Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to go to America next year. On my own.

79 replies

Thebrightnesshasfaded · 08/03/2025 11:47

A close friend moved to the US last year. She sent an invitation for her wedding in summer next year. They’ve invited all my family (me, dh & Dd, who will be 8 by then)
They are wealthy and are providing two nights stay at a 5 star hotel for two nights for visitors coming from outside America and a limo pick up and drop from the hotel to the venue. We basically just need to pay flights. This is still a lot for all of us. I keep having fantasies about me going on my own, getting a long connection between flights and staying in one of the city stops on the way….these seem to be either New York, Washington or California.
I imagine i’d be gone 4/5 days total.
At present I haven’t spent a full day alone or away.
I loved travelling when younger and am just longing for a solo adventure like this.
I imagine Dh would be flabbergasted by it

Aibu to go/want to go?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Ohhhthedrama · 08/03/2025 18:03

Ah, gotcha that makes more sense. All great places to visit. I'd go for California. It's only a couple hrs flight to Arizona. NY, you're looking at a 6ish hr flight. I think you should go without any guilt & have a fab time.

BruFord · 08/03/2025 17:41

@Zippidydoodah I did use the word “delighted” once too often, didn’t I. 🤣

DH and I have trips away without each other fairly regularly so I suppose I’m used to this type of situation.

How would you feel about it?

Zippidydoodah · 08/03/2025 17:23

BruFord · 08/03/2025 16:10

@Zippidydoodah Yes, it should be a joint decision. I imagine that he’d be delighted for her to have a solo trip and spend quality time with her old friends at the wedding. I’m delighted that DB is catching up with his university friends this weekend, plus it makes sense as he’s be in the area next week for the conference.

Show quote history

I’m delighted that you’re delighted. Can’t you see that not everyone would be?

NerrSnerr · 08/03/2025 17:22

@Thebrightnesshasfaded he can book annual leave for the days he'll have to juggle school etc.

100% do it and get a bit of yourself back

Original poster
Thebrightnesshasfaded · 08/03/2025 17:21

Ohhhthedrama · 08/03/2025 15:22

You should go for it. I love solo travels. I have to ask, though, where the heck are you going that includes stopping in NY & CA on the way?. They are at completely opposite ends of the country.

It doesn’t stop in both, gives different stopover options, some say NY, some Washington etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Thebrightnesshasfaded · 08/03/2025 17:21

Ohhhthedrama · 08/03/2025 15:22

You should go for it. I love solo travels. I have to ask, though, where the heck are you going that includes stopping in NY & CA on the way?. They are at completely opposite ends of the country.

It doesn’t stop in both, gives different stopover options, some say NY, some Washington etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Thebrightnesshasfaded · 08/03/2025 17:20

Ohhhthedrama · 08/03/2025 15:22

You should go for it. I love solo travels. I have to ask, though, where the heck are you going that includes stopping in NY & CA on the way?. They are at completely opposite ends of the country.

A quick look on the flight planner shows them

She lives in Arizona 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
AlphaApple · 08/03/2025 17:16

Go for it! Your H has plenty of time to plan and sounds like you deserve it ❤️

BruFord · 08/03/2025 16:10

Zippidydoodah · 08/03/2025 15:56

Well, presumably people in loving relationships make this kind of decision together. If husband was really looking forward to going, he might be upset not to.

@Zippidydoodah Yes, it should be a joint decision. I imagine that he’d be delighted for her to have a solo trip and spend quality time with her old friends at the wedding. I’m delighted that DB is catching up with his university friends this weekend, plus it makes sense as he’s be in the area next week for the conference.

Zippidydoodah · 08/03/2025 15:56

Well, presumably people in loving relationships make this kind of decision together. If husband was really looking forward to going, he might be upset not to.

Ohhhthedrama · 08/03/2025 15:22

You should go for it. I love solo travels. I have to ask, though, where the heck are you going that includes stopping in NY & CA on the way?. They are at completely opposite ends of the country.

