To think some people found lockdown really hard and it wasn't their fault

I'm an extrovert. nearly every single day of my life i am socialising in some capacity. so to be told not to was horrific.

I was also working 60-70 hour week implementing and calculating furlough for the 1800 people we had to furlough. i still had to do my horses twice a day too but with all the competitions cancelled it felt like a lot of chores with no goal to aim for.

After the first few weeks, we did all start socialising again anyway, my nail technician came to the barn at the farm to do all our nails and earn some cash (as she didnt qualify for gov help she was on her arse) the same with a hairdresser friend. we met up for weekend drives out in our cars to visit different pub gardens that had set up outside food trucks and things. Without all that, many of my group would have suffered terribly with our mental health.

What rubbish! I have a very crazy life. 4 kids, 2 dogs, lots of friends. 2 jobs I love. Go out at least twice a week for dancing or parties. Love gigs, pub,, quizzes, playing sport, watching sport.
I was one of those that didn't mind the first lockdown. I've had quite a few bad times in my life and had have had to keep on going. I knew it wouldn't be forever so I could get through it.
DH works for emergency services so he was having a horrible time. But I went down to a three-day week. My youngest child was nine so it wasn't too bad. A couple of them have SEN so that added to a mix of craziness but I'm used to that.
I am very lucky that we have a garden and a big park near us. One of the teens was very violent within the first couple of weeks to his sibling so we got rid of screens for him and only had an hour day for everyone else and actually I think this was a blessing. We did lots of things together as a family which was nice. All the kids learnt to cook.
There were points where it was hideous. It really hit me as I have health conditions and took me weeks to recover. DH has a bit of PTSD from some of the things he had to do with people that were dying. I lost two family members (older members) to COVID.
But don't look back on it as a particularly bad time just something we needed to get through. I do wonder if because I've had several bad times I've had to build up quite a strong resilience but equally I'm lucky because I'm surrounded by people that love me and I them?

I volunteered at a vaccine center and heard from vulnerable people who were told never to leave their small flat even at 5am for a walk by their doctors. The isolation and loneliness is unimaginable. It was a totally different story for people living with others or in large houses with outdoor space. Heartbreaking

My small business has lost over half its client base in the last five years mostly due to covid and especially the random support exclusions for freelancers, self employed and small businesses. Whether driving instructors, market traders, small shops and cafes, small guest houses, etc. Couldn’t carry on due to being excluded so had to give up and get supermarket or delivery jobs, or take out loans which their business never recovered enough to be able to repay. The increase in empty shops, derelict guest houses, shortage of driving instructors, closed down cafes, etc is partly due to the damage to the small business economy due to the lockdowns, lack of support to the excluded, etc. A small business can’t survive on fresh air for months and just magically reopen and return to normality as if nothing happened - any new start up takes time and money to set up, and after months of lockdowns, that’s where small businesses were - back to start up- but without funding after their owners reserves and savings were used up just to survive.

You don't think it might be something to do with not having expected to have to look after them during a lockdown rather than looking after them per se, then?

I haven't got as many children as OP but I certainly didn't give any thought to what would happen if the country implemented an entirely new, experimental and untested pandemic management policy at some point during their childhoods. You don't get to pick ones without SEN either!

It completely destroyed us.

New job doubled projects overnight - realising people no longer needed to travel and worked from home. So I worked round the clock - with the constant threat that they would let people go if they couldn’t keep up.

husband went on furlough- had to look after 3 small kids. No online lessons for the kids from the school just lots of threats that they had to work. He had a mental breakdown, became an alcoholic and I’ve been paying for it ever since.

Lockdown was the start of the end of my normal happy life.

You are not being unreasonable. Peoples experiences were entirely different. I am lucky that no one I loved died. I think this would have just about finished me off to be honest.

I had to keep working, we offered childcare for keyworker children. There were some positives in it that I got full pay and still had other people to interact with but I had to trust my own children would get on with their school work.

The biggest impact on me, on a personal level, were masks. I found it hard to tolerate them and as a glasses wearer I felt I couldn’t see or breathe if I went out. I avoided goIng out until they stopped being mandatory as I found them so uncomfortable. Those, along with the need to prebook everything, meant I lost a lot of spontaneity which has stayed with me. I don’t go out as much as I used to.

I think because despite all the people who don't answer the door on here many of us believe that it takes a village to raise a child. I think even children with good parents need exposure to other people. I think looking after babies and toddlers is hard and most mums benefit from some adult conversation, someone making them a drink and some distraction for their children. Looking after small children in lockdown had none of that.

Good for you. I am pleased you had the capacity and resources for it to be a good experience.

