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AIBU?

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Original poster

To expect him to reply and check I got home safely?

36 replies

GlorificusT · 07/03/2025 18:24

Last weekend my boyfriend and I went on a trip, we had a long weekend together and then he had to fly home to work. I stayed the rest of the week and travelled home today (we don’t live together yet). He warned me the night before the transport route was difficult.

So I sent a message at 9am this morning saying I was setting off. Sure enough the journey was hellish. He liked the message and otherwise hasn’t messaged me all day. He would usually ask how the journey went, ask if I got back safe or just check in on his lunch break.

I know I sound needy but how hard is it to send one message? It’s not a nice feeling.

OP posts:
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BaMamma · 07/03/2025 22:47

melonalone · 07/03/2025 20:48

He's sat down for a shit at some stage, he had time to send one text!

Show quote history

Who says romance is dead??

melonalone · 07/03/2025 20:48

BaMamma · 07/03/2025 20:46

He had been up working since 5am, give him a break!!

Show quote history

He's sat down for a shit at some stage, he had time to send one text!

BaMamma · 07/03/2025 20:46

melonalone · 07/03/2025 20:43

I think the replies are unfair. You shouldn’t expect your boyfriend to check on you? Really? How dare you expect your actual partner to care enough about you to send a simple text! In the next breath they’ll be replying to someone with a horrible partner complaining about their low standards. You can’t win.

I hope when you speak to him next he apologies and acknowledges he should have messaged. Hopefully work getting in the way was just a one off.

He had been up working since 5am, give him a break!!

CaptainFuture · 07/03/2025 20:45

DisplayPurposesOnly · 07/03/2025 20:31

Flip this around... Your boyfriend hasnt checked in on you when you're travelling, even though he normally does. Do you:
A. assume he's an uncaring selfish git
B. wonder if he's OK.

It's weird you've leapt to A.

Not weird when it's main character syndrome!

melonalone · 07/03/2025 20:43

I think the replies are unfair. You shouldn’t expect your boyfriend to check on you? Really? How dare you expect your actual partner to care enough about you to send a simple text! In the next breath they’ll be replying to someone with a horrible partner complaining about their low standards. You can’t win.

I hope when you speak to him next he apologies and acknowledges he should have messaged. Hopefully work getting in the way was just a one off.

Endofyear · 07/03/2025 20:42

I think you're being a bit precious. You're a grown woman, you can get yourself home without him being your cheerleader. He was at work and presumably busy. He probably thought he'd catch up with you once you were home.

I've been married 35 years and I can't remember DH ever asking me if I got home safely. He would assume that I have unless he heard otherwise!

DisplayPurposesOnly · 07/03/2025 20:31

Flip this around... Your boyfriend hasnt checked in on you when you're travelling, even though he normally does. Do you:
A. assume he's an uncaring selfish git
B. wonder if he's OK.

It's weird you've leapt to A.

Gonk123 · 07/03/2025 20:27

How has he been in the days leading to your journey?

Butchyrestingface · 07/03/2025 20:20

GlorificusT · 07/03/2025 20:12

@ludicrouslycapaciousbags dont say it!

he replied saying he had been up working since 5am and sorry I had a crap
journey. Not going to say anything more for now, but not very considerate.

Another vote for YABU. You say that he’s usually considerate and checks in with you. He’s been up since 5am and is busy with work. I’d be prepared to give him a bit of grace.

I had a long, shit all-day journey today myself. But that’s all it was - I wasn’t travelling through a war zone and neither, presumably, were you. (If you WERE, that’s different and he should definitely have checked in!)

biscuitsandbooks · 07/03/2025 20:17

GlorificusT · 07/03/2025 20:12

@ludicrouslycapaciousbags dont say it!

he replied saying he had been up working since 5am and sorry I had a crap
journey. Not going to say anything more for now, but not very considerate.

On the flip side, where's your consideration for him now he's told you he's been up and working since the crack of dawn?

BaMamma · 07/03/2025 20:15

GlorificusT · 07/03/2025 20:12

@ludicrouslycapaciousbags dont say it!

he replied saying he had been up working since 5am and sorry I had a crap
journey. Not going to say anything more for now, but not very considerate.

I was going to say you don't know what's going on with him and should probably wait and see. Now you know he had been up working since 5am I'd've thought you'd give him a break. So, yeah, you're being unreasonable and needy.

Mayhem01 · 07/03/2025 20:13

I think the least he could do is ask how’s it going and are you back yet?

nam3c4ang3 · 07/03/2025 20:13

I mean - you are an adult and maybe he just doest need to check in on you....i would find this irritatingly clingy and needy...sorry OP, but glad you are safe etc - were you coming from Ukraine or some war-type place etc?

Original poster
GlorificusT · 07/03/2025 20:12

@ludicrouslycapaciousbags dont say it!

he replied saying he had been up working since 5am and sorry I had a crap
journey. Not going to say anything more for now, but not very considerate.

OP posts:
ludicrouslycapaciousbags · 07/03/2025 20:11

Clearly messaging someone else Wink

BansheeOfTheSouth · 07/03/2025 19:36

12 hours without a message? YABVU

UpUpUpU · 07/03/2025 19:34

Where were you coming from?

Original poster
GlorificusT · 07/03/2025 19:32

@Lindy2 he usually messages yes. He was working today.

I think it IS a low bar and a bit off. I’m hurt that he didn’t ask or if I got home ok. We’re looking at nearly 12 hours since I messaged to say I was starting the journey!

I have now messaged myself. I don’t think it’s too much to ask.

OP posts:
CaptainFuture · 07/03/2025 19:30

Am sure read thread from the other side recently where one who went home to work was most disgruntled with the extended holidayer!

Original poster
GlorificusT · 07/03/2025 19:21

we have a routine of keeping the other person company during their journey (started by him I’ll add) which I always indulge him in.

no, it’s not the end of the world and I probably am being clingy, but how much time out of his day would it take to message at lunchtime. He was working from home today.

OP posts:
Lindy2 · 07/03/2025 19:20

I think I'd expect some contact from him to see how the journey was going or if I'd got home OK.

It's not a lot to expect or particularly clingy or needy in my option. It's normal communication for many people.

I'd message my mum if she was doing a long journey alone just like I would my husband.

Some people seem to have very low standards in terms of expressing care for others. Yes we can travel alone perfectly competently but it's nice for the significant people in our lives to just want to quickly check we are having a good journey and everything is OK.

Does he normally message in this type of situation OP? Is he working so it might be difficult? I can see why you feel a bit let down.

Ablondiebutagoody · 07/03/2025 19:20

I don't see the problem. If you want him to know how the journey went, tell him.

Lol13260187 · 07/03/2025 19:13

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biscuitsandbooks · 07/03/2025 19:12

I would find it really odd if DH felt the need to "check in" on me, tbh.

Just message him to say you're home, surely?

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 07/03/2025 19:10

Yanbu he needs to apologise for not checking in, anything could've happened to you x

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