Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect husband to feed baby on the weekends?

116 replies

Gemmy96 · 08/03/2025 09:23

I am a SAHM who looks after dc (1yo) from Monday to Friday solo. This includes all meals, with the exception of a few dinners a week, all cooking, all baby groups, all medical appointments, etc. All the usual SAHM things. My husband goes out to work Monday to Friday. We have just had our usual Saturday morning row because he wants to lie in (as if I ever get to!) and is whining about me asking him to feed the baby. The issue is, apparently, that he never gets a full day off. AIBU?

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 08/03/2025 10:23

@Rainbowclouds101 sorry! Completely misunderstood!! You're 100% right.

Rainbowclouds101 · 08/03/2025 10:22

NerrSnerr · 08/03/2025 10:15

Imagine being a dad and not being prepared to feed your own baby on a day you're not working.

Show quote history

What I meant is… dad thinks he can have a day off a week, imagine if a mum said that.

NerrSnerr · 08/03/2025 10:17

DaisyChain505 · 08/03/2025 10:04

Your job currently is a stay at home parent so therefore your work hours in your job should be the same hours that your husband works in his job. Once he clocks off from his job, you clock off from your job and then you are just two parents looking after your children as a team.

That means him doing an equal share of evening meals, bath times, bed times, helping to tidy up the house and early morning starts.

I completely agree with this. Unfortunately from some of the comments here it seems that just because he has a full time job it means that he is exempt from any kind of childcare rearing.

NerrSnerr · 08/03/2025 10:15

Rainbowclouds101 · 08/03/2025 10:09

Imagine being a mum and expecting a full day off once a week 😂

Imagine being a dad and not being prepared to feed your own baby on a day you're not working.

WeekendFreedom · 08/03/2025 10:15

EmmaOvary · 08/03/2025 09:56

You’re allowing him to go to work by taking on full time childcare, sacrificing your pension and career progression.

There, fixed it.

Show quote history

It’s not always done to ‘allow’ a father to carry on working its sometimes done because it’s what the mum wants

NerrSnerr · 08/03/2025 10:14

Nothatgingerpirate · 08/03/2025 09:50

He's keeping a whole family financially secure.
You are a SAHM.
Before anyone says "so what, it isn't 1950" - so what if he decided not to do this and walk away?
Jump and feed your (supposedly wanted) baby.

And if the OP decided that she wanted to work full time do you think he would take on 50% of the house and child stuff? Doesn't sound like it considering he won't even feed his baby on a Saturday morning.

Didimum · 08/03/2025 10:10

Jesus Christ. I just can’t with these types of men anymore. I hope this thread empowers you, OP, but if your husband was a decent man and dad, he would automatically know this isn’t ok. I hope he’s one of the rare ones you can take on some serious self reflection and change.

Start by categorically not accepting it at all. Set out your stance that your job is full time childcare and there is no argument to be had on that position at all. The only discussion is how to equally divvy up the workload during non office hours.

ItTook9Years · 08/03/2025 10:09

OP, from your posts in the last 4 months you both have a lot going on. This is about more than lie ins.

Rainbowclouds101 · 08/03/2025 10:09

Imagine being a mum and expecting a full day off once a week 😂

Rainbowclouds101 · 08/03/2025 10:08

Gemmy96 · 08/03/2025 10:01

I would be absolutely fine. I'm more interested to know what he would do if I decided to jump ship and leave. What a moronic comment.

Show quote history

If you know what you bring to the table why are you putting up with a lazy DH? Of course he works hard during the week, but does he do anything in the evenings? Or the weekends? He can’t even feed his child on the days he has off

Did he really have a child and still expect to have a day off from doing anything on the weekends…

DaisyChain505 · 08/03/2025 10:04

Your job currently is a stay at home parent so therefore your work hours in your job should be the same hours that your husband works in his job. Once he clocks off from his job, you clock off from your job and then you are just two parents looking after your children as a team.

That means him doing an equal share of evening meals, bath times, bed times, helping to tidy up the house and early morning starts.

Edenmum2 · 08/03/2025 10:02

Who does any night wakings? I'm a sahm in your position and I get a lie in ok both days because I do bedtime and night wakes. If I didn't get these lie ins I think I'd file for divorce

Original poster
Gemmy96 · 08/03/2025 10:01

Nothatgingerpirate · 08/03/2025 09:50

He's keeping a whole family financially secure.
You are a SAHM.
Before anyone says "so what, it isn't 1950" - so what if he decided not to do this and walk away?
Jump and feed your (supposedly wanted) baby.

