Dh’s card said I ‘Kept a perfect home’

I think we will have to agree to disagree on this whole issue 😂

That makes no sense to me. In your last sentence, you seem to be saying that you admire women who don't earn enough to make working part time financially worthwhile? Is that what you mean?

I have no issue at all with women (or men) choosing to be SAHPs if they want to, and if their partners are happy to support this, but I don't see it as something admirable in any way. It's just a particular lifestyle choice which happens to suit their personal preferences. I don't agree with your premise that SAHPs place more importance on their children.

I think he just meant to let you know he appreciates everything you do to look after the home and the family. So many times on here i have seen complaints about feeling unseen and unappreciated for what they do.

She’s 6, he wrote it, she signed her name

Well for a start if the family can afford it & of course many can't the fact there are women who place more importance on their children & home often giving up careers until the children are at least of school age. I agree heroic was the wrong word & it is over used so apologies for that. Nevertheless I do think it's admirable for those who can afford it. This is especially true if the part time hours they could manage while still breast feeding for example runs away with the majority of their money on childcare.

I wouldn't have any issue if DH complimented me on my parenting skills. I might equally compliment him on his parenting skills. We are both equal parents and the quality of our parenting is important to both of us.

Complimenting anyone on their housekeeping skills is just a bit weird in my view. It is just part of what any capable adult should get on and do, but it isn't really worthy of comment.

My main objection, though, to the comment from the OP's DH in his card, is the implication that "keeping house" is somehow the OP's responsibility. Why should it be?

I'm afraid I'm not really sure what you're on about with regard to the differences between the sexes. Yes, there are some physical and biological differences which we all know about, but I don't really know what they have to do with housekeeping skills. Please do explain.

Also, you haven't answered my question about what makes full time childcarers and homemakers heroic. I'm still not getting it.

Well it would never happen, because the vast majority of men do fuck-all around the house. And stay at home dads are as rare as hens teeth.

Does this mean you would find it insulting if your husband complimented you on your abilities as a mother along with your input to housework over & above a job. Obviously in many posters eyes that's just another thing to add to the never ending list of offending uterrances.

People can't open their mouths without someone taking offence. It's becoming ridiculous. Men & women will never be exactly the same simply because there will always be huge differences between the sexes. In the majority of cases this includes physical strength.Trying to make men more like women & women more like men is not attractive.

I did LOL at that I must admit. 'Homemakers are society's heroes.' 😂

Agree with all this. There is really nothing heroic about the average person keeping their house tidy and being on top of laundry and cooking. If there are physical or mental health problems, that’s another story.

Yep. I wonder how many women would think to thank their male partners for "keeping a perfect home".

Why are they heroes? What exactly is heroic about what they do?

I mean, we all raise our children and take care of our homes etc. Does that mean that we are all heroic? Or do you have to be focused on those things for a specific number of hours each day in order to qualify?

I don't want to demean anyone or belittle the contribution that SAHPs make to their own households, but personally I find it a bit bizarre to describe them as heroic - unless they have dedicated their lives to caring for a child with complex disabilities etc.

If DH had written this card to me I'd be happy as I like to think I keep a pretty perfect home. We do have a cleaner but I still work hard to ensure it's warm, comfortable and everyone is happy. It's more than just cooking and cleaning.

A full time teacher works fewer days than a person working full time elsewhere. You work as a part time teacher - so I assume he is the main breadwinner?

You work bare minimum, yet you feel offended if he complements your ability to manage hime well. (He did, inspite of hiring a cleaner!)

Why don’t you contribute equally financially first and then talk about misogyny or 1950s or whatever??

Aibu to be confused/pissed off by this?

Surprisingly, Dh & Dd made me a card and bought me flowers for International women’s day (we are in another country, generally this happens here) but I’d completely forgotten and wasn’t expecting anything.

In the card, Dh had written thank you for all I do for him and Dd etc and then something about me ‘Keeping a perfect home’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

I work part time as a teacher, do the majority of everything with Dd, plus bills etc, I have a cleaner every fortnight

I just can’t work out this comment, it sounds like something from the 1950’s and isn’t the thing I want to be recognised/appreciated for

Big issues between Dh and I for a while, so maybe i’m pissed off that he can just give something on this day and do mainly sweet FA the rest of the time

Why are they heroes? What exactly is heroic about what they do?

I mean, we all raise our children and take care of our homes etc. Does that mean that we are all heroic? Or do you have to be focused on those things for a specific number of hours each day in order to qualify?

I don't want to demean anyone or belittle the contribution that SAHPs make to their own households, but personally I find it a bit bizarre to describe them as heroic - unless they have dedicated their lives to caring for a child with complex disabilities etc.