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AIBU?

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Original poster

Who was right here?

132 replies

Rofhdj · 08/03/2025 21:44

I went to a child’s party today. The birthday boy turned five. One guest was his seven year old cousin.

Birthday boy was given a gift from another guest and opened it. Ten minutes or so later his cousin began opening it and said he wanted to play with it. The birthday boy objected and the cousin was told not to play with it until bb had opened it and played with it, and was told to give it to bb.

Which is unreasonable?

YABU - birthday boy should get to play with it first and it was right to stop the cousin
YANBU - the cousin was doing no harm and bb wasn’t playing with it

OP posts:
MyLimeGuide · 08/03/2025 22:26

I think you have too much time on your hands to be worrying about this. But I think of course a kids bday presents should be left the hell alone.

Ineffable23 · 08/03/2025 22:21

99% YABU on 183 votes here OP. Opening someone else's gift is unacceptable to me. It's nice to share but sharing doesn't start until the toys are opened/sweets are started or whatever.

Original poster
Rofhdj · 08/03/2025 22:20

Coconutter24 · 08/03/2025 22:19

I know you hadn’t said it but you obviously thought it because you then went on to write it

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Okay? I’m not sure of your point.

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 08/03/2025 22:19

Rofhdj · 08/03/2025 22:18

I hadn’t said that yet when I wrote the post you’re quoting.

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I know you hadn’t said it but you obviously thought it because you then went on to write it

Original poster
Rofhdj · 08/03/2025 22:18

Coconutter24 · 08/03/2025 22:16

“I felt a bit sorry for the kid. He was just looking at and playing with the toy. I couldn’t see the harm. But clearly I’m wrong.”

Its obviously nice to share toys and play together but a new toy which the BB hasn’t played with should be left alone until BB opens it

Show quote history

I hadn’t said that yet when I wrote the post you’re quoting.

OP posts:
Flutterbees · 08/03/2025 22:17

When my son was little and had a birthday party, my BIL and SIL unboxed a whole stack of his gifts and gave them to the cousins (not their kids, the other BIL's kids) to play with. No idea why. Heaps of bits and pieces went missing together with instructions. We were never able to assemble those toys properly. So annoying and very rude, they were my child's toys and he should have been able to unbox them and play with them first.

Coconutter24 · 08/03/2025 22:16

Rofhdj · 08/03/2025 21:52

I didn’t say I did.

Show quote history

“I felt a bit sorry for the kid. He was just looking at and playing with the toy. I couldn’t see the harm. But clearly I’m wrong.”

Its obviously nice to share toys and play together but a new toy which the BB hasn’t played with should be left alone until BB opens it

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 08/03/2025 22:13

I would be furious if someone was rude enough to open my new perfume and used it !

and there is no way on this earth would an older child relative be playing with my child's presents first.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 08/03/2025 22:10

The harm is that he was upsetting your nephew, on his birthday. The GPs are right, if this is the kind of thing he does often then he absolutely does have to learn it's not ok.

EG94 · 08/03/2025 22:10

Rofhdj · 08/03/2025 22:05

I’m not related to the cousin at all. Im BB’s aunt and the cousin is his cousin on the other side.

My nephew is a well behaved little boy and rarely any trouble. I’m often told that his cousin is naughty and is quite badly behaved. My nephew opened his gift today and his cousin started looking at it when nephew was doing something else. Nephew objected and their grandparent told his cousin to let nephew have it and it was his day etc. Cousin left the room upset and the grandparents said he had to learn.

I felt a bit sorry for the kid. He was just looking at and playing with the toy. I couldn’t see the harm. But clearly I’m wrong.

Show quote history

Yes sorry GPs are right he does have to learn how to respect others wishes and feelings. They’re so young, doubt cousin would be so accommodating on his birthday if it was the other way round but that’s kids of that age.

I also don’t agree with two siblings and on the birthday the other child gets a gift so they don’t feel left out. Feel it sends the wrong message and encourages spoilt entitled behaviour

Original poster
Rofhdj · 08/03/2025 22:05

EG94 · 08/03/2025 22:00

Surely it’s common knowledge/ decency that BB gets his presents before being asked to share them and the day should be about BB no one else. If you are the cousins mother you should of been the one to tell your child no before anyone else got the chance to

I’m not related to the cousin at all. Im BB’s aunt and the cousin is his cousin on the other side.

