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AIBU?

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Original poster

Who was right here?

132 replies

Rofhdj · 08/03/2025 21:44

I went to a child’s party today. The birthday boy turned five. One guest was his seven year old cousin.

Birthday boy was given a gift from another guest and opened it. Ten minutes or so later his cousin began opening it and said he wanted to play with it. The birthday boy objected and the cousin was told not to play with it until bb had opened it and played with it, and was told to give it to bb.

Which is unreasonable?

YABU - birthday boy should get to play with it first and it was right to stop the cousin
YANBU - the cousin was doing no harm and bb wasn’t playing with it

OP posts:
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madaffodil · 10/03/2025 13:50

Rofhdj · 09/03/2025 15:23

As was blatantly obvious, I was replying to this - ‘At any age, the same rules apply! Imagine you got perfume or wine or a book, and your cousin started opening your stuff!’

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You're missing the point. Why should someone else be allowed to play with the five-year-old's birthday present before the birthday child gets to play with it themselves? It belongs to them and they are not obliged to share it or let someone else play with it if they don't want to.

Kahless · 09/03/2025 15:29

Rofhdj · 08/03/2025 22:05

I’m not related to the cousin at all. Im BB’s aunt and the cousin is his cousin on the other side.

My nephew is a well behaved little boy and rarely any trouble. I’m often told that his cousin is naughty and is quite badly behaved. My nephew opened his gift today and his cousin started looking at it when nephew was doing something else. Nephew objected and their grandparent told his cousin to let nephew have it and it was his day etc. Cousin left the room upset and the grandparents said he had to learn.

I felt a bit sorry for the kid. He was just looking at and playing with the toy. I couldn’t see the harm. But clearly I’m wrong.

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Ten minutes or so later his cousin began opening it and said he wanted to play with it.

It was not his to play with though. Yes, it's not fair from the eyes of a year old, but that's how it is.

The birthday boy was also probably overwhelmed by all wcfuss of a party, presents etc.

Original poster
Rofhdj · 09/03/2025 15:23

madaffodil · 09/03/2025 12:21

Yes, but you're not 5 are you?

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As was blatantly obvious, I was replying to this - ‘At any age, the same rules apply! Imagine you got perfume or wine or a book, and your cousin started opening your stuff!’

OP posts:
NewName90210 · 09/03/2025 15:23

LastHeraldMage · 08/03/2025 21:45

The gift was for the birthday child. Why do you think it was ok for another child to take it?

This.

Original poster
Rofhdj · 09/03/2025 15:22

Swiftie1878 · 09/03/2025 10:02

??? Only one present?!

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This has already been explained.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rofhdj · 09/03/2025 15:21

CaptainFuture · 09/03/2025 09:19

If you're not a parent to either child, why are you so increasingly concerned how this dramatic, horrendous situation affects the 7yo? Why are you not bothered about the upset of the 5yo?

He wasn’t upset.

OP posts:
madaffodil · 09/03/2025 12:21

Rofhdj · 08/03/2025 21:53

If I got a new book or perfume I honestly wouldn’t care if a cousin read the blurb or had a smell.

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Yes, but you're not 5 are you?

thepariscrimefiles · 09/03/2025 11:53

Rofhdj · 08/03/2025 23:12

I think this is a bit dramatic. It’s a kid trying to play with a toy.

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But 7 year olds do understand birthdays and that the presents belong to the child having the birthday. He must have been to other birthday parties before this one.

If the birthday child had taken the present out of the box and played with it for a while and then left if, it would be more understandable that the cousin would try and play with it. However, he would know that he shouldn't be taking it out of the box before his cousin had a chance to do this.

NaomhPadraigin · 09/03/2025 11:43

hydriotaphia · 09/03/2025 09:56

Cousin shouldn't have been allowed to open the toy. If it was already open and cousin started playing with it I would be less fussed and encourage BB to share toys. Also it's pretty normal for kids to be jealous when it is one child's birthday, easiest way to manage it is to include a token gift for each sibling/cousin.

easiest way to manage it is to include a token gift for each sibling/cousin

Oh come on!! A 7 year old doesn't need a gift because his 5 year old cousin got something for his birthday - FFS no wonder the world is full of entitled adult brats who expect the world to revolve around them 🤬

Swiftie1878 · 09/03/2025 10:02

Rofhdj · 08/03/2025 23:00

There was only one present.

