Should both sets of parents be treated the same on Mothers Day?

Your mobility might be better if you use a wheelchair, if you're vulnerable to falling while using the walker. You would have more independence and could visit your children.

I think you shouldn't follow your DILs mum on facebook, it's not going to bring you any joy. They sadly sound very unwelcoming, so you need to concentrate on your relationship with your son, and strengthening your relationship with your other kids.

Could you look into getting yourself a carer so you don’t feel that you have to rely on your son? You might not feel such resentment for him (or his wife, who is blameless here)

OP, I know it's not what your post is about, but from what you've said about your son being your carer until he moved in with his fiancee, and that you're lonely on your own, I'm wondering whether it might be worth you considering a lodger? Some older people invite a younger person to lodge with them, for perhaps a lesser cost than they would pay in a house share with people of their own age, and then in return the lodger, helps out with odd jobs here and there. Sometimes they even end up as really good friends. I just think it might be worth looking into in a situation such as your own.

I organise Mother’s Day for my MIL as she does a lot for us and I know it means something to her. It would feel wrong for me to just do something for my lovely mum as I view us as a team who each have different strengths/weaknesses

So, what does your husband do that should be solely your responsibility but he's better at it so he does it instead?

Does he do all your packing when you go away?
Does he brush your teeth?
Does he put fuel in your car?
Does he buy all of your clothes?

I've been the dil in this situation.
I so wanted to have a close , loving relationship with her, having lost my dm when younger.
But she was very demanding, manipulative and could really heap on the emotional blackmail with a huge helping of guilt chucked in for good measure.
She had absolutely zero self awareness.
I really tried, but like the rest of the family we could only deal with mil in small doses.
Yes she was lonely but could never see how demanding life was for us with work and children
It did get better when she met her partner

That's unnecessarily cruel

Agree with this!

That's sad to hear 😔

Surely if you know that it means something to MIL, her own son should too? Especially since he's so lovely.

If he wanted to do something about it, he would. There's plenty of ways to help remember birthdays and other important dates.

That isn't on you, it's on him because it's his mum and he should be the one making the effort.

1.5 hours is nothing, when my dad was ill, I was doing that every weekend. You keep saying when you can get to them, you stay with them. But why aren’t they popping down to see you, say one a month for a visit, it’s not far! You are disabled and on your own, I’m sorry OP your other kids need to make more of an effort! Twice a year visits isn't good enough. And why can’t the one who lives 5 hours away drive down to see you a couple times a year, as well as you having to plan to get the train to them?

Shame these men who manage to work amazing jobs and remember intricate details day to day so not to get fired can’t work out how to put a yearly reminder in their calendar to ‘buy card and flowers’. Teamwork for men seems to be ‘if I pretend I don’t know how to do it, it will be done for me’. The most amazing part is the women who genuinely believe they’re not capable of doing it, like the male brain is not built in with a capacity to remember loved ones birthdays without it being spelled out.

Seems very rare that a woman says ‘I don’t remember when my mum’s birthday is, my husband makes sure she gets something because that’s not one of my strengths’….

I don't think the problem is your DIL .. I think it's all of your children. The way she treats her mum is simply providing a contrast to the way they treat you and highlighting your situation.

Could you let them know how you feel/ask if you can spend more time with them?

Personally think the wedding dress shopping is a red herring. I get on absolutely fine with MIL. Check in on her via message, see her roughly once a fortnight, have taken her on holiday with us. Put effort in to her birthday etc, especially if a big one but didn't ask her to go wedding dress shopping. I think that's something you do with your mother generally. I think you are reading too much in to this x

you haven't seen your daughter for 5 years ?

what does she send you for Mother's Day

Yes, YABVU.

No point in repeating all the reasons as they have already been stated.
The fact your DiL2B has a tradition of doing things differently on Mothers Day from your s and your ds's tradition is none of your business.

The way my dh interacts with his Mum is nothing to do with the way I choose to interact with mine.

Also, if someone were sending us money, it would go in to our joint account. But DH and I still have separate accounts for our own spending.

I rang him and I am sad to say he won’t be coming to see me on Mother’s Day. We had an argument and he told me he’s sick of it all being on him all the time and I have other children.

He's got a good point.

Google is your friend, just type in ' how do I get assistance on a train journey '

@Nconee - you are asking if the MiL should have any rights or be treat with respect and equally….your mistake is asking here on MN.

The MiL always gets a kicking here, disgraceful behaviour by other women.

Yes, it is hurtful that this family treat you as they do. Yes, I would be hurt if the arrangements and gifts favour one person over another.

I accept though that your DS needs to step up too.

I can never reason that MiL’s are mother’s too, the same person! Many females on here will go on to be the MiL too!

I think you’re getting a hard time here OP.

My DH is rubbish with remembering birthdays. Mother’s Day etc. He’s lovely and practical but gifts aren’t important to him so he just doesn’t see that other people can place value on them.

I organise Mother’s Day for my MIL as she does a lot for us and I know it means something to her. It would feel wrong for me to just do something for my lovely mum as I view us as a team who each have different strengths/weaknesses.

Covid - do you mean all the lock downs 5 years ago

or are you saying you had to recover from having Covid.

you are tec savvy enough to use Mumsnet, so you are tec savvy enough to book a train ticket

You push yourself for the other two but not for him. I've recently in the last few years had spinal issues. I push myself for all my children. Dose up on painkillers. Me, my stick and a friendly arm sometimes are all I have, but I make the most of what I have minimising my discomfort.

Op I’m guessing you spend a lot of time alone and inside the four walls of your home witb very limited interaction with anyone

and you’re about to piss up the wall your relationship with the one child you do actually see vaguely regularly