Not everyone did, so a bit of empathy goes a long way.
It is not about ‘having so many children and then complaining about having to look after them’

Whilst it wasnt for me about this, (I have just one child who was a newborn so I was on maternity), I’ve read the stories and seen friends juggling multiple school age children trying to get them to do their school work and video calls across multiple devices whilst also juggling WFH themselves. Many families didn’t have enough devices to juggle school work and WFH.
For them I’m sure they’d resent the idea that they had ‘too many children to look after’ they may have had only 2 but both needing attention, having different needs, and juggling work as well.

I think this is more to do with your MIL being spectacularly self-absorbed than anything to do with people's experiences of lockdown.

This!!!!!!

Why are you giving this silly woman headspace?

As a family, DD and I coped fairly well and our mh’s didn’t take a hit. Financially we were better off because I wasn’t furloughed and could save money, I would have otherwise frittered away on useless shit. I recognise that my situation at the time of the lockdowns was fortunate and that in turn massively contributed to my lockdown experience. Had it happened two years earlier, urgh it would not have been so positive.

I remember being jealous of people on furlough as we juggled full time demanding jobs from home and kids school work. We knew a lot of people who were furloughed and really enjoyed themselves. It seemed very unfair how difficult things were for us.

After the 2021 January/February lockdown homeschooling became way more intense. We had a full day's curriculum with 3 video calls and work set for in between each call. Week after week.

We don't have any family left and so I remember being sad at people excited lockdown was over because they were looking forward to family meetups and bbqs.

My mental health collapsed once kids on the last week of homeschooling in early 2021. I was done. Broken. Took some private therapy to recover but definitely one of the lowest points of my life.

On a personal level, lockdown was quite nice day-to-day for me. But I was always aware that for others it was a hellish time, so I'm very glad it ended and would hate to see it ever return. The things I liked about it no way negate the horrors (people dying alone, the restrictions on funerals, people trapped in cramped or poor accommodation, children in isolation, the damage to mental health, economic damage, care home isolation but also exposed to COVID patients, etc etc).

Single parent here of SEN kids. We literally did not leave the house for 3 months at a time, even to go for a walk, as DS1 couldn’t cope.

Looking back lockdown wasn’t horrific for us - but during lockdown it really could have gone any way for any of us - so I am grateful to have survived it despite being a single mum living in a flat - we were lucky to have found ties with our community that offered support in all sorts of ways - from delivering free food to zoom calls with neighbours and ways to volunteer from home.

But I know people struggled and I can see so many parts of society has changed for the worse. In hindsight lockdown was horrible - depending on the way that your country dealt with it and what help and support you could access.

For those that struggled during lockdown - it’s not your fault at all. I didn’t struggle too much and could help out here and there - because people really needed it.

I hated it and I had it “easy”. Living in a very small one bedroom flat with both me and my partner trying to wfh and getting totally on top of each other. Not being able to sit down outside for months to get some space and fresh air without constantly walking, because benches were blocked off and you couldn’t even sit down on grass in a park. I felt stir crazy. Constant anxiety of what the next lot of rules and poor communication would be, anxiety that has stayed with me ever since and wrecked my mental health as I constantly feel like something bad is going to happen.

I was fine over the lockdowns, but I felt sorry for everyone with school age children, those who lived alone and those living in very small flats with no outdoor space. Some people are just contrarian like that, my mother is, and after a lifetime struggling with it I have decided ignoring it is the best policy.
Your MIL is obviously a person with little or no empathy for other people- avoid her wherever possible would be my advice.

I found the lockdowns horrendous- I was a single parents juggling a full time demanding wfh job with homeschooling a yr 1 child and supervising my yr 6 child with her homeschool work.

It was hell on earth.

I am very bitter about it and what a disproportionate burden was put on some people as opposed to others.

I will never be ready to hear people say they liked and enjoyed it and not feel angry when I hear that.

I think the govt had a duty to make sure the burden was not so disproportionate.

Edit - oh yes and k didn’t realise at the time that my then yr 1 child has ADHD. It was always going to be impossible to homeschool him and I should have had him in school as both vulnerable (in this respect) and a key worker child (I am public sector but wasn’t counted as key in the first lock down - but also couldn’t be furloughed)

I had a similar conversation with my parents about this earlier. They loved it, dad spent the whole time gardening, mum read countless books. They said they miss the peace. My lockdown was the opposite, trying to home school a five year old and a seven year old with ADHD nearly killed me and I've been a teacher. DH was working from home and in meetings the whole time, so I had to keep the children away from him and quiet, while trying to get them to do the work set by the school, of which there was a lot, far too much in my opinion. It was awful. They didn't understand why daddy couldn't play all day, nor could they understand why we couldn't just go to see their cousins, or grandparents. One day I took them to the park and all three of us were in tears when we discovered that the play area had been fenced off and sealed. The second lockdown was worse, I was recovering from surgery, with no support, DH still working hard from home to keep the roof over our heads and managing two children who were so confused about why they couldn't go to school again and even more reluctant to do school work, plus it was cold, dark and miserable outside.

