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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not tell partner about daughter's a&e attendance

135 replies

FedUp120028 · 07/03/2025 22:01

As the title says really.

D is an adult, he expects me to tell him if she attends but as per patient confidentiality, given she's an adult I should not. Only when NOK contact is necessary which is her mother should I contact a parent, otherwise it would breach confidentiality unless she explicitly tells me to.

OP posts:
Motherofdragons24 · 07/03/2025 23:34

FedUp120028 · 07/03/2025 23:32

Yes, you'd like to think so. He expects me to blab?? Not going to happen.

Show quote history

Just keep repeating the same phrase. As I said sir we will ensure your daughter has access to a phone to contact you if she wishes…

Normallynumb · 07/03/2025 23:33

Your posts are not particularly clear but for the DDs Father
" She is not allowed to tell you anything about anyone"

Original poster
FedUp120028 · 07/03/2025 23:32

Motherofdragons24 · 07/03/2025 23:29

Not really sure what the problem is here, it’s pretty straightforward what the answer is

Dad: please contact me if DD attends.
you: oh I’m sure she will let you know if she feels the need to and of course we have her NoK details if we need to contact someone.

end of discussion surely? Doesn’t need to be confrontational just be nonchalent and shut it down. if he pushes just say she has her phone and will call who she wants to and then NOK can share information with other family if the patient and NOK feel they need to.

these kinds of situations come up often in hospitals. If you’re struggling speak to a member of staff for support.

Yes, you'd like to think so. He expects me to blab?? Not going to happen.

OP posts:
ByGreenBiscuit · 07/03/2025 23:32

FedUp120028 · 07/03/2025 23:27

Well apparently he has all rights ever to know about his adult daughter.

So, I've asked a friend the same hypothetical situation about her 16+ daughter and she'd also expect me tk blab. What is it with parental expectations when their children are ADULTS.

Sorry but you sound really immature. I’m glad that you’re not looking after me. Try exercising your own judgement instead of using a random bunch of strangers for their opinion so you can back it up to some dickhead.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 07/03/2025 23:31

AnnaL94 · 07/03/2025 23:27

Thread after thread after thread on this site keeps reinforcing to me that men are ghastly, entitled creatures.

Edited

Yep.
Depressing stuff.

healthybychristmas · 07/03/2025 23:31

I think I would just say to him that if I had the opportunity to speak to his daughter in hospital I would ask her if she wanted him to know. I would then do whatever she wanted. If she is close to him then she may well want him to know anyway But it has to come from her. In the very unlikely event that she came in and wasn't conscious then I assume you would be telling her mother and would ask her mother whether her father should be told.

Can two people be next of kin?

Original poster
FedUp120028 · 07/03/2025 23:31

Normallynumb · 07/03/2025 23:30

Basic rules of confidentiality mean you can't tell him anything about anyone at all ever.... even DD
I find it hard to believe you work in A&E in any capacity

I am not asking for the rules. Thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
FedUp120028 · 07/03/2025 23:30

VioletVX · 07/03/2025 23:12

People who know your SD, obviously. Not saying random strangers.

Show quote history

I would pay to see anyone try.

Area?
Trust?
My position?
Is SD really female?

It's hypothetical, you would be terrible detective. I hope you don't work for the police!

OP posts:
Normallynumb · 07/03/2025 23:30

Basic rules of confidentiality mean you can't tell him anything about anyone at all ever.... even DD
I find it hard to believe you work in A&E in any capacity

Motherofdragons24 · 07/03/2025 23:29

Not really sure what the problem is here, it’s pretty straightforward what the answer is

Dad: please contact me if DD attends.
you: oh I’m sure she will let you know if she feels the need to and of course we have her NoK details if we need to contact someone.

end of discussion surely? Doesn’t need to be confrontational just be nonchalent and shut it down. if he pushes just say she has her phone and will call who she wants to and then NOK can share information with other family if the patient and NOK feel they need to.

these kinds of situations come up often in hospitals. If you’re struggling speak to a member of staff for support.

