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Original poster

Is this rude if you were a guest?

317 replies

Britishsummertime22 · 07/03/2025 23:36

If you were a guest in someone's house and they went up to bed without saying goodnight or telling you they were going to bed/not coming back downstairs would you think that was rude?

OP posts:
BalaconBalonz · 08/03/2025 02:30

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 07/03/2025 23:46

Clearly they go to bed earlier, was there no hints given re their bedtime / being tired / suggesting you are tired after your journey etc.

I think it is this too - they go to bed earlier and feel awkward to end the evening as you are a guest and still up.
I would just forget it and enjoy but, today I would subtly find out what time they typically go to bed and make sure you head up ealier
or if you feel awkward to ask then tonight I would ensure I go up to bed much earlier and wish them goodnight.

PandaTime · 08/03/2025 02:13

That's weird. Did they go up to use the loo then forget you were still downstairs?

PyongyangKipperbang · 08/03/2025 02:09

Only read the OP's posts but did the husband leave first, and the wife then went up and didnt come back?

My sisters husband is like that, its all about him. God forbid that she have fun without him. If my sister had gone up to check on him he would give out to the point where she felt she must stay with him. Wonder if thats what happened here.

Monty27 · 08/03/2025 02:07

@Britishsummertime22 I'd be gone home first thing. Were you invited?

Sal17690 · 08/03/2025 02:03

Babycote · 08/03/2025 00:24

Bur it's never just goodnight is it, you have to give a reason for leaving, and everyone's slightly disapppointed in you, and then there are instructions about lights and breakfast and you make other people feel it's their bedtime too, and it's all just dreary and better avoided

Edited
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huh? This is so strange to me. What's so difficult about "ok I'm going to head to bed now. Feel free to get up whenever suits you, help yourself to hot drinks, there's juice in the fridge, bread in the bread bin. See you in the morning, good night!" - no tricky disappointment / long-winded instructions?

steff13 · 08/03/2025 01:54

Zenana · 08/03/2025 01:21

I read your post as is this rude if you were a ghost 👻

It depends on whether you're a friendly ghost. 🤷‍♀️

Ella31 · 08/03/2025 01:47

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I agree. Its very strange

Spudthespanner · 08/03/2025 01:43

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Ella31 · 08/03/2025 01:37

Op, I'm a little confused as other posters have pointed out. You don't have any children according to your posts only a few weeks ago so not sure why you needed to sort childcare and a quick search has a lot of conflicting threads that you've created. I hope you are ok.

Zenana · 08/03/2025 01:21

I read your post as is this rude if you were a ghost 👻

Glorybox2025 · 08/03/2025 01:21

I wouldn't be able to avoid saying something!

Stirabout · 08/03/2025 01:15

Two potential scenarios

One goes to bed assuming the other is staying with you for a chat anyway. The other goes to see where the former has disappeared, finds them in the bedroom and things get a bit raunchy weyhey…

Or. And this isn’t so good on you. Maybe they had been hinting it’s late, just slight remarks and gave up hinting and just went to bed. Very rude though

Tomorrow I’d take the initiative and go to bed first. Base it on whenever they slopped off.

ItGhoul · 08/03/2025 01:04

Babycote · 08/03/2025 00:29

Or just have more chill social norms! Ones where if you want to go to bed, you do so

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Nobody’s saying you can’t go to bed when you want. You don’t even have to explain. All you need to do is let your guest know you’re going so they aren’t sitting around wondering what’s going on or whether their host is coming back down.

ItGhoul · 08/03/2025 00:59

rivalsbinge · 07/03/2025 23:39

Unless they are sick or undergoing some treatment that means they need rest then it's extremely odd.

Or drunk?

Even if they were unwell it would still be rude not to let their guests know they were going up to bed. A simple ‘I’m not feeling well so I’m going to bed to rest - feel free to stay up though and make yourself at home’ would be fine.

SpringIsSpringing25 · 08/03/2025 00:54

Incredibly rude behaviour to just vanish on a guest like that, leaving them there on their own wondering where the hell everyone's gone to.

it would depend on whether they're family friends or what, how I reacted and how I felt.

Crackanut · 08/03/2025 00:49

Babycote · 08/03/2025 00:29

Or just have more chill social norms! Ones where if you want to go to bed, you do so

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Of course you can go to bed. "I'm off to bed now goodnight". You don't just leave a guest sitting there without saying anything and they're wondering where you are.

Halloumiheaven · 08/03/2025 00:44

Spudthespanner · 08/03/2025 00:17

the whole goodnight thing

This made me laugh. What, saying "goodnight"?

😂😂😂 fucking hell.

Show quote history

You say that , my DH and his family (strongly suspect all have ASD) find basic social greetings excruciatingly painful. Things like the "hello how are you?" "Goodnight" rituals/goodbye rituals are like watching them make a really awkward dance together. I have witnessed them literally walk in the house and just go straight into talking about something - no "hello". The awful thing Is my social skills suffer for being around this odd communication so much. I end up feeling like a freak for holding normal expected social skills. It's like they find it really eye-rolly .

InsegnanteScozzese · 08/03/2025 00:43

Is this out of the norm for them? Maybe they had an argument?

ilovesooty · 08/03/2025 00:38

CandyLeBonBon · 08/03/2025 00:37

Bizarre behaviour op

I'd find it disconcerting too.

CandyLeBonBon · 08/03/2025 00:37

Bizarre behaviour op

roselilylavender · 08/03/2025 00:36

Had they been drinking? I have gone upstairs before to do or get something, seen my bed and, in my drunken state, it has been so tempting that I have just got into it there and then, fully clothed and been asleep (and probably snoring) within seconds. I hadn't meant to be rude. DH has fallen asleep on the sofa when we've had guests over.

Spudthespanner · 08/03/2025 00:36

@Babycote

No one's stopping anyone from going to bed.

Halloumiheaven · 08/03/2025 00:35

To be honest this is the sort of thing my DH would do (undiagnosed Asperger's)

My sister in law possibly would too (doesn't seem to love socialising)

But I think it's rude yes. Very rude actually.

Bbq1 · 08/03/2025 00:34

Oh so do you have kids or not, Op? Or are you not returning to the thread?

Hairyesterdaygonetoday · 08/03/2025 00:32

SnoopyPajamas · 08/03/2025 00:21

I'd probably just laugh it off with them in the morning. "I didn't realise you'd gone to bed! I hope I wasn't keeping you up. What time do you usually turn in?"

If there were any hints you missed that's an easy way to set expectations for the next two nights

That's a good idea.

Also, OP, are your hosts socially awkward in other ways? I mean, are they very shy, or do they have difficulty making conversation? Some people genuinely don't know what to do. I think Snoopy's idea would defuse the situation.