Dh’s card said I ‘Kept a perfect home’

Does this mean you would find it insulting if your husband complimented you on your abilities as a mother along with your input to housework over & above a job. Obviously in many posters eyes that's just another thing to add to the never ending list of offending uterrances.

People can't open their mouths without someone taking offence. It's becoming ridiculous. Men & women will never be exactly the same simply because there will always be huge differences between the sexes. In the majority of cases this includes physical strength.Trying to make men more like women & women more like men is not attractive.

Oh for god sake.

Men can't win can they.

MN is full of them. I presume they are surrounded by women exactly like them and the cycle continues.

If DH had written this card to me I'd be happy as I like to think I keep a pretty perfect home. We do have a cleaner but I still work hard to ensure it's warm, comfortable and everyone is happy. It's more than just cooking and cleaning.

I'd assume dh was being very sarcastic. Housekeeping is not on my skill list. I get it sounds very old fashioned and odd.

I'd ask him to expand on it.

I'm wondering does he mean your taste and style of decorating the home? Or the "feeling" of home you create? Or does he just mean all the "wife work" 🙄 you do to keep the house in order?

Spot on. If you were happily married this wouldn’t be a thing.

Well just ask him if you're that bothered.

I would recommend you try not to find issue when he tried to do something else but like I say if you really are bothered then tell him.

I would compliment my partner for the jobs he does round the home I don't think it's an issue. I think it's lovely that he keeps the home nice and he cares.

Shouldn't that be a feather duster

This .My husband would say the same about me. It doesn't mean that he doesn't appreciate that I also have a big brain

It isn't demeaning to point out that not all women want to be complimented on how good they are at housework. Especially on International Women's Day.

Women are more than child carers and homemakers.

Why are they heroes? What exactly is heroic about what they do?

I mean, we all raise our children and take care of our homes etc. Does that mean that we are all heroic? Or do you have to be focused on those things for a specific number of hours each day in order to qualify?

I don't want to demean anyone or belittle the contribution that SAHPs make to their own households, but personally I find it a bit bizarre to describe them as heroic - unless they have dedicated their lives to caring for a child with complex disabilities etc.

My preference would be that my partner would remember me as kind, fun, honest & remember our adventures- not that I could do the washing & ironing quickly!

I honestly wish posters would stop demeaning the role of full-time childcarers & homemakers. If they carry out the role with diligence & put their hearts & souls into the role, they are the amongst the true hero's of society.

You are overthinking imo. You said he wrote a few things like thanking you for everything you do for him and DD, so that isn't the only thing he acknowledged then. Obviously other marital issues are at play here so you're taking this personally when he probably meant it as a compliment. There's so many posts on here of women feeling under appreciated, then there's this!

All these posters going on about how easily offended OP is - do you genuinely think that celebrating women’s servitude and domesticity is an appropriate way to mark INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY?! I’m astounded.

If I got a card from DH on any other day of the year saying thanks for everything I do for our family that’d be lovely. If he did it and congratulated me on keeping a perfect home on IWD I’d think he was on a wind up.

In a healthy, equal relationship, surely the appropriate wording in such a card would be "thank you for helping me to keep a perfect home" or similar.

The way it is worded makes it sound like "keeping the home" is entirely the OP's responsibility.

I don't get how some people seem to think this is a compliment!

This. Thank you for explaining. I don't have the energy any more.
Astonished how low so many women set the bar for a compliment.

I'd find it quite patronising and insulting to be honest. He didn't mean it like that but it was a stupid thing to say. I would also be inclined to use it as a basis for discussing how he can help more going forwards.

To me, it sounds like he feels that’s your role as a woman. Ensuring his home is run the way he likes it. Nothing about being his partner in life, someone he admires, someone who sets a fantastic example for your daughter. No, it’s all about how good you are at domestic stuff.

It’s International Men’s Day in November I believe. If you want to see how he reacts to a similar compliment you could buy him a spanner and tell him you admire his wages. Although I suspect I can guess what his reaction would be.

To be honest, I think this card is just another example of him doing nothing in the house. It’s symptomatic of the bigger issue. The question is, are you going to do anything about it? And I’m not necessarily talking about separation. You could start by sitting him down and telling him that his card has made you realise that you are his wife, not his housekeeper, and that while you understand that more of the work/childcare will fall to you because of the difference in your working hours, you expect to have the same amount of leisure time as he has, and that things have to change before you lose all respect for him and attraction to him.