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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should both sets of parents be treated the same on Mothers Day?

811 replies

Nconee · 07/03/2025 12:06

Posting before Mothers Day as I’m getting a general idea before I say something.

Son has been with his partner for a few years. He moved in with her last year and is getting married this year. Mother’s Day was shortly after he moved in with her last year. He got me a card and a photo frame. He would always get me similar for Mothers Day. He came to see me a few days before Mother’s Day- alone. I do have other children but they live hours away. I then saw on Facebook they had gone for a meal with her Mum & siblings and bought her Mum got a huge bouquet of flowers and a huge cake.

This year is coming up and I know DIL isn’t particularly keen on me so I am not expecting her to organise my present. I know I am going to be upset when I see her Mums post on Facebook again. They are getting married in the summer. AIBU to expect them to treat us both the same way when it comes to Mother’s Day gifts now? I’m half expecting just a card in the post.

OP posts:
appleenish · 07/03/2025 12:14

Why isn't she keen on you?

anicecuppateaa · 07/03/2025 12:13

It’s up to your son to organise. This mothers day we are taking my mum out and for afternoon tea. I’ve also booked her a massage on the Friday as she is coming to stay for the weekend. DH’s mum will likely not even get a card, even if I remind him. I don’t usually get birthday cards from ILs so don’t think it’s my place to organise for him.

partygate · 07/03/2025 12:11

He’s treating you how raised him. He’s honouring mothers’ day in the same way he’s always done. She’s chosen to make more effort for her mother. It is not her job to take over his duties to you. If your son wants to do better he will.

Writerbiter · 07/03/2025 12:11

Why is this women's work? It's up to your son to sort out your present and a meal.

I adore my mother in law, I've known her for more than 20 years but it's still my husband's responsibility to get her mothers day gifts (same with her birthday and Christmas). I might remind him of the date because I don't want her to miss out but I'm not sorting anything.

CaffeineBomb · 07/03/2025 12:11

Honestly, I think it's up to your son to organise mothers day gifts for you, not your DIL. If your son gets you something similar to what he always has then I don't think the fact that DIL gets something more lavish for her Mum is a slight on you.

I've been married for 12 years and it's up to DH to sort gifts for his Mum and I sort mine, it's never occurred to me that the gifts should be "equal".

Glorybox2025 · 07/03/2025 12:10

That was HER celebration for her own mum. Your son could do the same for you if he wanted. Mother's Day isn't a joint couple thing.

Purpleturtle43 · 07/03/2025 12:10

I agree with PP, you can't expect your son's partner to organise things for you, it has to be down to him. Does she club in with her siblings for a president? That might be why it looks with the other Mum gets more.

Introducingme · 07/03/2025 12:09

It's not up to your Dil to arrange any card or gifts.
That is your DS job.
Don't start comparing you against her mum you will never win.

Hadalifeonce · 07/03/2025 12:09

I do understand how you feel, but, I will bet your son dies nothing for his partner's mother.
If you want to do something, speak to your son about a lunch or something else with them.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 07/03/2025 12:08

Nope YABU it is nothing to do with your DIL. Your son is responsible for how he wants to celebrate mother's day with you. If you want to go for a meal or something then why don't you speak to him and organized it?

I spend mother's day with my mum, if my husband wanted to see his mum that's fine but he can go on his own

CheesePlantBoxes · 07/03/2025 12:08

They didn't do anything.

Your DIL organised something for her mum and he tagged along.

Your son can just as well do the same.for you.

What effort did he go to before he was in a relationship?