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Original poster

Child(12) giving expensive gift

43 replies

frogsoutofthebag · 07/03/2025 19:14

DSD(12) got a necklace earlier this year that her best friend has said she really loves, they have had before and enjoy having matching things.

DSD has asked if she can buy her friend the necklace (which costs £110) for her birthday in a few weeks, she can afford to do this as she gets pocket money and is a good saver. DP would usually buy friends gifts and so would contribute the usual amount but expect her to pay the extra.

I am worried that its too much for a child to spend on a friends gift and will be seen as inappropriate by parents or cause problems at school. (It wouldn't necessarily be obvious how much the necklace costs unless they looked it up.)

Do other parents think it would be unreasonable for a child to buy an expensive gift for a friend?

OP posts:
Original poster
frogsoutofthebag · 07/03/2025 19:27

Good idea about looking for a cheaper alternative or even a different cheaper necklace than DSD can buy two of so they can match.
Will suggest these.

OP posts:
arcticpandas · 07/03/2025 19:25

Please say no! I would tell my dc he wasn't allowed to accept such an expensive gift from a friend, not even if the family was very wealthy because I would feel obliged to spend the same amount for friend's bday later on and it's just not possible.
I would say 30 £ max for Best friend. 15-20 for other friends.

Ohplesandbanonos · 07/03/2025 19:25

What about suggesting she looks for a best friend necklace set where they each keep one half? You can get some really nice ones for much more reasonable price - maybe something like this?

https://www.bloom-boutique.co.uk/personalised-sterling-silver-create-your-own-family-birth-flower-necklace-photo-gift-set?utmmedium=ProducttFeed&utmsource=BloommProductFeed&gaddsource=1&gbraid=0AAAAADeY4iSxKI7qbvDDVRNyha61bV9jP&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIgLrW9tj4iwMVqpRQBh1HGxytEAQYDiABEgKhafDBwE

I would feel really awkward about one of dd's friends spending so much on her, lovely a thought though it is.

Mmmkaay · 07/03/2025 19:25

You must be able to find a cheaper alternative? Bet the collective powers of mn can!

Original poster
frogsoutofthebag · 07/03/2025 19:24

Quinlan · 07/03/2025 19:21

You really have to step in here and say no. It is hugely inappropriate. No.

She's my step-daughter so can't go against dp and say no.
I will heavily advise him against it though, just wanted to see if anyone thought it was okay before I did.

OP posts:
BestZebbie · 07/03/2025 19:24

The best thing to do would be to suggest that she buys a different, much cheaper, matching necklace - as she could get each of them one for much much less than £110 in total.

MadeinBelfast · 07/03/2025 19:23

What's the necklace like? Is it possible to get a similar one somewhere a bit (lot!) cheaper? Twelve year olds also tend to say they love their friend's things to be nice, any chance she's overstating it and not really fussed about the necklace? It could be an expensive mistake.

cheddercherry · 07/03/2025 19:23

I know she means well but it’s too much, it could possibly overshadow what her family get her (unless you know their circumstances) and it does put pressure on for a reciprocal gift that would be really awkward.

DazzyRascale · 07/03/2025 19:22

Surely she can buy a very similar but cheaper version??

Original poster
frogsoutofthebag · 07/03/2025 19:22

I agree and think it's a bad idea.

DP however thinks it's fine as it's DSD's money being spent and thinks no one needs to mention how much it costs.

OP posts:
Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 07/03/2025 19:21

Not a fucking chance.

How much do you spend on a friends gift?

I spend about £20 for my adult female friends - it's enough, it really is.

RoastDinnerSmellsNice · 07/03/2025 19:21

No, I wouldn't let her do this, for lots of reasons. I would tell her that it's too much money to spend on a friend, particularly at this age, and suggest that her friend asks her parents for one for her birthday if she likes it that much. Then go with her to buy something more suitable.

Quinlan · 07/03/2025 19:21

You really have to step in here and say no. It is hugely inappropriate. No.

Chillilounger · 07/03/2025 19:21

Also at that age they have no clue. My dd's ex best friend asked for White Fox for her 11th birthday....yeah right!

Chillilounger · 07/03/2025 19:20

Absolutely not £10 budget tops. That's absolutely ridiculous.

menopausalfart · 07/03/2025 19:19

As mentioned above, this is way too much to spend.

Wingingiteveryda · 07/03/2025 19:17

I would be v uncomfortable with my child recieving a gift of this value from a friend, or even a relative tbh. It would put pressure on reciprocal buying on friends next birthday or xmas

Nina1013 · 07/03/2025 19:16

Hugely awkward, please don’t let her do this! It’s so kind and so well meant but I would be mortified if my daughter received this from a friend.