My nephew is a well behaved little boy and rarely any trouble. I’m often told that his cousin is naughty and is quite badly behaved. My nephew opened his gift today and his cousin started looking at it when nephew was doing something else. Nephew objected and their grandparent told his cousin to let nephew have it and it was his day etc. Cousin left the room upset and the grandparents said he had to learn.

I felt a bit sorry for the kid. He was just looking at and playing with the toy. I couldn’t see the harm. But clearly I’m wrong.

OP posts:
PullTheBricksDown · 08/03/2025 22:00

No one should muscle in and start using someone's birthday present before they've used it themselves. Kids may have to be told this but it's right to step in and tell them.

Gundogday · 08/03/2025 22:00

The birthday boy gets to play with it first. Cousin doesn’t get to play with it until birthday boy gives him permission to, whether it’s that day, or five years later.

EG94 · 08/03/2025 22:00

Surely it’s common knowledge/ decency that BB gets his presents before being asked to share them and the day should be about BB no one else. If you are the cousins mother you should of been the one to tell your child no before anyone else got the chance to

Stripeyanddotty · 08/03/2025 21:59

If I got a new book or perfume I honestly wouldn’t care if a cousin read the blurb or had a smell.

You aren’t 5.

Original poster
Rofhdj · 08/03/2025 21:59

jellyfishperiwinkle · 08/03/2025 21:55

Generally at this age they open gifts after the party for these kinds of reasons. Presents go in another room and other kids can't wander around and open them.

Edited

It was a house party and aside from these two there were only three other kids. A baby, and two and four year old siblings who brought said gift.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rofhdj · 08/03/2025 21:58

McSpoot · 08/03/2025 21:55

You did based on the way you set the voting.

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That was just a way to do the poll.

OP posts:
BellissimoGecko · 08/03/2025 21:57

Reading the blurb or having a smell is not equivalent. It would be ' read the book first' or 'used some of my perfume'.

The cousin was very much in the wrong.

In what world would that be ok behaviour?!

Lyra87 · 08/03/2025 21:56

Yabu. The cousin needs to be taught boundaries, they had no right to open another child's (relative or not) present. The birthday boy shouldn't have to share a toy before they even get to play with it, especially on their special day

jellyfishperiwinkle · 08/03/2025 21:55

Generally at this age they open gifts after the party for these kinds of reasons. Presents go in another room and other kids can't wander around and open them.

McSpoot · 08/03/2025 21:55

Rofhdj · 08/03/2025 21:52

I didn’t say I did.

Show quote history

You did based on the way you set the voting.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 08/03/2025 21:55

Cousin should have been taught you keep your mitts off stuff that doesn't belong to you - especially brand new gifts that the recipient hasn't even opened properly!

It's his present, it's not the cousins, even if the birthday boy opened it and played with it it's still not OK for the cousin to expect a 'turn' unless birthday boy offers it willingly - and not because an adult has told him to. I wouldn't take kindly to someone telling me I've got to lend my belongings out whether I want to or not, and imo there's no reason kids should be treated any differently.

CoralHare · 08/03/2025 21:55

Of course he shouldn’t take a brand new present to play with but also he is 7. So I’d I wouldn’t say he was unreasonable, just learning. Totally reasonable he was told no.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 08/03/2025 21:54

He's a five year old child on his birthday. Of COURSE he is allowed to say that he'd like to be the first to play with his new gift. Wow, entitlement much on behalf of whoever thought the seven year old should be allowed to overrule the birthday boy.

Original poster
Rofhdj · 08/03/2025 21:53

SallyDraperGetInHere · 08/03/2025 21:49

At any age, the same rules apply! Imagine you got perfume or wine or a book, and your cousin started opening your stuff!

If I got a new book or perfume I honestly wouldn’t care if a cousin read the blurb or had a smell.

OP posts:
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