I would be absolutely fine. I'm more interested to know what he would do if I decided to jump ship and leave. What a moronic comment.

OP posts:
Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 08/03/2025 10:01

UpsideDownChairs · 08/03/2025 09:33

One lie-in each is what's fair (and the thing I missed the most when I became a single mum to younger kids... of course now they're older, it's that I get no time alone in the evenings instead :) )

I know I hate when people suggest a sit-down chat, but, for your own sanity, have a sit down chat and confirm that his expectation is that because he goes out to work monday to friday, he should never do any childcare, and you are responsible for house/kids 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week.

Once you have that said out loud, that yes, he doesn't ever expect to take any responsibility for the children, and you should never have time off, you can decide what you want to do about that.

I had a DH like this.Apparently, being a SAHM meant doing everything, all the time, weekends and holidays included. Because he 'needed' weekends and holidays to recharge for his Very Important Job. I, apparently, could work 24/7 365 (I had non-sleeping babies) without any need for a recharge.

He's an XH.

Corinthiana · 08/03/2025 10:00

What happens re childcare on weekends, and weekday evenings? Is he involved at all?
What plans did you duscuss before you had the baby?

Nanny0gg · 08/03/2025 09:59

Gemmy96 · 08/03/2025 09:26

Because the other adult wants to lie in both days.

Show quote history

Does he ever do any parenting or anything domestic?
Or is it all down to you?

Corinthiana · 08/03/2025 09:58

araiwa · 08/03/2025 09:25

How can two adults not agree on one person gets to sleep late on Saturday and the other on Sunday?

I know. It's very strange.

ImmortalSnowman · 08/03/2025 09:58

Stop doing things for him. Tell him you're going back to work at weekends so he will have no lie ins and need to look after his child all weekend.

Your child is only one, he works 9 to 5 not 12 hour shifts. You need to go back to work as soon as possible so you aren't left vulnerable to this man's directive. He won't get better.

LoremIpsumCici · 08/03/2025 09:57

Changeissmall · 08/03/2025 09:52

What happens on Sunday at the moment?

Needs more context really. If he’s doing many hours manual labour with a long commute or a massively stressful job and out of the house 60 hours you might need to pick up more at the weekends too.

I agree, have to adjust for each others sleep needs. Say if you only need 7hrs a night but your partner needs 10hrs a night just to function- these basic needs should not be part of the equal time discussion.

EmmaOvary · 08/03/2025 09:56

Nothatgingerpirate · 08/03/2025 09:50

He's keeping a whole family financially secure.
You are a SAHM.
Before anyone says "so what, it isn't 1950" - so what if he decided not to do this and walk away?
Jump and feed your (supposedly wanted) baby.

You’re allowing him to go to work by taking on full time childcare, sacrificing your pension and career progression.

There, fixed it.

LoremIpsumCici · 08/03/2025 09:55

The issue is you both should have equal “me” time to do with as you wish on the weekends. Early years DH and I had 2hrs each on Saturday and sunday. The time can be spent however you want. If he wants to waste it in bed, good on him. I used my 2hrs each day to go for bike rides. My DH used his to paint in his studio. Point is, fair is necessarily you lie in then I lie in. It’s time you give each other while one of you has baby solo on the weekends.

Highlandhardrain · 08/03/2025 09:55

You should obviously divide your time off at the weekend, taking turns for a lie in - that's what any decent partner would agree to.

Changeissmall · 08/03/2025 09:52

What happens on Sunday at the moment?

Needs more context really. If he’s doing many hours manual labour with a long commute or a massively stressful job and out of the house 60 hours you might need to pick up more at the weekends too.

Rainbowclouds101 · 08/03/2025 09:52

Shade17 · 08/03/2025 09:49

He should also be dealing with any nighttime issues on Friday and Saturday nights to give you a proper break.

This. I’d be interested to know if he actually does any childcare in the evenings

Endofyear · 08/03/2025 09:51

When does he think you 'get a full day off?' You're looking after a baby all week, it's not a 9-5 job, it's a 24/7 job! He should step up at the weekend and do his fair share of feeding/changing/playing with baby. What's more, he should want to do it.