Page 4 | Dh’s card said I ‘Kept a perfect home’

Upanddancingatsixinthemorning · 2025-03-08T10:09:40+00:00

Aibu to be confused/pissed off by this? Surprisingly, Dh & Dd made me a card and bought me flowers for International women’s day (we are in another country, generally this happens here) but I’d completely forgotten and wasn’t expecting anything. In the card, Dh had written thank you for all I do for him and Dd etc and then something about me ‘Keeping a perfect home’ 🤷🏻♀️ I work part time as a teacher, do the majority of everything with Dd, plus bills etc, I have a cleaner every fortnight I just can’t work out this comment, it sounds like something from the 1950’s and isn’t the thing I want to be recognised/appreciated for Big issues between Dh and I for a while, so maybe i’m pissed off that he can just give something on this day and do mainly sweet FA the rest of the time

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 08/03/2025 18:50

PaintCatsPaint · 08/03/2025 18:46

The number of people who seem to think OP should be bowled over by this bloody card even though she’s said he does ‘sweet FA’ to help the rest of the time is really disheartening. She needs him to do his fair share, not a card.

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Some people clearly have low expectations.

SouthLondonMum22 · 08/03/2025 18:48

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 08/03/2025 18:44

She probably just thinks the one that are capable of cleaning for themselves aren't manly enough.

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Wouldn't surprise me. It's ridiculous.

There's nothing feminine about cleaning, especially cleaning your own damn house.

PaintCatsPaint · 08/03/2025 18:46

CrispieCake · 08/03/2025 18:41

Much easier just to write a card though.

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The number of people who seem to think OP should be bowled over by this bloody card even though she’s said he does ‘sweet FA’ to help the rest of the time is really disheartening. She needs him to do his fair share, not a card.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 08/03/2025 18:44

SouthLondonMum22 · 08/03/2025 18:21

Then how do you explain the men who are capable of deep cleaning without a woman cleaning up behind them?

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She probably just thinks the one that are capable of cleaning for themselves aren't manly enough.

CrispieCake · 08/03/2025 18:41

blueshoes · 08/03/2025 18:39

'Poor sod' can actually do some housework. That would be a nice thing.

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Much easier just to write a card though.

blueshoes · 08/03/2025 18:39

brettsalanger · 08/03/2025 18:37

I agree. Poor sod was trying to do a nice thing.

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'Poor sod' can actually do some housework. That would be a nice thing.

brettsalanger · 08/03/2025 18:37

JMSA · 08/03/2025 10:41

He can't do right for doing wrong.

I agree. Poor sod was trying to do a nice thing.

blueshoes · 08/03/2025 18:37

PaintCatsPaint · 08/03/2025 17:49

I mean, you could argue that they can ‘win’ by just pulling their finger out occasionally rather than offering half-baked platitudes

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Spot on.

@motheroflittledragon misses the point and internalises that her job is to 'make home', as does @Nonrienderien . May it bring them much contentment.

everychildmatters · 08/03/2025 18:36

Was he being ironic?!!! Hope so 😆

SouthLondonMum22 · 08/03/2025 18:21

Nonrienderien · 08/03/2025 18:17

I don't often say this but absolute tosh 😂

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Then how do you explain the men who are capable of deep cleaning without a woman cleaning up behind them?

Nonrienderien · 08/03/2025 18:17

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 08/03/2025 18:15

Erm, no. It isn't because you're a woman. It's probably because he is quite lazy misogynist git who knows he doesn't need to make an effort because you're quite happy to enable him.

Each to their own, but that wouldn't be a relationship that was of any interest to me, regardless of what he looks like or how much he earns. I would rather earn my own money tbh and have an equal partner.

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I don't often say this but absolute tosh 😂

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 08/03/2025 18:15

Nonrienderien · 08/03/2025 17:42

I'm referring to women who think everything regarding men & women should be equal. It's a pipedream. The fact is both sexes have their strengths & weaknesses. My DH is wonderful when it comes to housework. I do most of it because I'm simply better at it. I often go over his attempt to deep clean the kitchen. Is that because I'm a woman?🤔possibly😂

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Erm, no. It isn't because you're a woman. It's probably because he is quite lazy misogynist git who knows he doesn't need to make an effort because you're quite happy to enable him.

Each to their own, but that wouldn't be a relationship that was of any interest to me, regardless of what he looks like or how much he earns. I would rather earn my own money tbh and have an equal partner.

SouthLondonMum22 · 08/03/2025 18:12

Nonrienderien · 08/03/2025 18:09

I am 😂

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It sounds like you're better at it because you care more than he does. Also, if you're a perfectionist, you probably want to be in control of the cleaning anyway.

That doesn't mean men aren't as good at cleaning. Of course they can be, especially if no one fusses over it and can just get it done.

Nonrienderien · 08/03/2025 18:09

SouthLondonMum22 · 08/03/2025 18:07

Didn't you just say it was a pipedream for men to be just as good at housework and that you go over his attempts simply because you're a woman so better at at it?

No one needs to fuss over cleaning really. It isn't hard.

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I am 😂

SouthLondonMum22 · 08/03/2025 18:07

Nonrienderien · 08/03/2025 18:04

It's not a shit job in the majority of women's eyes. It's more to do with me being a perfectionist. 😂
Anyway what would give me the ick is a man who fusses over cleaning. I'd prefer he stuck to earning the majority of the money & he does.😂

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Didn't you just say it was a pipedream for men to be just as good at housework and that you go over his attempts simply because you're a woman so better at at it?

No one needs to fuss over cleaning really. It isn't hard.

Nonrienderien · 08/03/2025 18:04

SouthLondonMum22 · 08/03/2025 17:55

I wouldn't care about his looks if it meant I had to clean up after him or even worse, follow him around after he has cleaned because he's done a shit job of it.

Ick.

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It's not a shit job in the majority of women's eyes. It's more to do with me being a perfectionist. 😂
Anyway what would give me the ick is a man who fusses over cleaning. I'd prefer he stuck to earning the majority of the money & he does.😂

SouthLondonMum22 · 08/03/2025 17:55

Nonrienderien · 08/03/2025 17:48

You would if you saw him 😂 It's usually with wfh he's desperate to get back to earning money.
Seriously if that's my only occasional grievance I'm a very fortunate woman.

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I wouldn't care about his looks if it meant I had to clean up after him or even worse, follow him around after he has cleaned because he's done a shit job of it.

Ick.

richardosmanstrousers · 08/03/2025 17:50

I would be more bothered by the fact you are doing the majority than the fact he acknowledged it.

PaintCatsPaint · 08/03/2025 17:49

motheroflittledragon · 08/03/2025 17:41

If a guy says nothing he is a ungrateful twat who shows no appreciation. If he makes a card to thank her he is a manipulative that. Seems like either way men can't win.

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I mean, you could argue that they can ‘win’ by just pulling their finger out occasionally rather than offering half-baked platitudes

Nonrienderien · 08/03/2025 17:48

SouthLondonMum22 · 08/03/2025 17:46

It isn't a pipedream in my house.

DH is just as capable of housework as I am but then I wouldn't find it funny if I had to go over an adults attempt at deep cleaning, I likely wouldn't have married him in the first place.

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You would if you saw him 😂 It's usually with wfh he's desperate to get back to earning money.
Seriously if that's my only occasional grievance I'm a very fortunate woman.

SouthLondonMum22 · 08/03/2025 17:46

Nonrienderien · 08/03/2025 17:42

I'm referring to women who think everything regarding men & women should be equal. It's a pipedream. The fact is both sexes have their strengths & weaknesses. My DH is wonderful when it comes to housework. I do most of it because I'm simply better at it. I often go over his attempt to deep clean the kitchen. Is that because I'm a woman?🤔possibly😂

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It isn't a pipedream in my house.

DH is just as capable of housework as I am but then I wouldn't find it funny if I had to go over an adults attempt at deep cleaning, I likely wouldn't have married him in the first place.

Nonrienderien · 08/03/2025 17:42

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 08/03/2025 17:33

Sorry, what does this have to do with housekeeping?

Are you one of those women that thinks that having a penis renders you incapable of basic household tasks?

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I'm referring to women who think everything regarding men & women should be equal. It's a pipedream. The fact is both sexes have their strengths & weaknesses. My DH is wonderful when it comes to housework. I do most of it because I'm simply better at it. I often go over his attempt to deep clean the kitchen. Is that because I'm a woman?🤔possibly😂

motheroflittledragon · 08/03/2025 17:41

blueshoes · 08/03/2025 17:19

It is a manipulative compliment. One which implies that 'keeping a home' is OP's responsibility and the word 'perfect' is to incentivise her to continue seeking his approval for a job well done.

Those words have implicitly reduced her to a domestic appliance and service and a good one at that so keep up the good work.

Twat.

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If a guy says nothing he is a ungrateful twat who shows no appreciation. If he makes a card to thank her he is a manipulative that. Seems like either way men can't win.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 08/03/2025 17:33

Nonrienderien · 08/03/2025 17:32

I wouldn't be surprised if there were women who think female rugby players should take part in the men's rugby team.😂

Sorry, what does this have to do with housekeeping?

Are you one of those women that thinks that having a penis renders you incapable of basic household tasks?

Nonrienderien · 08/03/2025 17:32

I wouldn't be surprised if there were women who think female rugby players should take part in the men's rugby team.😂