Should both sets of parents be treated the same on Mothers Day?

Ilwaus bought my MiL same gift as for my own Mum when she was still alive. Often we'd take Mums out for a cream tea and a bunch of flowers. I love my MiL. She has treated my DC equally with her own DGC in every way. My DC love her too.

I’m sorry OP, but I feel exhausted having just read your posts. The negativity, self-pity, passiveness and entitlement come across really strongly.

I feel for your struggles but I can see why your son is finally having to distance himself from you.

You don’t get on with your DIL. she is getting the same type of present and doing the same thing she has a,ways done for her mum and your jealous that now you believe (wrongly) your son is paying for that because they are married, despite the lassie making her own wage. YOUR son does feck all for you, for DIL is not obliged to make up for him being shit. He never put in any effort, a take away with someone you live with is not effort. Work of the relationship with your DIL, because your son seems to be lazy and not really bother

@Nconee

Did you manage to visit your daughter ?

and when did your son do his Mother's Day visit ?

Nobody's told you this OP but I suspect the reason for the disparity between how your son treats you vs how he treats his dil's mum is an income & disability related one. It's very shallow but unfortunately it's so normal for the poorer / disabled inlaws to be sidelined in the run up to a wedding / babies.

What utter nonsense.

Why shouldn't he resent taking care of her? That's a huge burden to place on a child, especially one who has siblings, who seemed to not have helped at all. She is not his responsibility.

Nobody's told you this OP but I suspect the reason for the disparity between how your son treats you vs how he treats his dil's mum is an income & disability related one. It's very shallow but unfortunately it's so normal for the poorer / disabled inlaws to be sidelined in the run up to a wedding / babies. This is even more the case when you have a guy here who clearly resented taking caring of you (the social worker comment was cruel).

Are you close enough to any of your other children to consider moving closer to them? If so that is exactly what I'd do in this situation. Your dil is non-entity in this because it's probably your son who feels negatively about you and he probably picked her because she feels the same about the same things. This situation will never change, only get worse, so if you can get out of the vicinity it might help your MH if nothing else.

and if you had read all the comments you would see i commented to the original question and I said I do it myself,I think of my own mother before my hubby's and what ever else I wrote so please feel free to go ahead and read it and make yourself look like a silly sausage,these comments are to something I was having a conversation with someone about if that's OK with you,don't tell others to read through it when you clearly haven't at all or would of seen my first comment

Probably because you have spectacularly missed the whole point of the thread. Which kind of indicates that you didn’t read or comprehend the issue being raised.

However, that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to “write like everyone else”. But it will probably mean that any further input will be a tad nonsensical. What ever floats your boat I guess.

Yes, oranges are round.

Apparently, random comments that have nothing to do with the posts are good with you.

I did yeah why?am I not allowed to write on this like everyone else ?

If you’re going to miss the point, do so in spectacular fashion 👏.

It is down to each "child" to organise and do things for their respective mother. So in this case, your son is the one letting you down. It has nothing to do with DIL.

Secondly, you clearly have a fractured relationship with your other children. Having children and working is not a reason why they wouldn't drive an hour and a half to see their mother unless there was an issue. My DH and I frequently drove 4hrs each way to just spend the the day with my Mil. It was an exhausting day but we made the effort. I wouldnt have done this if MIL was critical of me.

It sounds like you heavily depended on your son and then he met DIL and became more independent and decided not to care for you st the same level. You sound resentful of your DIL for taking your unofficial carer away from you.

Listen to what your son is saying to you. He is telling you he feels overwhelmed you are putting all of this on him and he is frustrated your other children don't help. He is also telling you to get an actual carer if you need. These are very fair emotions and comments.

It is completely understandable to be lonely and to feel unsafe now you are living alone. But I would try to be self critical about your feelings towards DIL and whether you are projecting... Or maybe DIL is protective over a fiance she feels was taken advantage of by his mother.

Did you read any of the posts? Even just the first one?

🤦🏻‍♀️

well no,its mothers day not fathers day

My husband won't see his Mum on Mothers Day. He won't send her cards or a gift, either. If she's lucky, she'll get a text.

My mum is long dead so it's nothing to do with me - it's because he tried to lay boundaries with her for years and she ignored them and trampled on them, and now he is pretty hands-off. He does not see her on Mothers Day as he doesn't want to celebrate the type of Mum she is; and she tends to turn it into a moan about something anyway.

He's not bothering with her because he doesn't want to. Nobody but him can say why that is, but it's telling that OP's other children feel the same way, but she's unfussed by them doing it. They seem to decline contact quite often, and it's accepted - possibly because they have children to use as an excuse, but DS doesn't?

I'd be heartbroken if my DS didn't want to see me or talk to me around Mother's Day, and I had to nag him into meeting me the week before, but with that would have to come a lot of reflection on how we'd ended up in such an awful place.

so I get your point but if your sons girlfriend sorted it then maybe he has just had to go along for it,I'm the same every year I always think il get this for my mum and this for her but never think of my partners mum I can't help it and don't do it to he a bitch on purpose I just don't think till it's too late

I actually think your daughters are very selfish and they seem to have just left everything to their brother when it comes to you. You might be disabled and struggle to visit them but they could come and visit you with your grandchildren. My sister lives in Australia and has visited the UK to see my mum since Covid. I can see how your son feels a little as due to my sister living abroad it falls to me to see my mum, and previously my dad before he passed away. I did a lot of the running about for both during Covid. And since then also.

When me and my now ex DH got married, his mother had absolutely no input into our wedding. The only real input my mum had was she did come shopping with me for my dress. When it came to bridesmaids dresses his mum didn’t come either despite his airer being a bridesmaid. So I don’t think it’s uncommon for the groom’s parents/mum not to have much input.

As for your original question re Mother’s Day. I can see how it’s hurtful if she goes all out for her mum and he doesn’t for you. But really he should be speaking to his siblings to sort something together for you. Yes they might have a joint account where you paid money for a joint gift for Xmas, however I suspect they have individual accounts too where they spend from for their own things and likely just sort their own mother’s days gifts. When I was married my ex h did tend to leave all gift shopping to me. For everyone on his side as well as mine but since we separated he’s had to step up with that all now. But o know from friends that he sorts his mum and she sorts her mum. Gifts can be different. I always tried to keep the £spent the same.

Don't fight with your children's partners and/or their families, you will only make yourself feel more neglected and rejected, having given them reason for that. My daughter never forgets mothers day; my son wouldn't have a clue. It's up to them. Stop sulking.

OP it sounds like the other family is much closer that yours. Maybe your DIL and her siblings club together to buy Mother’s Day gifts. That’s what we do in my family. Your smaller gift is just from one son - but of all your children clubbed together it would be a much bigger gift.

do your other children buy you Mother’s Day gifts?

Still his choice though. He's happy to let her spend that much because it's important to his wife. If it's not a priority for him he'll spend more on something else.

I'd try not to focus on it; it'll become an obsession and wear you out.