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Original poster

To not tell partner about daughter's a&e attendance

135 replies

FedUp120028 · 07/03/2025 22:01

As the title says really.

D is an adult, he expects me to tell him if she attends but as per patient confidentiality, given she's an adult I should not. Only when NOK contact is necessary which is her mother should I contact a parent, otherwise it would breach confidentiality unless she explicitly tells me to.

OP posts:
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Tiswa · 08/03/2025 20:24

I hope it is just that he can’t admit he was wrong becuase his attitude to his moral right to information about his adult daughter is awful and really doesn’t sit right with me

DivorcedMumOfAdults · 08/03/2025 16:33

Gliblet · 08/03/2025 16:06

🤣🤣 Bless his little cottons. At this point it's entirely possible he's realised he's being stupid but can't admit to it. If I were you I'd stop discussing it with him - tell him in that case he should tell his DD that he feels morally entitled to be listed as her NOK and see how far that gets him, you won't be having any more conversations about it.

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Yep he’s just one of those people who can’t admit they are wrong- was married to one for far too long

DivorcedMumOfAdults · 08/03/2025 16:30

Even If he wants to know if you see her in Tesco it’s none of his business and you aren’t his spy

flowerrrrpoweerr · 08/03/2025 16:27

He really is showing an utter lack of respect or regard to any of you.

I'm quite surprised you didn't laugh in his face if I'm honest.

Do you really think showing him a thread full of people confirming he is absolutely wrong is going to change anything?

Because I think you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

JFDIYOLO · 08/03/2025 16:20

It's none of his business.

It's none of your business either.

She's an adult.

Tell him to direct all his questions to her.

She can then decide.

I'd just say I don't know.

Onlycoffee · 08/03/2025 16:08

FedUp120028 · 07/03/2025 22:44

I'm starting to think this.

I said that patient confidentiality explicitly forbids me from informing you of her attendance.

His response - what's more important, my daughter or your job.

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What's more important is the daughter's right to privacy!

How does he not realise this. Her attending a&e is not his business unless she wants to tell him.

Gliblet · 08/03/2025 16:06

FedUp120028 · 08/03/2025 16:04

He knows the legal procedures. He's just thinks that the morally right thing to do would be to inform him the 🙄

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🤣🤣 Bless his little cottons. At this point it's entirely possible he's realised he's being stupid but can't admit to it. If I were you I'd stop discussing it with him - tell him in that case he should tell his DD that he feels morally entitled to be listed as her NOK and see how far that gets him, you won't be having any more conversations about it.

Original poster
FedUp120028 · 08/03/2025 16:04

BoredZelda · 08/03/2025 13:31

And Mumsnet is where you came for that?

Better to point him to the written procedures for your job.

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He knows the legal procedures. He's just thinks that the morally right thing to do would be to inform him the 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
FedUp120028 · 08/03/2025 16:03

Northerngirl821 · 08/03/2025 14:31

You shouldn’t tell anyone without her consent - this includes her mother/NOK. NOK are only contacted without the patient’s consent in very specific circumstances.

Yes I know this, but in those special circumstances he wouldn't be the first to know, he seems to expect it!

OP posts:
Original poster
FedUp120028 · 08/03/2025 16:02

sunshineday20 · 08/03/2025 15:52

He is completely wrapped up in what he wants and will put himself before anyone else. Sounds like he would happily break his daughter's right to confidentiality and wouldn't mind if you lost your job in the process. Is this sort of thing a one off OP?

Yes, he's never been like this with anything else. It's like he's put out and offended by people wanting to keep stuff from him?

He's usually so so lovely! I was surprised!

OP posts:
TinyGiraffe23 · 08/03/2025 15:56

outerspacepotato · 07/03/2025 22:52

"he basically said if he found out I knew then we'd be over!"

We call that good riddance to bad rubbish.

We do. The trash takes itself out.

sunshineday20 · 08/03/2025 15:52

He is completely wrapped up in what he wants and will put himself before anyone else. Sounds like he would happily break his daughter's right to confidentiality and wouldn't mind if you lost your job in the process. Is this sort of thing a one off OP?

NoTouch · 08/03/2025 15:11

Jeez, I've even taken my adult niece to A&E (she has been in 5 times in the last 12 months due to chronic illness) and not told her dad, my brother (he is separated from her mum), unless she asked/gave consent. She has enough to deal with when in A&E without stress from anyone she doesn't want informed yet.

He doesn't like that communication between them his poor, but that is his issue not mine and when he has pulled me up for not letting him know I have told him the same (without needing MN to back me up!)

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/03/2025 14:57

FedUp120028 · 07/03/2025 22:44

I'm starting to think this.

I said that patient confidentiality explicitly forbids me from informing you of her attendance.

His response - what's more important, my daughter or your job.

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His response is, quite simply, the wrong question.

His daughter is important. And she has an ABSOLUTE RIGHT for her patient confidentiality to be maintained; which will, incidentally, protect your job.

What he ACTUALLY asked you was - 'what's more important TO ME, me knowing my daughter's private business or your job'.

And it's pretty clear from his response that he doesn't think your job is nearly as important as him knowing what he has NO RIGHT to know.

I'd be looking at him with a whole new set of eyes @FedUp120028 - and I have to say, he is not looking good at all. Not at all.

And you can show him this!

gamerchick · 08/03/2025 14:49

Doesnt sound as if he cares whether you're right or not. He expects you to tell him even if it gets you sacked.

So your relationship will last until his daughter end up in A&E whether you tell him or not.

Tiswa · 08/03/2025 14:42

But his daughter is the most important one here - her right to privacy and decide who knows about her medical issues that is the whole point of patient confidentiality

if it did happen the OP coild ask if she wanted her to call her partner but that again is the daughter

dogcatkitten · 08/03/2025 14:35

Is she a vulnerable adult? If so won't she give permission to keep him informed if he is worried about her? The answer is no you can't tell him anything, but it sounds like there is more to the story.

Northerngirl821 · 08/03/2025 14:31

You shouldn’t tell anyone without her consent - this includes her mother/NOK. NOK are only contacted without the patient’s consent in very specific circumstances.

richardosmanstrousers · 08/03/2025 14:23

Elektra1 · 08/03/2025 13:01

@richardosmanstrousers I'm not sure that changes anything. If the patient told her step-mother/dad's gf in her capacity as such that she attended A&E, then the OP would be within her rights to share that info with the father, especially if she thought there was a risk of harm to the daughter. Anything that involves breaching patient confidentiality is obviously not ok.

That's not the scenario OP is asking about though. It's if OP finds out becsue of her job.

Miyagi99 · 08/03/2025 14:11

FedUp120028 · 07/03/2025 22:02

Yes.

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Of course not then, 101 patient confidentiality!

OnGoldenPond · 08/03/2025 14:03

*His response - what's more important, my daughter or your job
*
Respecting her rights to privacy as an adult is what's important for his daughter. She probably has a very good reason for wanting to keep him at arm's length.

Putting her first is entirely consistent with the confidentiality requirements of your job. Which is why those rules exist.

PreventPomtoPerson · 08/03/2025 13:59

Can’t you just strongly suggest you both check in on her or similar. You’re not allowed to tell him for issues of confidentiality but you can feel concerned about her and make him aware she might need a bit of support without saying why. Obviously it depends on the issue though.

socks1107 · 08/03/2025 13:55

No it's a breach of confidentiality and you shouldn't be telling anyone!

OnGoldenPond · 08/03/2025 13:54

FedUp120028 · 07/03/2025 22:39

Can I clarify, I'm not asking what I should do.

I'm asking because it came up in conversation and I said, I would not tell him so I wanted to show that I was right.

Rather than canvassing MN, you could show them the clause in your employment contract covering patient confidentiality. That should be pretty clear.

BoredZelda · 08/03/2025 13:31

FedUp120028 · 07/03/2025 22:46

Again, this is more to show him how right I am.

And Mumsnet is where you came for that?

Better to point him to the written procedures for your job.