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Original poster

Is this rude if you were a guest?

317 replies

Britishsummertime22 · 07/03/2025 23:36

If you were a guest in someone's house and they went up to bed without saying goodnight or telling you they were going to bed/not coming back downstairs would you think that was rude?

OP posts:
Truetoself · 08/03/2025 07:00

If you are very close, it could be an oversight? Or maybe that's how it works in their house. Just mention in the morning that you didn't know they had gone up to bed and make light of it

Crazybaby123 · 08/03/2025 06:59

I think it really depends on who the people are to you and why you are staying, to assess if it is weird or rude.

LittleBigHead · 08/03/2025 06:58

Britishsummertime22 · 07/03/2025 23:36

If you were a guest in someone's house and they went up to bed without saying goodnight or telling you they were going to bed/not coming back downstairs would you think that was rude?

Very rude. Why would someone do that?

Nelly91 · 08/03/2025 06:58

Honestly some people are ridiculous going through past posts. It all sounds genuine to me! OP, who are the two in relation to you and did they make any ‘I’m tired’ hints?

sweetpickle2 · 08/03/2025 06:55

How do you know these people OP? I could imagine someone I know very well doing this and it wouldn’t bother me.

At worst it’s a bit rude, but I don’t think you need to worry that you’ve done something to upset them- they’ve just gone to bed.

Newfoundzestforlife · 08/03/2025 06:53

TheNeverEndingOver · 08/03/2025 06:52

I imagine its a joke.

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Aren't jokes meant to be funny?

TheNeverEndingOver · 08/03/2025 06:52

Newfoundzestforlife · 08/03/2025 06:48

Why advise something so stupid?! Do you like making trouble in real life?

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I imagine its a joke.

EdithBond · 08/03/2025 06:52

stayathomer · 08/03/2025 05:56

I’d say they were wrecked or perhaps didn’t get a chance/ went up for something and couldn’t resist bed. I wouldn’t overthink it to be honest!

Yes, I agree. It is rude to do it. But I wouldn’t overthink it or worry it’s something you’ve done. Some people aren’t that thoughtful or feel awkward telling a guest they need to go to bed.

@Britishsummertime22 how did you happen to stay there? Did they invite you or did you say you’d visit them?

This morning, I’d say something like: ‘You should have said if you wanted to go to bed. I had no idea I was keeping you up and wondered where you’d both gone’.

Newfoundzestforlife · 08/03/2025 06:49

No big deal, maybe they were that knackered they couldn't muster the energy to come back downstairs and just slunk off to bed.

Newfoundzestforlife · 08/03/2025 06:48

steff13 · 07/03/2025 23:44

I'm all seriousness, that's the craziest thing I've heard in a while.

Take their car for a joyride.

Why advise something so stupid?! Do you like making trouble in real life?

stayathomer · 08/03/2025 05:56

I’d say they were wrecked or perhaps didn’t get a chance/ went up for something and couldn’t resist bed. I wouldn’t overthink it to be honest!

limegreenstripes · 08/03/2025 05:55

OP, pleeeease answer who these people are in relation to you!

AngelicKaty · 08/03/2025 05:53

@Britishsummertime22 YANBU OP. Not only was this rude of your hosts, it's also just plain weird. When I have guests to stay, I always do a last minute check with them at night that they have everything they need and know where everything is (and offer them a glass of water to take up to bed with them). Even if they were tired and hoped not to get to bed too late last night, they could have explained that to you and given you the option of staying downstairs and watching TV with, say, a glass of wine and a bit of supper - again, making sure you could find anything you might want. To be honest, I think they're lousy hosts, but if they behave oddly this morning, I would ask them outright if I'd done/said anything to upset them so you can apologise, clear the air and have a nice stay with them. Hope it's all OK OP. 😊
*Edited for a typo.

Original poster
Britishsummertime22 · 08/03/2025 05:41

Floppyflippers · 08/03/2025 05:37

Have some people got nothing better to do than go trawling through a poster's history looking for a gotcha moment. Jesus wept. I thought troll hunting was frowned upon on here. What's happened on this thread is very definitely that.

I know. Sometimes I change the very odd detail just not to be identifiable by friends/colleagues and family in situations where I feel I would really benefit from speaking to other women and getting advice but I don't want to upset or offend anyone. I didn't think this was a problem as it doesn't effect anyone else and I've seen lots of other people do it regularly as so as not to be outing. As for the reply about me "wanting to die" yes, very sadly I have struggled previously with depression. I'm not sure why that would be okay to hold against me.

OP posts:
Floppyflippers · 08/03/2025 05:37

Have some people got nothing better to do than go trawling through a poster's history looking for a gotcha moment. Jesus wept. I thought troll hunting was frowned upon on here. What's happened on this thread is very definitely that.

arcticpandas · 08/03/2025 04:51

Britishsummertime22 · 08/03/2025 04:48

I went to bed thanks. I regularly look after my neice so as I was having a weekend away, I needed to organise an alternative. I didn't feel the need to over explain that part!!

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People just don't want to waste their time replying to made up posts that's all. Don't worry about it. Tell your hosts tomorrow that you sat waiting for them in the living room not realising they had gone to bed and see what they say.

Original poster
Britishsummertime22 · 08/03/2025 04:48

Bbq1 · 08/03/2025 00:34

Oh so do you have kids or not, Op? Or are you not returning to the thread?

I went to bed thanks. I regularly look after my neice so as I was having a weekend away, I needed to organise an alternative. I didn't feel the need to over explain that part!!

OP posts:
arcticpandas · 08/03/2025 04:48

That is so weird! Even my autistic son will always say good night before going to bed (twice or more but that's another story) because we have taught him it's the polite thing to do. I would ask them straight out if you have done anything to cause offence since they were just leaving without saying good night. It doesn't make you feel welcome that's for sure.

Original poster
Britishsummertime22 · 08/03/2025 04:45

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I was supposed to be looking after my neice thanks!

OP posts:
Velmy · 08/03/2025 04:16

One of my sets of grandparents used to do this! They did it to a couple of sets of friends they had to stay, then they did it to me when I was about 17, then to my parents.

Awful people and we stopped having contact with them 20+ years ago, but we always laugh about how pathetic this particular trick was.

autisticbookworm · 08/03/2025 04:15

Are you related? I'd probably make a joke in the morning about not realising everyone had left.

crockofshite · 08/03/2025 04:00

Honestly I wouldn't over think it.

All they've done is go to bed.

Maybe they're not used to announcing their comings and goings.

Biscuitsnotcookies · 08/03/2025 03:54

Yes, I would feel unwelcome and wouldn’t be rushing back anytime soon!

CaptainFuture · 08/03/2025 03:18

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LardoBurrows · 08/03/2025 02:43

How sure are you that they did not mean to come back downstairs? How sure are you that they have gone to bed?

Maybe there was a mad axe murderer waiting for them when they just popped upstairs to get something and you assumed they had gone to bed, but really they have been decapitated and now the axe murderer is waiting for you to come upstairs. Go on Op, go upstairs, I dare you ☠️💀