HorrorFan81 · 08/03/2025 15:18

I would absolutely do this and my DH would probably encourage me to go on my own. It would be good for you to get the proper break and sounds like it would be good for him to learn how to parent solo

user2848502016 · 08/03/2025 15:14

You should definitely do it - use the money saved and not having to travel long haul to sell it to your DH - he has plenty of time for booking time off work.
San Francisco is a lovely city to visit if that's an option for your stopover

BruFord · 08/03/2025 14:50

Go, you’ll have a great time and recharge your batteries. My DH is currently away- he’s visiting a couple of university friends for the weekend before attending.a conference next week in that area. DS and I are enjoying spending time at home together.

It’s healthy for everyone and as your DD doesn’t enjoy traveling, this long haul trip isn’t really the right one for her. Plus you deserve to catch up with your old friends once in a while, you’ll have an amazing time.

Penguinmouse · 08/03/2025 14:49

As long as you’d reciprocate for your husband then go for it!

crumblingschools · 08/03/2025 14:47

Can he have some time by himself another time?

Onlyonekenobe · 08/03/2025 14:42

How about you do this trip, and your DH does a different solo trip he likes the sound of? What you don't want is for him to hold this over your head for the rest of your days.

battairzeedurgzome · 08/03/2025 14:40

Zippidydoodah · 08/03/2025 11:49

Would your husband be upset if you did this? If he’d be happy with it, then you should do it!

Screw that. Do it anyway. If your husband isn't happy for you, you have the wrong husband.

28Fluctuations · 08/03/2025 14:27

You should go.

If dh really wants to go, amd you are essentially saying, no I want to go alone - I can see how that will cause problems.

But if he doesn't want to go, or isn't fussed, and it's just about 3 or 4 days of childcare... go. Have fun. Have an adventure.

sevenIsNewEight · 08/03/2025 14:15

How high support needs does your DD have? Is she at school or homeschooled? Does she tolerate standard time spending activities like swimming or cinema? Would she tolerate external babysitter?

You said it would be too much for you parents to care for her if you both went there. Is it reasonably feasible for your DH to do it alone, or would it need some cooperation between him and grandparents?

You don't have to answer those questions for us, but the answers are crucial to understand how big an ask is leaving them at home, and how much planning and support does it require.

OverthinkingOlive · 08/03/2025 13:58

Go! America is awesome I love going there alone 🇺🇸

Vestigially · 08/03/2025 13:50

Thebrightnesshasfaded · 08/03/2025 12:54

Dd is 6 at the moment, will be 8 at the time of the wedding. Dh takes her out for quite a few hours/half days sometimes, but I haven’t had a full day/night/weekend to myself.

I can’t go just Dh and I as my parents would struggle to have her for that long

The reason i’m thinking to go on my own is firstly, the cost, just flights for me and a bit of spending money is much much less than for three of us. With the total cost, i’d rather take Dd somewhere she would love.
Secondly, Dd isn’t keen on travel, this is quite a lot in terms of a hassle travel wise, plus Dh isn’t that fussed about travelling in this sense and I think he’d probably see it as being more stressful than worthwhile.

But to me, it sounds like an adventure, i’d love to see my friend and selfish as it may sound, i’d love to just be it me, if only for a short while.

So go. It works for everyone.

Question285 · 08/03/2025 13:40

@Lanzarotelady
Perhaps he’d be flabbergasted because the invitation was for all of them? I think that the replies would be very different if it was the husband’s friend and he wanted to go on his own.

OP did your husband say he wants to go? There’s nothing inherently wrong with you going on a solo trip, but perhaps not this one since you were all invited and it seems like a great experience at a relatively low cost to you as a family. If he’s not keen, then by all means go on your own and agree that he will get another equivalent solo trip later in the year. But if he wants to go too, I don’t think there’s any reasonable way to refuse since you’ve all been invited.

brunettemic · 08/03/2025 13:17

Why not? I’ve been to NYC to see a friend by myself, it was great. DH and the kids had a great few days at home whilst I went…everybody was a winner. I was obviously the bigger winner but still…!

zoemum2006 · 08/03/2025 13:17

If I couldn't afford a 10 day family holiday to the US around the time of the wedding I'd 100% go by myself.

I've had a couple of long weekends to NYC with my friends. DH managed to keep them alive while I was gone.