I'm glad some people enjoyed themselves, but it feels very insensitive to dismiss those of us who were nearly destroyed mentally by it.

Thank you.

The one time that I saw someone in person from the undertaker's (apart from the day of the funeral) was when I was told that I had to sign the contract to say that I was paying for the funeral... For some reason, that couldn't be done over the phone or online. I had to sign a physical contract.

It's an interesting question.
I think she is wrong, of course, blind to other people's circumstances.

Personally, when it happened, I enjoyed it, mostly. I had been working remotely already for several years, due to childcare, so nothing changed in that respect.
I enjoy being with my child all the time. He was in elementary school, and we were all together, we had so much more time together.
The house is tiny but we have a garden, I enjoy gardening and the weather was good.

But these days I have come seeing things differently, a bit. I don't think missing social interaction was good for my child. He was already shy and it would have been a good time for him to make more friends. Without pickup time my interactions with other parents decreased and never recovered, which, along with having an online job and living in London with no relatives, meant my social relations got weaker. From being a very extrovert person, I became definitely more reserved and less able to strike a conversation.
My mother did not die of COVID, but ended up in hospital and, because of all restrictions, I did not make it there in time.
The funeral was also complicated to organise of course.

I took it positively, but I feel the lockdown affected negatively the mental health of many.

This

On the whole I loved the lockdowns, we live rurally and have horses, dogs and sheep that kept us busy. I spent my days with my husband and our 2 year old. I do wonder why people have so many children then complain about having to look after them!

In our household of four it was good for some and bad for others.

For my DS, who has SEN, it was life changing for the better. He was used to being ignored and seen as not that bright as he was pigeonholed by his large secondary. He was in year 7 and pretty miserable. Lockdown changed that for him. He wasn't too nervous to answer questions, he also spoke up and was seen as very bright and never missed a lesson. The amount of teachers who said they were surprised at how clever he was blew my mind, I knew he was clever they just ignored that because he was an SEN pupil.
His confidence has grown ever since, he smashed his GCSEs and is doing some hefty A'levels. He's got his own style and is well liked at his sixth form

DD meanwhile turned from if anything annoyingly over confident to a shell who barely leaves the house unless they're off to school or sixth form. They didn't do well at GCSE because their school failed their year group, they used to start GCSE studies in year 9, which coincided with the worst of lockdown and year groups put on quarantine. They missed a lot of school. Then in 2022, stress caused them 5 months pretty much out of school due to a painful illness. They've given up their performing, it's so sad. They have some lovely friends, but not who they started lockdown with, those lot dropped them over boyfriends, which didn't help their mental health. They moved school for sixth form and although the school is excellent, they're nowhere near how bubbly they were.

DH and I were self employed at the start of lockdown, and worked in industries that stopped abruptly. We had to fight to save our rented home. DH did odd jobs where he could find them. I did some consultancy work from home. We decided we had had enough of working for others but being considered self employed and decided to properly get into the industry we worked within. We had a bit of a false start and we work our arses off for pennies right now whilst we build our business up from pretty much scratch.

It was hard. The lack of interaction. Missing and being unable to support friends who lost people. Missing out on events we had planned and everything else that was supposed to be going on.

I still feel like we lived in a fever dream. The daily briefings where it was obvious that Boris and co had no idea what was going on or how to deal with it. It was weird, one minute we were all going about our business, hearing sometimes about a cold in other countries, Caroline Flack passing away, Stormzy fighting online with another rapper, then all of a sudden people were fighting over toilet roll, and then we were queuing outside supermarkets and happy for a walk round the block.

It depends. My husband almost died and still struggles health wise sadly due to the damage of covid. Thank God for the vaccine. I found lockdown a mixture..I had a young child and a very ill husband..I had friends I saw daily prior to lockdown who literally went into lockdown and I never seen again. I've friends who's children still not come out of their bedroom as they told their died by the gov at such a vulnerable age. My child is ok but had started school and it has effected her school wise. She getting there now but taken until now. The children aged 15-16 now seem to be the worst effected. However all children are effected as you can see it but in different ways depending where they were in the school or nursery...my cousin missed out going to uni for two years as being sensible she said what the point of going I stay at home... Life stopped and didn't recover as prior to covid..it was different

Remember that’s just your opinion, it’s not fact! Too many parents expect school to raise their kids these days and complain if they have to have them at home. OP needed to stop at 2 kids, especially when they have particular needs that require more attention!