Is this rude if you were a guest?

Just go to bed first tonight and my say anything

It was the hosts that have caused any awkwardness, not OP. Why give out "multiple subtle indicators" when a straight-forward "Right, it's been a long week and we're off to bed now. Need anything before we go? No? Right-o, sleep well and see you in the morning. Night night." Are people so incapable of even basic courtesy these days? 🙄

As others have asked, who are they?

Are they close relatives who are so comfortable with you they just pottered about and went to bed or are they friends who always act oddly?

See, I'm a late sleeper too due to a sleep disorder, but I don't think this is on OP. What would be the problem with the host saying they're off to bed, but make yourself comfortable and see you in the morning etc?

Tbf if I'm staying somewhere I tend to go to bed when my hosts do, unless they're close friends/family I'd worry about appearing rude staying up, and I always have a book with me to read in bed. But I think it's up to the hosts to tell the guest if they need to go to bed, not passive-aggressively disappear without a word.

Are they not used to having guests?
Can you find a reason to go home early ( water coming through a ceiling, friend who has no one has broken an ankle, intruders in your house, great aunt is flying in unexpectedly from wherever are a few I can think of)

So they went to bed at 10:45 on a weekday night. I think they probably felt awkward you were showing no signs of going to bed and they were really tired so person 1 just went. Person 2 at least should have clarified person 1 went to bed and they were doing the same, but maybe they felt as awakward as you at basically having to tell you that you'd stayed up longer than they expected and they were really uncomfortable and tired. Maybe it was even a passive agressive way of setting the point that its late and we expect to be in bed by this time going forward.
Surely part of the arrangement of staying over with someone is finding out their usual bedtime to know if its compatible enough to be a viable place to stay?
I'm a really late sleeper due to insomnia, i'ts not unusual to still be wide awake at 2am, I'd never stay with someone with a typical 9pm bedtime etc.

Any update?

Yeah it's rude, whether you're a guest or live in the house, if you're in a house and there's other people, if you're leaving for whatever reason - i.e. going to bed or going out somewhere - it's polite to say so.

I could never get this through to DSS when he lived here. He thought "because he was adult" he no longer had to tell us when he was going out, so he'd just leave. We said you should still say goodbye and see you later, just because you don't have to ask permission doesn't mean you just disappear!

That’s really rude and weird! Even if you hadn’t noticed hints that they wanted to go to bed then they should have made it more obvious. “Anyway, it’s waaaay past my bedtime! Help yourself to anything and feel free to stay downstairs. We’re normally up at around …..so we don’t clash in the bathroom. Night!” Weird. I’d feel uncomfortable too. I’d probably leave early tbh.

Were you all watching something and they decided to quietly pop up without disturbing your enjoyment?

Are you sure they weren’t drunk?

Depends how much they’ve drank!

My son and I don’t say goodnight. To be fair he is always in his room (33 with ASD). If he was downstairs with me it would be different.

Pls quiz your hosts about this OP and let us know what they say. I’m invested.

I was going to ask this, I used to do that sort of thing when I was a teen!

Have you said anything?

My initial reaction is that they had just received some bad news.

Oh.

My partner does this and I find it so rude, he continues to even though I’ve asked him to just say good night, very odd behaviour and such a shame that you’re now thinking what you may have done when it’s them in the wrong, are you close enough to ask them?

Had they been dropping massive hints they were tired and you were just sitting there watching a film or something?

Just casually strolling by ,stopping to tie up my shoelace and possibly find out what happened this morning.

Maybe you don’t know them very well, but that’s just the way they are. It’s not being rude.

What is the relationship between you and these hosts OP?

It's bizarre for both of them to do this, leaving you alone.

He's high functioning. It's me that knows he has it. He's less aware. (No benefit for him to get diagnosed now)

Asperger's is an old term for HFA where the intelligence is average to above average and no deficit in ability to live independently etc, doesn't need obvious "support".

It's a whole other thread for me to tell you how I know he has it and I'll be gaslighted into thinking I'm making false arm chair diagnoses so I'd rather leave it there.

@darknagic @LadeOde she had been there for only a few hours and she is meant to stay 3 nights total, so 2 more nights.