Dh’s card said I ‘Kept a perfect home’

As is often the case with husbands, MILs on MN! Hopefully next year he won't repeat his error, by giving you nothing!

I think, in his own clumsy way he's trying to compliment you & show his appreciation for how much you CONTRIBUTE to creating a nice, calm & relaxing home for all of the family. I wouldn't take it as a throw back to being a 1950's housewife.

Yep

This is my take, too. But if this thread proves anything it’s that, for men, the bar really is a trip hazard in hell.

I wouldn't like to be thanked for doing something which I think is a shared responsibility. Rightly or wrongly, I'd read into his comment "Thank you for doing a good job of your responsibilities as a woman and serving our family as you should".

I'd prefer this:

"Thank you for carrying me. Sorry I've been shit. Going to try harder in future, starting with cleaning the kitchen and bathrooms while you take yourself out for a nice walk".

That would feel more sincere to me.

To me it would mean he's grateful for the work you put in. I think you are taking it wrong (I've done it myself in the past).

You're being a bit much, you know what I got for international womens day? A "thanks" for washing my husbands car 😂

That’s the crux of it though. Only trad wives who feel happy and fulfilled doing all the cleaning, cooking and childcare would like this comment in the card. A lot of women wouldn’t. Like the OP I guess. Shame her husband doesn’t know this about her.

Hahaha that’s a bit of a reverse compliment, isn’t it!?

I think I’d be inclined to take it as a ‘thank you for being so incredible that you do it all’ rather than a ‘your sandwiches are great’.

So exhausting.

Just seperate the two issues. He tried to do something nice. Appreciate his (clumsy) effort.

Discuss your separate issues/concerns about the division of labour on a different day.

It's pretty condescending, especially today!

I’d take it as a compliment.

These types go looking for offence in everything. The terminally offended.

I would cringe. We both work and do housework.

This sounds like he is confirming that looking after the house is your job and he is giving you a token pat on the head to ensure it stays this way. No thanks.

People actually get cards for being a woman?? It's mother's day soon, isn't that enough? 😅
You sound like really hard work and seem to be looking to be offended to be honest...

That doesn't mean she didn't contribute to what was in it

Maybe he asked her "what do we want to thank Mummy for?"

And she said "she makes the house pretty" or something so he wrote it down in his words

OP, you don't need our input here. There are problems in your relationship, this message has pissed you off, this goes deeper than all that 'terminally offended' stuff. None of us here have a clue what your daily reality is like with this man, but if you need to hear that he is misogynistic arse and you are worth more than the state of your house, then I hope that helps. Good luck.

My DP recently complimented me in a similar way and also mentioned it to his mum-I was well chuffed! He does work ridiculously long hours with lots of travelling so I pick up the housework, cooking, shopping, life admin, children stuff…however, I’m happy to do it as I love creating a warm, happy household for us to enjoy. It suits us and means that everyone can be the best version of themselves. Yes, it is a little ‘trad wife’, however it’s my choice and makes me very happy and fulfilled.
OP, I would take it as a compliment, they obviously appreciate you and everything you do. The only important thing is you’re happy with the way your household works and it works for all of you.

Sounds like you're already pissed off with him and these underlying issues are causing you to see the worst in everything he does. It might be worth trying to sort that out

My dh would not even know it is a special woman's day today. Heck, I did not know until my friend told me. Be glad you got a card or anything positive. It sounds like you are looking for things to find fault or nitpick. You keep a perfect home can mean many things....happy home life, family life etc.

It’d give me the ick, to be honest. And if it’s a joke it’s a shit one.

But being appreciated is irrelevant for op. She wants him to pull his weight not be appreciative that she does the majority of the work in the house. It’s a way to avoid him having to step up.

If the card had said, ‘I appreciate what you’ve done and moving forward I am going to step up’ that would be different. But it didn’t

He didn't mean anything bad @Upanddancingatsixinthemorning and I think it's a nice thing to do, but it does feel rather like when my DH comes home from work when I've done the housework, and he says 'you're a good girl aren't you? The house looks lovely.' It sounds patronising and infantilising. I try to take it in the nature it's intended though, and just smile sweetly (like a good 1950s housewife.) 🙄 😆

Oh for goodness sake. He tried to do something nice for you and give you a compliment and you have to dissect it all and try to find fault.

What's your relationship like?
Do you think his intention was loving and appreciative or snide?

Sometimes you've got to look beyond someone's choice of words and see what they meant.

It could be he sees you as a domestic appliance or he could have meant you are the heart of the family.

You know him. I think you already know which one he meant.