How to Persuade Parents to Put Heating on Due to DF's Pneumonia

what did the thermometers show when you used them @bigkahunaburger ?

Oh the circulation thing - my mum is the same and is on medication to improve blood flow as her feet over winter are like blocks of ice. Feet fine while with us over Christmas. Didn't see the connection between sleeping in a room which is never heated, ever, and one which has the heating on during the day. FFS.

My MIL is the same. She has terrible circulation problems in her feet but last time i took her home her thermostat read 9oc! She says it was because the heating had been off for 2 days whilst at our house. Utter rubbish - her heating must have been off for days. She can afford to heat the house, she doesn't have any cognitive issues and seems to treat it like some sort of competition. I have gone through everything about how it is affecting her immune system etc etc and she won't listen. In the end i told her if she went into hospital because of her freezing house me and DH would not be doing the 250m round trip to see her. She claims she now has it on 18oC but I don't believe her. If your parents have capacity then you can't make them do anything any more than they could come to your house and turn the thermostat down.

To add - I would also buy digital thermometers to put in their main living area so they can see with their own eyes how cold it is.

Not unless they don't have capacity. You need to convince them, not tell tales on them.

I would rather take advice from the medical profession

I mean yes it isn't caused by the cold

Pneumonia can be caused by bacteria or a virus

but in both cases cold air into the lungs gives both bacteria and virus a head start as it were and slows recovery

In much the same way people who are stressed or run down are also more prone to illnesses

Sounds like my mum. She grew up in a stone cottage with no insulation and no central heating so her "normal" is freezing. She does have insulation and central heating now, and a coal fire, but every time we go there I have to remind the kids to wear multiple layers as granny's house is very cold compared to ours. When she stays with us we do get loads of performative moaning about being "so hot", even overnight when the heating is not on. She is genuinely more comfortable at 15-17c and we're comfortable at 20c.

However, your DF is NOT WELL and she does need to accept her preference for a baltic house has to take a back seat - his need is greater than hers at the moment. The house needs to be heated to 19 or 20c as a very minimum - it is NOT normal to be sitting around under heated blankets or special electric blanket hoodies rather than just putting on the sodding heating. I would have the battle now, with your brothers for back up, and tell them that this is non-negotiable and that if it's a cost thing, that all siblings will chip in.

Don't do this incase of a fire. They need to be able to exit in case of an emergency.

I've done this, was similarly very nervous about the GP mentioning that I'd been in touch, but it was fine - and I'm glad I did it. I emailed their GP practice, and stated at the beginning and end of my email that it had to be kept completely confidential and why.

@businessflop25 Yes, if they have any other professional support, they could say something as well. My Dad had some support from Adult SS after my SM died and she was brilliant in getting him to make necessary changes…plus if if I was concerned about something, I’d email her and let her know before her next visit.

Sounds like they’re an age where they will listen to a medical professional rather than their children. I woulc ask nurse or GP to talk to them.

But 21 is very high, get Mum to agree to 18.

It sounds like it's getting fraught. You've tried, stay out of it now and let your brothers say their piece...

Get you blunt brother to phone the gp. He doesn't seem to have such a problem causing your mum distress when it's for a good reason

And get the GP to phone your mum, not your dad.

Do they have anyone professional going into the house at all?
Probably the best person to have a word would be someone who could 'discover how cold it is' themselves and comment on it with both your parents present.

That is very difficult, OP.

Maybe blunt is required...
She is putting him in danger.
She could be risking his life
How can she justify that?

Ask for the source of information that said cold and dry..

Good luck, it sounds an awful situation.

This needs to be sorted out because she's endangering him.

Heated throw, electric blanket, get someone out to check the boiler, organise Hive (or similar) and control the heating from your phone. Get the Dr involved.

If all else fails, then social services adult safeguarding.

Cold weather doesn’t cause pneumonia. Also, having the heating on can dry out the air which can dry out nasal passages, reducing the bodies ability to trap and rid itself of harmful microbes - it won’t necessarily help.

I would just leave him be if he’s happy

Can they afford to turn the heating on?

Assuming it's not a money issue... Can you phone their gp and ask them to have a word. But yes allow the intervention to happen and to hell with the row. Your dad's health (life?) is more important than your mum's tender feelings

That’s a good idea, @5foot5 , some times ppl will listen to outsiders ( esp. experts) far more than they will family members.

I understand your frustration, OP, my Dad is similarly stingy with heating and it drives me mad. He says that it’s expensive, etc. but I know full well that he can afford to heat his small flat.

Has the boiler been checked? If she gets headaches could it be carbon monoxide leaking when the heating is on? Headaches can be a sign of low level carbon monoxide poisoning.