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Original poster

Should I just go back to working full time?

93 replies

Dilemma4ever · 07/03/2025 14:19

background:
I’m a part-time, working mum of 2 kids (a 3 and 6 year old) and I enjoy my career. We’re not dependent on my salary.

Husband is main earner with a full -on job where he starts early and works late 3-4 times a week (is home after kids are asleep) and works some weekends too.

Issue:
I like my career but since I moved to working 3 days a week my performance at work has dipped.

Doing my role as part-time isn’t working out as i’m not hitting the performance standards required - even as I work long days to cram 4/5 days worth of work into my 3 days.

Next steps … here are my options:

  1. Ask for demotion to reduce seniority/ responsibility - but carry on working 3 days to maintain my skills and have time with kids - so I can ramp up my career in 9 years when both kids are in secondary school.

  2. go full time at my current grade and hire an after school nanny - means I dedicate myself to work and perform well again..(means kids miss out on parent time but do well as they still get good care and attention after school and support with homework/study)

  3. stay at my current grade - hire someone in for 3 days so we do a job share (this option might create a diff minefield of issues/ stresses!)

  4. other suggestions

OP posts:
arcticpandas · 07/03/2025 15:04

Did you want to have children OP? Did your husband? Seems like people are eager to have children but then get surprised that children need their parents. Sure, you can pay someone to take care if them but again, what was the point of having them in the first place?

jeaux90 · 07/03/2025 15:00

That way he can't make you the default parent either.

jeaux90 · 07/03/2025 14:59

Go back FT.

Vipersgonnavipe · 07/03/2025 14:57

If you’re doing full time hours but for part time pay, then it would make sense to go back FT, I would think. Make sure your childcare is absolutely water tight though.

I would also be inclined to look for other roles with that commute, but that’s something you can deal with once the other stuff is in place.
Does DH really need to do those hours, or is he taking the piss because you’ve been there to pick up the slack? I only mention it because for the longest time, I felt I couldn’t work certain days because DH was likely to be out later for meetings on those days. Turned out that he didn’t ‘need’ to do that at all, a chance conversation with one of his colleagues about how his family managed those particular days made me realise I was being taken for a mug.
Plan out your week on paper as if you were full time. Put the kids stuff on there. Then get DH to go through with you and just see what makes sense.

Original poster
Dilemma4ever · 07/03/2025 14:54

Dilemma4ever · 07/03/2025 14:19

background:
I’m a part-time, working mum of 2 kids (a 3 and 6 year old) and I enjoy my career. We’re not dependent on my salary.

Husband is main earner with a full -on job where he starts early and works late 3-4 times a week (is home after kids are asleep) and works some weekends too.

Issue:
I like my career but since I moved to working 3 days a week my performance at work has dipped.

Doing my role as part-time isn’t working out as i’m not hitting the performance standards required - even as I work long days to cram 4/5 days worth of work into my 3 days.

Next steps … here are my options:

  1. Ask for demotion to reduce seniority/ responsibility - but carry on working 3 days to maintain my skills and have time with kids - so I can ramp up my career in 9 years when both kids are in secondary school.

  2. go full time at my current grade and hire an after school nanny - means I dedicate myself to work and perform well again..(means kids miss out on parent time but do well as they still get good care and attention after school and support with homework/study)

  3. stay at my current grade - hire someone in for 3 days so we do a job share (this option might create a diff minefield of issues/ stresses!)

  4. other suggestions

Option 4) could be that I stay at the same grade, continue working 3 days on 3 days pay…do some work on my 2 non working days to maintain my performance (get the work done) and accept that this is how I maintain a job I like, have flexibility for family life, intellectual stimulation …. then look at upping my days to 4 when they’re in secondary school

OP posts:
RockahulaRocks · 07/03/2025 14:50

I’ve recently gone back to FT from 4 days a week as I was missing out on things that impacted my ability to do my job. DD has an afterschool nanny 3 days a week and is in ASC the remaining 2 days which seems to suit her really well. I recently took a half day and picked her up from school, and she complained bitterly all the way home that i was the one to collect her and not the nanny so sometimes you just can’t win whatever you do 🙄

Original poster
Dilemma4ever · 07/03/2025 14:49

xx11x · 07/03/2025 14:41

I’d work a way to do full time but less office days - the only one winning here is your employer with you doing a full time job on 3 days pay

Yes, I’d love to do this, but I’d need a valid reason to go against the company hybrid working policy.

Also, to note, the salary I’m on is probably the best I can get at this grade so trying to find a new job closer to home would result in c. 25-30% salary cut or worse work/life culture

OP posts:
Averageper100 · 07/03/2025 14:47

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mummyh2016 · 07/03/2025 14:45

Could you do 5 days but less hours? I work in a role that can't really be done part time but I start late/finish early some days in order to do school runs.

HereintheloveofChristIstand · 07/03/2025 14:44

Go back full time! Sounds like you have made plenty of family sacrifices and now it is time to build you up a bit

Fagli · 07/03/2025 14:42

I’d go full time, but look for another job that’s fully wfh or a shorter commute.

xx11x · 07/03/2025 14:41

I’d work a way to do full time but less office days - the only one winning here is your employer with you doing a full time job on 3 days pay

Wintersoltice · 07/03/2025 14:39

4 days and ask for flexible working to do the extra day from home. Presumably you'll have that problem anyway if you end up going FT.

Drivingmissrangey · 07/03/2025 14:36

I would do option 2, but then I’ve always worked FT and still have a FT nanny even though both of mine are at school.

if you can afford it I would definitely hang on in there and work FT and hire a nanny.

totally depends on your line of work but I’ve not seen anyone in a front or mid office role really succeed at PT, only back office and even then it’s not always successful.

Original poster
Dilemma4ever · 07/03/2025 14:30

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it might not be an immediately available solution but they are open to exploring this

OP posts:
Original poster
Dilemma4ever · 07/03/2025 14:29

xx11x · 07/03/2025 14:25

Are you being paid part time wage but expected to do same work/ reach same targets you had full time?

if so then that’s the issue, could you do full time hours over 4 days?

Edited

If I went back to 4…I’d have to commute in more than once a week and my commute is 1 hr 30 mins each way - partly why I went 3 down to days…

yes part time wage but full time work - and because of my grade the complexity of work given to me will command more ‘full time’ attention rather than part time so it’ll be difficult for management to carve out exactly 3 days of work…

OP posts:
xx11x · 07/03/2025 14:25

Are you being paid part time wage but expected to do same work/ reach same targets you had full time?

if so then that’s the issue, could you do full time hours over 4 days?

Averageper100 · 07/03/2025 14:22

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.