To want to go to America next year. On my own.

Would your husband feel differently if you offer him the same opportunity? So he also can book a 5 day break away from you at some point?

I think taking a solo break is quite a healthy thing to do, perhaps even annually, considering the stresses of raising an ND child, so long as you’re both on the same page about it.

Personally it would only be a financial decision - we simply don't have the money for us to travel separately 'and' as a family so we've only done family trips since the kids were born. My husband travels a decent amount for work and I don't so I've not really been away from the kids at all. I don't recommend this at all though - definitely have some resentment about it and I'm not in a great place mentally. So if you can afford it and manage the logistics then you should definitely go and have an amazing time! I'd do a week though as it's such a long flight :)

I wouldn't take a ND child on holiday to USA unless they dont have a problem with travel and new places. It wont be a holiday for you, it would be harder than being at home. The best thing I learned was it is often better in a mixed NT/ND household to do things separately and it is important as a parent carer to take breaks when you can. And important for your own self confidence to keep doing things on your own, I see so many of my friends feel they can't or won't do stuff without their partner, I'd frankly find that suffocating. The USA is also super expensive for Brits right now. Spend the money buying in some help while you are away and / or offer your husband a similar solo break. You shouldnt feel guilty, being a parent carer is hard work and you deserve the break. I imagine if it was the other way round you would probably tell him to go on his own.

My best friend is American, we're both married with families, and we both regularly make the trip out to visit one another alone! We've also done full family trips, but not every time. My DH is more than happy for me to go. I'd be happy for him to do the same if he had reason or desire to.

And to be quite honest, even if he didn't like it I'd be going anyway! I've been making that journey for yonks. Not about to lose out on a friendship for anyone. If your family have been invited then I get the issue, but there's no reason you can't go alone either. You still need independence. It's a totally different experience.

Absolutely do this. Sounds like it would be stressful to take your daughter and not really the holiday she'd enjoy.

Go on your own, enjoy your trip and save for a holiday separately that suits all of you.

And start having days/nights/weekends away now, don't wait 2 years! They'll be fine and you need to have a life of your own.

Go. Travelling alone is very liberating. I miss it. You get to talk to so many more people than when you’re in a pair or group.
Also, depending on level of needs, 2x transatlantic crossing could be very difficult for a neurodivergent child, with long flights and time differences.

But if the dh wants to go too then it's the OP who's stopping him from being happy.

I think it would be mean to insist on going on your own if all are invited and he wants to go. If he's not bothered then that's a different thing.

I agree. I'd be gutted if DH told me I had to stay at home, especially if I needed to take any annual leave to do it.

Go! OK in the current climate it MAY seem unwise to SOME ppl, but who's to say it will ever get better? And travel(l)ing alone is FUN!
We're all aware of the extra care we need to take as women, but that's the same everywhere.

How many people you know will be there?

Bear in mind that when people invite you to a wedding, they are not going to have much time to spend with you, simply due to there being a lot of people there from different facets of their life, all of whom they need to interact with.

They might have invited you all because they know this and don't want to feel any obligation to keep you occupied when you turn up on your own.

Personally I won't be going to America any time soon on principle. Trying to also change my consumer habits so I don't buy anything American so ditching amazon etc

But I don't see a problem you going alone if that is what you want sounds fab

I agree with this.

I'm making an assumption here but this is a trip that could not be repeated for the family in terms of expenses, and you only having to fund the flight money.

I'd be put out at missing the opportunity if I was dh since the invite is extended to all of you as a family

Not unreasonable to do other solo trips tho, providing you both have the opportunity so I would take steps to start planning a different trip alone for myself

OP my DS is 3. I go abroad on my own or with my sister every year. My husband does the same. By himself or with his brother.

Go. As long as your DH can go on a 5 day trip himself at some point then there really shouldn’t be an issue. Of course you’d need to be able to afford that.

If your husband wanted to do this, would you be happy? If you would then its reasonable that he should be happy for you to go. 5 days is nothing is it?
Promise to get childcare sorted out so he isn't too put out! It may swing it for you!

Failing that, can you leave your child at home with granny?

A man wouldn’t be asking, as though it was a weird and anomalous thing to do.

This sounds like an amazing opportunity and I wouldn't dream of going without my family. Unless there is a backstory to this I think it's a bit mean that you would uninvite them. Nothing wrong with wanting some time/adventure alone but maybe arrange something another time.

I do wonder if this was a man stating the same whether the reactions of 'just do it and leave them behind' would be so prevalent especially if the wife and child had been invited to the fantastic opportunity abroad.

I mean… I can definitely see the appeal in going alone but I think I’d like it even more if I took DH & DS, and I’d be sad if my DH decided he didn’t want us all to go if we could afford to. I wouldn’t stop him from going, but the invite is to all of you…

I’d take the “adventure for everyone” and build in some time alone into the plans, if you need it.

I'm all for partners maintaining their own sense of self, friends, going away separately etc. I think this would be pretty mean though considering you're all invited and it sounds as though your DH would anticipate you all going. I can't imagine doing this to my husband nor him to me.

If he'd genuinely be delighted for you then that's different but it doesn't sound like that's the case.

Start now by having the odd night away by yourself. Have a mini city break or spa hotel, or even just a train ride to a new town for the night.

Gets both DH and DD used to it. They'll be fine!

I don’t understand why you don’t do this all the time. Why would your DH be ‘flabbergasted’? She’s your friend. Flights for three people, two of whom have no particular interest in attending this wedding, makes no sense to me.

I go away alone a lot, and have done since DS was a baby/toddler. He has another attuned, available parent, and when I got pregnant, I certainly didn’t sign up for never spending extended periods of time alone again!

I mean America is a bit dodgy at the moment (I say this as an American), but why would you not? I went to America on my own for 2 weeks and 3 weeks when my eldest was young. I went to Australia for 2 weeks. All when she was under school age. Those trips were work related, but I go away on my own most years. Went to Spain for 9 days last year. Dh is a perfectly competent parent and manages just fine without me, just like I manage just fine without him.

Of course you should go if you want to. I presume that you would be willing to support DH to do a solo trip of his own if he wanted one?

I mean, personally, I wouldn't want to step foot in the US at the moment, but fair enough if you want to go to your friend's wedding.

Mmm not sure. DD and DH have been invited for a lovely break that would be educational for DD and you want to spend the cost of theolir flights on yourself. Sounds mean.