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??? Only one present?!

hydriotaphia · 09/03/2025 09:56

Cousin shouldn't have been allowed to open the toy. If it was already open and cousin started playing with it I would be less fussed and encourage BB to share toys. Also it's pretty normal for kids to be jealous when it is one child's birthday, easiest way to manage it is to include a token gift for each sibling/cousin.

Youagain2025 · 09/03/2025 09:53

The party's my kids have been to normally the gift are put to onesie and get opend after the party when everyone has gone.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 09/03/2025 09:43

CoralHare · 08/03/2025 21:55

Of course he shouldn’t take a brand new present to play with but also he is 7. So I’d I wouldn’t say he was unreasonable, just learning. Totally reasonable he was told no.

IMO 7 is old enough to know that this wasn’t on.

If he were 3 that’d be a different matter.

CaptainFuture · 09/03/2025 09:19

If you're not a parent to either child, why are you so increasingly concerned how this dramatic, horrendous situation affects the 7yo? Why are you not bothered about the upset of the 5yo?

Coconutter24 · 09/03/2025 09:04

Rofhdj · 08/03/2025 22:20

Okay? I’m not sure of your point.

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You said you didn’t say that which you hadn’t but as you later made that comment I quoted you were obviously thinking what the poster said.

Marchitectmummy · 09/03/2025 03:07

Why was the 7 year old so bored to need to play with his cousins unopened toy? There must have beeb other togs around/ games from the party to play? No way should the first child to play with a new toy be anyone but the bb.

Devianinc · 09/03/2025 01:18

Cause your child is just as special as hers.

Devianinc · 09/03/2025 01:17

it seems someone caught onto your thread. Work it out. She’s wrong, her child doesn’t get to take over your child’s birthday.

Devianinc · 09/03/2025 01:11

Rofhdj · 08/03/2025 23:02

That’s very much what they say about him and he left the party being dragged out after going into a huff about something else and trying to lock himself in a bedroom.

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It really seems like this this child isn’t coping with every day occurrences well but that’s not your problem

theJackofHearts · 09/03/2025 01:08

Birthday child needs to learn that his needs are important and if something is his, then It's his, and he gets to decide what to do with it. If he hasn't yet played with it, It's right that he doesn't want others to.

Cousin needs to learn that the world isn't all about him and 'I want' isn't a reason to 'I get'.

As they develop of course this changes slightly-I might get a new device for my birthday and let a friend who's more knowledgeable about said device have a look at it first-but that's MY decision.
5 year old gets also, to make that decision.

Original poster
Rofhdj · 09/03/2025 01:02

Edenmum2 · 09/03/2025 00:57

This

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I know this. I was responding to someone who asked if I’d like it if someone used a gift of perfume or a book.

OP posts:
Edenmum2 · 09/03/2025 00:57

Stripeyanddotty · 08/03/2025 21:59

If I got a new book or perfume I honestly wouldn’t care if a cousin read the blurb or had a smell.

You aren’t 5.

This

Original poster
Rofhdj · 09/03/2025 00:53

Gymnopedie · 09/03/2025 00:49

No, I'm not having that. You've said you're wrong once.*

The way you said 'clearly I'm wrong' was very much in the tone of sorry, not sorry. And since you said it you have continued to suggest that your sympathies are with the 7yo, including what you said that I quoted:

I think this is a bit dramatic. It’s a kid trying to play with a toy.

*now twice as you've said it again while I was writing.

Edited
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Apologies if that’s how you’ve read it, but there was no double meaning.

I do think suggesting that all respect and boundaries are non-existent because a seven year old tried to play with a toy is dramatic, yes.

OP posts:
Gymnopedie · 09/03/2025 00:49

Rofhdj · 08/03/2025 23:53

I’ve said several times that clearly I’m wrong. Which bit of that do you not get?

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No, I'm not having that. You've said you're wrong once.*

The way you said 'clearly I'm wrong' was very much in the tone of sorry, not sorry. And since you said it you have continued to suggest that your sympathies are with the 7yo, including what you said that I quoted:

I think this is a bit dramatic. It’s a kid trying to play with a toy.

*now twice as you've said it again while I was writing.

Original poster
Rofhdj · 09/03/2025 00:46

hoarahloux · 09/03/2025 00:46

this is absolutely batshit and i'm not engaging any further, good luck!

I’d put the wine down.

OP posts: