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Original poster

Dh’s card said I ‘Kept a perfect home’

289 replies

Upanddancingatsixinthemorning · 08/03/2025 10:09

Aibu to be confused/pissed off by this?

Surprisingly, Dh & Dd made me a card and bought me flowers for International women’s day (we are in another country, generally this happens here) but I’d completely forgotten and wasn’t expecting anything.

In the card, Dh had written thank you for all I do for him and Dd etc and then something about me ‘Keeping a perfect home’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

I work part time as a teacher, do the majority of everything with Dd, plus bills etc, I have a cleaner every fortnight

I just can’t work out this comment, it sounds like something from the 1950’s and isn’t the thing I want to be recognised/appreciated for

Big issues between Dh and I for a while, so maybe i’m pissed off that he can just give something on this day and do mainly sweet FA the rest of the time

OP posts:
coodawoodashooda · 08/03/2025 11:08

Vestigially · 08/03/2025 10:26

Personally, I would see a card referencing my housekeeping on International Women’s Day as a sign DH had lost his mind or was making a really, really poor joke.

My xh used to be mean with shit like this.

Cattery · 08/03/2025 11:07

rwalker · 08/03/2025 10:22

There’s post after post about people feeling undervalued and there contribution to running the home isn’t recognised

To me it read it as thanking you for your contribution to running the home

Yeh. Why be one of the constantly offended? There aren’t always hidden insults to unpack

Marmiteontoastgirlie · 08/03/2025 11:06

This just seems like a nice complement to me, but maybe you’re reading an underlying expectation that it’s your responsibility to manage the household, which is annoying to you if this is a point of contention between you? If you’re having trouble at the moment I wouldn’t make the card a point of the argument but try to step back and look at the bigger picture - maybe a calm sit down about how tasks are divided and the mental load etc?

trivi · 08/03/2025 11:06

Jeez… people are offended by everything these days!!!

AnotherHappyCamper · 08/03/2025 11:04

It's a compliment in my book - regardless of whether it's given from/to a male or female - and it's nice that he has shown appreciation for it, is 100% how I'd take it in the context of a loving, healthy and considerate partnership.

But if there are serious issues between you then I can see why it might come across differently to you.

Hazylazydays · 08/03/2025 11:04

JMSA · 08/03/2025 10:41

He can't do right for doing wrong.

Exactly, sometimes there’s just no pleasing people, there has to be an autopsy, an inquest, digging into every word and nuance that someone makes, says or does.
I wonder sometimes how people manage to live from day to day with so much forensic digging going on!

Sunisshine · 08/03/2025 10:58

I would not make much of it and think he meant well; what worries me is you said you have big issues in the relationship. Do you think it was sarcastic?

it is not like he gave you a hoover or kitchen utensils 😂

Moveoverdarlin · 08/03/2025 10:55

I think it’s a compliment and I’d take it as one.

glitterturd · 08/03/2025 10:52

rwalker · 08/03/2025 10:22

There’s post after post about people feeling undervalued and there contribution to running the home isn’t recognised

To me it read it as thanking you for your contribution to running the home

I agree.

Lovelysummerdays · 08/03/2025 10:51

I think it’s sort of a compliment in that your presence makes a house a home type thing. It is a big twee though.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 08/03/2025 10:50

Surely a better way to thank you for doing all the extra work would be to pick up some other jobs etc to spread the load

Bestfootforward11 · 08/03/2025 10:50

I think he’s trying to show appreciation for what you do and is acknowledging you do a lot. I think maybe you are upset at the fact of how things are balanced between you as a team and you want it to be different. If that’s the case, you should talk to him. Not immediately because then it will likely all come down to the card which I suspect is not what it’s really about.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 08/03/2025 10:50

Eek. I wouldn't like this. If I was a SAHP or we'd agreed that the housework was all my responsibility then u guess a card ia a nice way to be formally recognised for that. But if in theory you're supposed to share housework but you end up doing most of it in practice or it doesn't get done, then I'd feel the same as you...like a few words in a card once a year, do not come close to making up for effectively just passing me your share of the chores for the past x years

museumum · 08/03/2025 10:49

Is he not literally thanking you for all the shit that usually goes unseen and unacknowledged? The “women’s work”.

TorroFerney · 08/03/2025 10:48

rwalker · 08/03/2025 10:22

There’s post after post about people feeling undervalued and there contribution to running the home isn’t recognised

To me it read it as thanking you for your contribution to running the home

Oh god I hate the phrase running the home. Unless you live in a stately home it’s not running. Sorry to react but my mother used to say to me “you’ll never be able to run a home” what like you “run” a three bed bungalow.

i think op if smacks of oh i know we aren’t getting in but ill bung her some flowers and a card as thats easier than actually being a grown up and doing some emotional work. . But putting that in a card is awful. What about all your personal qualities that he loves about you.

ForestFox44 · 08/03/2025 10:48

He did a nice thing, I think you're over thinking it personally

pizzaHeart · 08/03/2025 10:46

In the context you mentioned “as thank you from DD and him” I would read it as a compliment and an attempt to expand the thank you.
I wouldn’t overthink.
Also depending where you are and especially where he is from the focus of the day might be a bit different than in UK.

mulberrybag · 08/03/2025 10:46

Has he maybe asked ChatGPT to write something ? It reads kind of like that to me

tsmainsqueeze · 08/03/2025 10:45

I think it's a really nice thing to say .

siucra · 08/03/2025 10:45

The issue is you don’t want to be thanked. You just want him to do 50/50. It’s fine for men to do the bare minimum and as long as they show occasional gratitude it’s all okay. It’s a crap card and you’re right to feel pissed off. Also IWD isn’t another stupid Mother’s Day, it’s a day to uplift women and girls from developing countries. No more patronising cards, please. Just do your share.

SouthLondonMum22 · 08/03/2025 10:43

I'd get the ick if my DH said that. I wouldn't like it at all.

dudsville · 08/03/2025 10:43

I would have been taken aback by that too OP. I still remember at the age of 10 years old, when my SF gave my mum bedding for some present or other. I knew at the age of 10, in the early 80's that that was shit. Mum was a fabulous homemaker, and I learned a lot from her, including the way to thank someone for running a home very well.

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 08/03/2025 10:42

It's a compliment.

Pay him one too. Oils relationship wheels.

Cosyblankets · 08/03/2025 10:42

Is he not just appreciating you? Do we have to look for offence everywhere.
If I've cleaned my husband will often comment on how nice it looks and likewise if he's cooked I'll say it was a nice meal
He's just saying thank you

JMSA · 08/03/2025 10:41

He can't do right for doing wrong.