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Original poster

Should I just go back to working full time?

93 replies

Dilemma4ever · 07/03/2025 14:19

background:
I’m a part-time, working mum of 2 kids (a 3 and 6 year old) and I enjoy my career. We’re not dependent on my salary.

Husband is main earner with a full -on job where he starts early and works late 3-4 times a week (is home after kids are asleep) and works some weekends too.

Issue:
I like my career but since I moved to working 3 days a week my performance at work has dipped.

Doing my role as part-time isn’t working out as i’m not hitting the performance standards required - even as I work long days to cram 4/5 days worth of work into my 3 days.

Next steps … here are my options:

  1. Ask for demotion to reduce seniority/ responsibility - but carry on working 3 days to maintain my skills and have time with kids - so I can ramp up my career in 9 years when both kids are in secondary school.

  2. go full time at my current grade and hire an after school nanny - means I dedicate myself to work and perform well again..(means kids miss out on parent time but do well as they still get good care and attention after school and support with homework/study)

  3. stay at my current grade - hire someone in for 3 days so we do a job share (this option might create a diff minefield of issues/ stresses!)

  4. other suggestions

OP posts:
SouthLondonMum22 · 07/03/2025 19:34

arcticpandas · 07/03/2025 19:29

You did see that I asked if the dh wanted children as well? So it's not a misogynistic question, it was directed towards parents who both choose to work very much even though children are young. Some parents hardly see their children but let nannies take care of them. I simply wonder what's the point? Spreading your genes like Elon Musk ?

Show quote history

You can work FT and still spend plenty of time with your children. Parents are allowed to have and enjoy their careers.

Wintersoltice · 07/03/2025 19:34

Dilemma4ever · 07/03/2025 18:30

What do you mean flex working… you mean do the 4th day from home?

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Yes

navybean · 07/03/2025 19:29

Go 4 days until they are maybe 9 and 7 and then move to 5 days

arcticpandas · 07/03/2025 19:29

WobblyBoots · 07/03/2025 19:25

Always one 🙄

Show quote history

You did see that I asked if the dh wanted children as well? So it's not a misogynistic question, it was directed towards parents who both choose to work very much even though children are young. Some parents hardly see their children but let nannies take care of them. I simply wonder what's the point? Spreading your genes like Elon Musk ?

SouthLondonMum22 · 07/03/2025 19:27

Go FT. It's one of many reasons why I never went PT.

WobblyBoots · 07/03/2025 19:25

arcticpandas · 07/03/2025 15:04

Did you want to have children OP? Did your husband? Seems like people are eager to have children but then get surprised that children need their parents. Sure, you can pay someone to take care if them but again, what was the point of having them in the first place?

Always one 🙄

WobblyBoots · 07/03/2025 19:22

I don't have an answer for you but can totally identify! I've worked 3 days for 7 years in a role that sounds a similar level to yours. It's been absolutely fantastic for our family life but on the work front it's been grim, no progression, get worse projects, keep things ticking over on my days off, basically do 4.5 in 3 but don't get paid.

I recently added a day of flex so can bill an extra day if I work it. It has really made a difference at work, so much in fact. But I'm now struggling at home, miss my littlest one and can't keep on top of everything in one day (DH shares the everything as he also works PT but it's still a lot), much more frazzled on the whole.

I think I'm going back to 3 until my smallest one is in school. It's frustrating though, it should be so much easier to make jobs part time or job share but there isn't much willing out there.

Original poster
Dilemma4ever · 07/03/2025 19:14

PollyTomTom · 07/03/2025 18:33

If you're working full time hours then you should be paid full time. If you want to go full time to do even more hours than full time for work performance then doesn't seem the best idea as well as the commute. Personally I think 35-40 hours are plenty and not sure why I'd work more for any reason, you can do twice the work of anyone else but never be rewarded. Full time is definitely less stress than pt though

100% agree with you

OP posts:
Youcancallmeirrelevant · 07/03/2025 18:43

Why on earth would you carry on working a full time job in 3 days for only 3 days pay?!

Different if you compressed and we're still being paid full time hours but your company is taking you for a mug here

Bluenotgreen · 07/03/2025 18:41

I don’t know why you’re working FT hours when you know you’re only getting paid for PT. It doesn’t seem very sensible.

I know two very senior execs who work PT but there’s no way they would turn their work phone or laptop on during their days off (unless it was an absolute emergency)

They wouldn’t expect a man to do this so neither should you.

