumiheaven · 09/03/2025 10:07

Thankyou I will. Lovely day for a family walk.

I don't have to retract my opinion. And I won't. I'm sorry if that disappoints you. Not being able to express opinions is what leads people to whispering their real opinions to their friends in private and filtering them and going along with 'groupthink' in public.

Then men end up in women's toilets....

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Do you think those men need a whack across the palm of the hand?

Heronwatcher · 09/03/2025 10:12

My DP is absolutely not like this. If he ever pulled a stunt like this he’d be sleeping in the shed. TBH I would too!

There was once a thread on MN about a man who refused to take his keys out ever, but then went mental when his wife wasn’t in to let him into the house. Like she was an unpaid concierge. In that case it was a horrifying sign of a deeply damaged relationship.

gannett · 09/03/2025 10:11

There are so so many threads on MN along these lines where the man has forgotten (or deliberately not taken!) their keys. It's the most baffling thing. Everyone knows plans can change at the drop of the hat. The person who's in might have to go out. The person who's out might stay out longer than planned. Why is it so hard to TAKE YOUR KEYS? This is something that every chaotic drunken 20-something in every houseshare I've ever lived in managed, so what's with all the grown men who can't do it?

In OP's position I wouldn't have let him leave the house without his keys but if he really insisted I'd have just gone to bed when I wanted and let him fend for himself. I'm a heavy sleeper so no guarantees he'd have woken me up even if he'd banged on the door. I'd have also reflected heavily on why I was married to such an idiot.

LovelyLeitrim · 09/03/2025 10:08

Halloumiheaven · 09/03/2025 10:07

Thankyou I will. Lovely day for a family walk.

I don't have to retract my opinion. And I won't. I'm sorry if that disappoints you. Not being able to express opinions is what leads people to whispering their real opinions to their friends in private and filtering them and going along with 'groupthink' in public.

Then men end up in women's toilets....

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Don’t be “pandying” to them 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Halloumiheaven · 09/03/2025 10:07

LovelyLeitrim · 09/03/2025 10:04

You really should retract it, it was nonsense!

You enjoy the sunshine as well!

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Thankyou I will. Lovely day for a family walk.

I don't have to retract my opinion. And I won't. I'm sorry if that disappoints you. Not being able to express opinions is what leads people to whispering their real opinions to their friends in private and filtering them and going along with 'groupthink' in public.

Then men end up in women's toilets....

Undethetree · 09/03/2025 10:07

OP look up coercive control. Sorry you are going through this. Hope your day today is not too difficult.