Should both sets of parents be treated the same on Mothers Day?

Nothing to suggest it’s coming out of the same pot. Husband and I share finances and sort gifts for our own family members ourselves. If you want your son to treat you better, perhaps tell him rather than be bitter towards your DIL who has done nothing wrong.

You raised him. YABU.

Isn't it just normal for brides to be more into wedding planning than grooms? And naturally they will involve their family and friends?

If you want more from your son you need to tell him. Your DIL is just taking his lead and he clearly isn't saying to her that 'my mum needs a Mothers Day tea and a wedding role'.

My MIL doesn't like me very much and I would feel so, so weird going to see her at her house for mother's day because Im sure she'd much rather see her son without me there, I wonder if that's why she didn't come?

I get why you are upset but it's misdirected.

Your Mother’s Day is for your son to organise.

If he makes less effort for you than his partner does for her mom then take that up with your son.

As other posters have said, I doubt that your son is buying the Mother's Day cards and presents for his MIL and arranging meals out. Your DIL is doing all this for her mum and your son is going along with it.

He did buy you a card and a present. Just stay off Facebook and you will be none the wiser about how they celebrated with her mum.

Same here. If DH wants to sort out a meal he does. I remind him once , well in advance. I send my DSM flowers from the DC and a card for Granny which DS2 writes.

I’ve often wondered how we’d have done it if my DM was alive as BIL is always with SIL’s parents on Mother’s Day. I suppose we’d have had both of them over.

Hardly any couples nowadays put all their money in the same pot, so I'd say it's incredibly unlikely that your son is contributing towards his mil present.

Not that it is really any of your business tbh

You said that he always gets you a card and a small gift. Why are you expecting that to change just because his wife's family do something different? I get my mum something for Mother's Day because we always celebrated it as children; DP doesn't do anything for his mum because they never did. You set this expectation, OP. If you want it to change then you'll have to say to your son, "actually, can we do X this year for Mother's Day". But bear in mind that his wife has probably planned something with her mum already this year.

I think way too much fuss is made for Mothers Day. Card, flowers etc. is enough. Meals out on special days aren't something I'd be wanting. Same re Valentines

My son is crap with presents and special days. He's great at doing little things all year round and spending time with me for no reason other than he wants to.
My daughter loves to celebrate event days and buy big gesture presents.
They both show me how much they care in their own way and I'm more than happy with it.
If your son is attentive and caring the rest of the year, does it really matter that he doesn't go all out on Mother's day?
If he isn't, you have a son problem.

As others have said, it’s absolutely not on your daughter in law to sort a gift or card out for you. That’s on your son completely. Though if he does nothing for you without good reason (in that you have a good relationship) I’d be very wary if I was your future daughter in law. Hope he realises that for the first few years it’s on him to get her a card/gift from any children they may have. Have you spoken to him about how hurtful you find it that he hasn’t shown similar effort?

The type of gift he got me hasn’t changed. But they’re getting married now and it’s obvious she spends much more on her Mum which in turn means my DS is spending more on her Mum as it will all be coming out of the same pot regardless.

Firstly, that's none of your business.

Secondly, how aware of their finances are you? They may have their own personal spends that your son choose to spend on stuff for himself, whereas your DIL spends more on family gifts.

We woulf get a take away or he would he a take away? Either way it doesn’t like sound the presedent was set very high.

You are assuming that your son is paying and organising MIL’s treat when it’s very possible that the meal is her treat for her mum and they have an agreement to sort out their respective mums.

Did your son take you out on Mothers Day before he dated his current partner? If not, I wouldn’t assume he would suddenly do things like pay for a meal.

How involved is your son in the wedding planning!? Maybe it shouldn't be so but it's usual for the woman to be more involved in planning weddings, and she's more likely to ask her mum for help than you.

Wow! Their finances are none of your business and you're making a lot of assumptions there!

I'd imagine your DIL organises her mum's present. Your ds organises your present.

I'd take it up with your son.

You have no idea how much her mum does for her that she is thanking her for on Mother’s Day. You are being very unreasonable.

Your son has only ever just sent a card and gift, so it's not like he's choosing to see her mum when normally he'd see you.

If you've always been (outwardly) happy with a card & gift, then he probably just sees it as a difference in how different families do things. Neither are inherently right or wrong.

My DH gets his mum a Mother's Day present. I do nothing for my mother, as per her request. What I do for my mum has no bearing on what DH does for his.

Echoing the comments that it’s on your son and not your DIL gifts for Mother’s Day. It’s also for your son and DIL to separately decide what gifts they want to give and what they each do for their respective mothers on Mother’s Day. I spend more on my mum than DH does on his because that’s how we’ve always done it. It’s not a day which I’ve ever gone out of my to visit my Mum or MIL on though and not something I place a lot of importance on. If you want to go out for lunch with your son, suggest it to him. It might be worth considering why your DIL doesn’t like you and if there’s anything you can do to repair that relationship, outside of Mother’s Day