Original poster
Dilemma4ever · 07/03/2025 18:39

I would easily go to 4 days if I didn’t have to commute twice a week… given it’s 3 hrs travel a day …

OP posts:
PollyTomTom · 07/03/2025 18:33

If you're working full time hours then you should be paid full time. If you want to go full time to do even more hours than full time for work performance then doesn't seem the best idea as well as the commute. Personally I think 35-40 hours are plenty and not sure why I'd work more for any reason, you can do twice the work of anyone else but never be rewarded. Full time is definitely less stress than pt though

Original poster
Dilemma4ever · 07/03/2025 18:30

Wintersoltice · 07/03/2025 14:39

4 days and ask for flexible working to do the extra day from home. Presumably you'll have that problem anyway if you end up going FT.

What do you mean flex working… you mean do the 4th day from home?

OP posts:
AKAanothername · 07/03/2025 17:46

Can you go back full-time but negotiate additional holiday? E.g. you earn £52k full-time but give up £2k per annum for an additional ten days holiday? The extra holiday might give you enough flexibility to make it work.

Notoironing · 07/03/2025 16:59

Check if there are any flexible working options.

i didn’t check for years but recently discovered and have requested annual days. I’m contracted for 4 days but bank extra time off for work on the other day. Effectively work full time then get longer blocks of time off (ie school hols)

Yuja · 07/03/2025 16:52

If you can afford the extra help and you think you can make it work then I'd just work full time. Your career will move on faster, your pay and pension will thank you. I'm 40 this year and just getting back into things properly now my children are 9 and 12 - it's been a bit of a slog tbh and I wish I'd just kept at it when they were younger.

ColourByNumbers88 · 07/03/2025 16:52

Also agree that your husband needs to take a fairer share of parenting. Can't he negotiate to work from home a couple of days a week?

ColourByNumbers88 · 07/03/2025 16:50

I'd stay as is for now until the 3 year old is in primary and then reassess.

Is there anybody you get on with who'd be a good job share?

LovingHare · 07/03/2025 16:45

Dilemma4ever · 07/03/2025 14:54

Option 4) could be that I stay at the same grade, continue working 3 days on 3 days pay…do some work on my 2 non working days to maintain my performance (get the work done) and accept that this is how I maintain a job I like, have flexibility for family life, intellectual stimulation …. then look at upping my days to 4 when they’re in secondary school

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pretty much this

BookGoblin · 07/03/2025 16:22

Why on earth isn't your DH parenting his kids? No fjex at all from him? You do know he's meant to do half?

You could BOTH do four days.

Don't let him tell him he can't ask for this, a woman would just ask.

LazyArsedMagician · 07/03/2025 15:47

Why is it "when they're in secondary school"? Would you not consider going back to full time when they're both in full time school?

Isobel201 · 07/03/2025 15:46

Dilemma4ever · 07/03/2025 14:54

Option 4) could be that I stay at the same grade, continue working 3 days on 3 days pay…do some work on my 2 non working days to maintain my performance (get the work done) and accept that this is how I maintain a job I like, have flexibility for family life, intellectual stimulation …. then look at upping my days to 4 when they’re in secondary school

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You may as well go full time, what's the point in trying to do work on non working days? Your performance should be adjusted to the amount of hours you work.

Crushed23 · 07/03/2025 15:12

Drivingmissrangey · 07/03/2025 14:36

I would do option 2, but then I’ve always worked FT and still have a FT nanny even though both of mine are at school.

if you can afford it I would definitely hang on in there and work FT and hire a nanny.

totally depends on your line of work but I’ve not seen anyone in a front or mid office role really succeed at PT, only back office and even then it’s not always successful.

Same in my line of work. No one who is client-facing is PT, and the most successful people in support / back office roles are all FT too.

Averageper100 · 07/03/2025 15:11

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

TerroristToddler · 07/03/2025 15:09

I'd go back FT, particularly if you're already cramming FT hours in on part-time pay.

This was precisely why I went back to FT, having gone down to 4days when my first DC was born. I ended up logging on during my day-off more and more, people invited me to important meetings and due to their seniority and busy calendars I had to be the one to flex, not them. Overall i ended up being annoyed at missing out on 20% of pay (plus 20% of other benefits we get, such as bonus) when the reality was that I was actually working FT.

I'm less stressed doing FT than I was doing PT, because its literally the same workload but I don't have to try and juggle childcare plus work on that day off like I used to! It has meant I'm actually more available during the evenings as I'm now able to be stricter about logging off on time.