AnnaL94 · 07/03/2025 23:27

Thread after thread after thread on this site keeps reinforcing to me that men are ghastly, entitled creatures.

Original poster
FedUp120028 · 07/03/2025 23:27

Well apparently he has all rights ever to know about his adult daughter.

So, I've asked a friend the same hypothetical situation about her 16+ daughter and she'd also expect me tk blab. What is it with parental expectations when their children are ADULTS.

OP posts:
rightinthedavinamccalls · 07/03/2025 23:22

VioletVX · 07/03/2025 23:12

People who know your SD, obviously. Not saying random strangers.

Show quote history

You don't think OP may have changed some details? Maybe it's a son in real life. People change details on here all the time.

DivorcedMumOfAdults · 07/03/2025 23:17

It does sound like your partner is a bit controlling to both you and his daughter.

Redfred00 · 07/03/2025 23:16

I think it depends. If you took her in or if you were working and she came in. If you were working or happened upon her in your professional capacity then you can't tell him. It's confidential.

Original poster
FedUp120028 · 07/03/2025 23:13

VioletVX · 07/03/2025 23:12

People who know your SD, obviously. Not saying random strangers.

Show quote history

Even then, it would be impossible to place a guess.

OP posts:
Headabovetheparapets · 07/03/2025 23:12

FedUp120028 · 07/03/2025 22:44

I'm starting to think this.

I said that patient confidentiality explicitly forbids me from informing you of her attendance.

His response - what's more important, my daughter or your job.

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As you correctly say adult Daughters privacy overrides any right he feels he has to know.
& in answer to his question
your job is not relevant what’s important is his daughters privacy if she wants him to know she can either tell him or have him added as a NOK/ICE.
nicely he should not be involving you or your job.

VioletVX · 07/03/2025 23:12

FedUp120028 · 07/03/2025 22:41

Feel free to try and identify.

Show quote history

People who know your SD, obviously. Not saying random strangers.

richardosmanstrousers · 07/03/2025 23:11

Ignore me I have just seen a post the clears it up. She isn't your daughter.

richardosmanstrousers · 07/03/2025 23:10

Your daughter, your partner is her dad and she also has a mum?

S18 · 07/03/2025 23:09

FedUp120028 · 07/03/2025 22:44

I'm starting to think this.

I said that patient confidentiality explicitly forbids me from informing you of her attendance.

His response - what's more important, my daughter or your job.

Show quote history

If his relationship with his daughter is so poor that she wouldn’t tell him then it adds nothing positive to the situation by telling him. Whatever treatment she receives would be the same whether he knows about it or not. So yes your job is more important than telling him. It’s a red flag that he doesn’t see your job as important and doesn’t see why an adult should have privacy in their healthcare.

NachoChip · 07/03/2025 23:06

Not telling him is putting his daughter first.

Let's say you do tell him, what's going to happen? He's going to approach her about it, next time she needs to go to a&e, she won't go as she knows it'll get back to her Dad, she's now in danger.

The fact he would so disrespect and undermine you and your career to compensate for his lacking relationship with his daughter, whilst violating her trust, and put you in such an awful position is not good.

I would close down any further conversations about it and threaten to tell his daughter what he's doing, and let her know her confidential medical information is safe in your hands.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 07/03/2025 23:05

FedUp120028 · 07/03/2025 22:57

Of course!

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He sounds like an idiot who has no respect for you or for your job or for his daughter.

Has he got any good qualities?

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 07/03/2025 23:03

FedUp120028 · 07/03/2025 23:01

It's not my daughter, it's his. I just don't like his intention to put me in that kind of position. I would always, always choose the patients basic right to confidentiality.

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it is such a waste of life to be arguing about this - he sounds a loser and I’d get rid.

Original poster
FedUp120028 · 07/03/2025 23:03

Bluh · 07/03/2025 23:02

Ok so you know what he’s like now. You’ll leave him yeah?

Well seeing this attitude, perhaps.

OP posts: