Should both sets of parents be treated the same on Mothers Day?

Kindly and gently op you need to exam your part in this.
How would you feel if you were in his shoes?
No one Owens their children
You do your best for them, and then as adults , they fly the nest.
I have 4 children.
I have zero expectations.
Mother's Day I usually get one card.
It doesn't matter - I know they all love me.

Out the 4 - one is super close - and one I hear from rarely.
I don't 'chase' any of them.

Of course I'd love to see more of them but that's life.
I used to make an effort either my dad because he was lovely.
But as mentioned mil was small doses - she tried to make my dhs life hell with her demands.
Is that how you want your son to feel ?
His loyalties are to his future wife now and any children that come along.
The new generation need a happy parent - deserve one.
With struggled, initially for years, trying to keep mil happy, balance work and bring up children....it was never enough for mil.
We stepped back... dh's brother , who lived in the same town did not ( think he was trying to gain some kind of validation) but he was treated appallingly by mil.
She once tricked him into coming over - when he was working aboard and he left work in a panic ( she was fine )
He paid out for jobs he never got refunded and then she more or lees cut him out the will.

Sadly this maybe true .... having lived similar. ...

Going against the grain here…I think your dc are all treating you badly. And you haven’t pulled any of them up on it. Maybe because subconsciously you know they won’t respond well.

I am sorry for you and your situation. Decent kids don’t leave their disabled mum without support. There are enough of them that they can and should step up to support you. I don’t know if there is a reason for the poor relationship you have with them all, or just that they are incredibly selfish and it’s too much bother for them to think about how to help you.

Having said that I do also think you haven’t built a life for yourself. I don’t know if that’s your personality and a neediness in you that you are passive in your own life and expect to be taken care of, or if your disability and life circumstances genuinely have prevented you from being a more rounded person.

I think it would be worth exploring how you could benefit yourself to have a fuller life, and how to have more of a voice with your children.

This is a sad thread. OP, please listen to people's advice.
You were advised not to call your son to have the conversation you did and yet you called him twice.
You still seem to expect more from DIL than you do of all of your other kids. Yes, they have their own families but they don't live much further away than a lot of people commute daily. It wouldn't be that difficult for just your kids to visit while they're other halves look after the kids, if everyone coming is too much.
Step back, think about what you really want here and let people help you try to achieve that with your family.

We’ve had this. I took my mum for a meal and my ridiculous MIL made my wife feel guilty for attending.

You can’t link the two. It’s a separate relationship and should be based on understanding and communication about what you’d like to do together.

Why don’t you organize a brunch or dinner at your house and invite all your children and their in laws over for the day. That way yo come off welcoming instead of demanding.

@Nconee
https://www.nationalrail.co.uk/help-and-assistance/passenger-assist/
This tells you how to get train assistance.

OP you haven’t answered my question. You never asked him to take you for a meal or buy you flowers before. Suddenly you are demanding to be “treated the same” which is frankly bonkers. Why do you feel entitled to request the same? She has her relationship and traditions with her mum. He is her partner so gets invited. You do not have the right to demand to be treated the same! He’s done a hell of a lot more for you than your other children and now he wants to build a life which he is entitled to do - and you resent it. There are ways you could have said something - like “next year could I see you on Mother’s Day” or something. You should apologise to your son and DIL before the relationship is damaged permanently.

I think this too.

You haven't taken any of the advice on board if you're just having a go at him more

Look into it OP, you might be able to do a deal where you have the company, and the young person does some jobs in return, without money changing hands, or speak to the Council and at least find out.

What, every day? And why ring again when you’d already had one argument, surely it would have been far better to give it 24 hours at least? I’d have given it a few days not a couple of hours! If you carry on like this he will pull away and it won’t be your DiL’s fault, or his.

Why did you ring him after having an argument earlier?

And how often do you ring him at 9pm, that's quite late and quite intrusive

Well
That makes it OK then 😒

Why did you tell him you were calling at 9? I’m not sure why you posted when you’re not listening to anything anyone’s saying. I feel really sad for your son. I hope your children are close to each other.

Well done on repeatedly missing the point OP ..... is this even real? I'm starting to doubt because you cannot be this delusional about how selfish you are being. God help your son and DIL

You rang him at 10 o'clock at night to have another go?

OP you are MASSIVELY unreasonable!!

You are demanding. You say you did "everything" for him but he was the one running you around, looking after you, taking time off work...

Expect more from your other children and stop blaming him for your shitty MD

I’ve not wanted to say it as the op is obviously vulnerable but it the more posted the more it reads as a similar situation in my own family. One by one the kids fell away until the last child was guilted so badly (I can’t cope without you, if you leave then I’ll be all alone, guess I’m no use to anyone anymore) they eventually went full NC. It was incredibly damaging to their mental health and the parent did end up needing outside care because the kids wouldn’t get dragged back for any reason.

Your son should be entitled to a life like the rest of your child have. He's due to get married and eventually start a family not be a live in carer for you. If life is so hard then you need to get carers in from the social. Out of interest how old are you. It sounds like your other dc had enough and distanced themselves. Being a carer for a family member is exhausting never mind someone who's young and has their life ahead of them.

Is this thread for real?

Having seen your updates, I think this is a case of lots of things being true at once:

• you were unreasonable to pin the blame for not getting the same treatment as your MIL on your DIL, rather than your son.
• you treat yours son unreasonably compare to your other children just because they have children of their own.
• it’s sad that every time you’ve tried to suggest meeting up for joint meals etc that your son and DIL have said no.