Should both sets of parents be treated the same on Mothers Day?

I don't 'hate on men'. I like men. Competent, decent men who can think for themselves about what to buy for their own mothers. Your poor little boys, when they are older they will be too selfish or stupid or mean to buy something that you, their mother would actually like. You say that yourself - and then go on to say that your boys are 'great'?

Raise them as you like but don't complain when you get what you've trained them for.

Your laughing emoji is getting on my nerves.

The reason that mothers of daughters get better treatment on Mother's Day is because the daughters are female and women make the effort and care enough to make an effort.

Men, in general, do not. They don't think to do something nice in the same way that women do.

Your son could try harder and actually arrange something nice for you. It's not his wife's problem to make him do a better job of being your son. He should actually be ashamed to have gone along to a celebration of his MIL and not have similar for you.

But we've no idea of the conversation between OP's son and his partner.

She could have said "I'm going to take mum for lunch on Mother's Day, what do you have planned?"
Him "nothing on the day. I'll send a card and I've bought a present I think mum will like"
Her "ok.. well if you're sure, mum would love it if you came to lunch too if you're free"

If he thinks his mum is happy with what he gets her (and it sounds like she actually has been up until last year) why would he feel like he has to change it because his partner does something different? And why would his partner change what she does, or push him to arrange something else, just to make sure it's equal.

I think Mother's Day is something that is done very differently in different families, and there is no "better" way. I do nothing for Mother's Day (at my mother's request), whereas some families go all out and have certain traditions around it. I don't think that a couple need to change what they do to match each other.

Wouldn’t even cross my mind to get my mother in law anything.

i do all my Mother’s Day for my mum. My husband is his mothers child

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

my brother was the same, my friends brothers were the same- they buy you a voucher or flowers but don’t go into the detail women do because women know what women actually want! No need to hate on men, my kids are great and help out at home but when they’re older they won’t know that an afternoon tea trumps flowers or that notebooks and books trump vouchers because they don’t think like women and that’s fine (I’ll take the vouchers😅)

So if wives/DILs should remember this stuff, what did the men do before they married?

Have they gone from Mum to partners to spouse always doing this stuff?

It’s definitely not something where ‘they’ need to do the same. She treats her mum; he treats his mum. And, frankly, a card and small gift seems more appropriate than a huge fuss, from an adult child, especially if that’s always been the expected standard. If you want it to change, you need to discuss that with him, but not by comparison with her mum.

My MIL to be wasn't& invited to dress shopping or anything wedding related when I was getting married, why would she?

Your DILs name being on the card for Christmas etc is no indication of anything. I am pretty much no contact with my MIL and DH still puts my name on cards for birthdays & xmas.

Why? It works for us. Our families are completely different with nothing in common apart from me and him marrying and having children. In fact at our wedding my family stayed one side and his the other barely a word uttered between them.

If he cannot be bothered to remember to buy a card for his dad till the day before that’s on him a grown ass man. It’s on the calendar of which I do already fill in the dates.

Does this mean that the women can put their feet up then and expect their menfolk to do stuff equally when it comes to cards and presents for either mother?

I see this board around mother's day and the misery from lack of gift. I don't expect any of those posters to have daughters and that's where the disparity is. Boys are allowed to grow up incompetent; girls are not.

Oh dear!

When I married my husband I didn’t join his family. I married him and we made a family.

There’s my family
his family
our family

His family and my family are kept well apart. Mine are my job his are his.

Boys don't put in the effort where their pandering mothers don't expect it. It's up to you if this is funny for you or acceptable in any way. It wouldn't be for me but, just as long as you don't expect any women in your sons' lives to pick up the slack.

Precious, precious boys....

It’s your son’s responsibility to do something for you on Mother’s Day. I would speak to him about it. I do make sure DH is planning something for his mother, because I’m close to her and want her to feel appreciated. However, I don’t go with him to see her. That’s their time, mother and son, not my place to turn up
and hijack it.

They both do😊

I am going against popular opinion somewhat and while I agree the load shouldn’t fall to the women to be the organisers of cards and presents for all occasions. There seems to be an accepted divide between being responsible for your own parents but surely y becoming partners or married you are also welcoming and joining the family also. So why not jointly decide what you are going to do for your parents instead of being so divisive and jointly celebrate and appreciate the occasion?

Boys don’t do the same for mums as girls do unfortunately!! Women are always the ones to put the effort in, men just do something they think ticks the box (I have 4 boys 😅😅😅)

@Nonrienderien nothing wrong with it. I was just wondering about your phrasing really, that your DIL "makes sure we get the same treatment". Rather than your son making sure of it.

@Nconee it's something you have to teach your sons to do when they're kids.

My DH is hopeless at remembering things like this despite my reminders. His mum usually gets a late card despite living near us. My mum lived 200 miles away and I send flowers, chocolates, a card etc... and video call her.

It's a bit late to say anything now to him. If you want to do something more elaborate then perhaps ask him yourself e.g. "perhaps we could go out for a meal on mothers day?"

I've never once suggested it was her job. I just happen to have a wonderful DIL & surprisingly I happen to love her & I know it's reciprocated. She takes pleasure in helping to pick our gifts etc along with my son. Why is that so wrong. 🤔
I actually find all this seperation regarding in-laws on both sides quite alien to my own family dynamics with my son & dil but each to their own

I didn't take my mil wedding dress shopping either, just my mum.

Yabu, it's your sons decision what to get you not hers. She's obviously closer to her mum

Why is it your DIL's job to make sure you feel equal?

Why is it up to your DIL to arrange your present? You’re not her mum! That’s your sons job, if he wants to get you rubbish presents then that’s on him not her.

My DH is in charge of all gifts for his side of the family, birthdays, Christmas, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day. He can ask for my opinion on what to get if he wants to but I’m not shopping for him.