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AIBU?

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Original poster

DS being picked on at school - AIBU to help him change a little?

82 replies

BovrilEveryDay · 07/03/2025 09:22

DS is 6. He was diagonised with autism and a learning disability at 4. He is in mainstream school and progressing really well with his reading and writing.

He has been picked on since he started primary. It got really bad end of last year but the schooo have been fairly proactive and things are a bit better.

DS often makes 'unusual' decisions about stuff. He picked a bright pink glitter scooter. He went to world book day dressed as something v silly & funny.

The problem is these choices are 100% fine with me (of course!) - but they are causing him upset and stress. He is now refusing to take scooter to park as boys laughed at him becaues it's got glitter. He also turned around and ran away from school when all the boys were wearing superhero/star wars stuff yesterday...shouting at me for dressing him in 'something stupid'.

I actually remember as a kid myself always feeling like i hadn't got things quite right...always slightly odd choice of clothes and so on - and i hated it. I wished I could just have done whatever i needed to do to not have any comments - but somehow i always picked the thing that drew comments.

He is naturally anxious, self-critical, self-conscious. I want to celebrate all his choices.

But sometimes I think maybe I should be encouraging him to pick the more typical stuff for an easier life? Is that an awful thign to think? Like now we have an unused scooter in the hall because he couldn't forsee the laughing - well, I could, but I let him get it anyway.

Any advice?

OP posts:
Barleysugar86 · 07/03/2025 09:52

We let my son make some non traditional choices for boys at this age- he had blue glitter trainers and an umbrella with rainbow unicorns on it- but he was a confident child and the other kids didn't question it. Where you can now see this is upsetting him sadly I think the kindest thing will be to steer him to prevent standing out which he doesn't want.

Bigsislookingforadvice · 07/03/2025 09:49

Absolutely - guide and suggest less out there ideas but don't make him blend in too much, it's part of his personality, it's just finding a balance.
I definitely think a scooter makeover could be fun - spray paint and some multicoloured tape, keep it interesting but less pink

Snorlaxo · 07/03/2025 09:48

Based on ds reaction, I would forewarn him. So next year, when it’s time to discuss costumes I’d drop into conversation that Oliver and Harry were Spiderman and Superman last year to “remind” him to think like that. It’s sad that he can’t pick the costume that he’d like but if fitting in is the priority then guiding him will be a kindness.

Sell the scooter and replace it with one that won’t attract attention. Again it’s a shame that he can’t pick the one that he’d like but life is hard enough for him and I understand why the attention is hard to cope with.

EternalSunshine19 · 07/03/2025 09:46

can you spray paint the scooter? The glitter will probably still be there but a green or a blue will cover the pink and then at least he'll get use out of it

SoundedCat · 07/03/2025 09:45

Absolutely help him think through his choices. Tell him you love his idea/choice. State that it's not the typical choice of his peers. Wonder with him how he will feel if he's the odd one out. Tell him its ok to be different. Let him decide.

Eg, for the scooter, agree with him that the pink glitter scooter looks the most exciting and fun. But then wonder with him if he'll still love it next week/month/year. You can say that you don't see a lot of his friends on pink glitter scooters and ask him if if is happy to be different. Get him to think about would he be happy to ride it in the park? Would he be happy to ride it to school every day. You can only buy 1 scooter, and it needs to be a choice that he's happy with for a whole year.

fourelementary · 07/03/2025 09:42

It’s fine to help guide children as to what is more socially acceptable- especially if he struggles with confidence. But you could broach it as more information based than judgemental- and let him decide.
Its hard as you don’t want your child to be a sheep- but you want their life to be easier.

Ablondiebutagoody · 07/03/2025 09:39

It's a shame but if I were you, I would definitely guide him towards more common choices. Maybe not exactly what other boys do/have but a bit less pink glitter. A friend of my DS has an awesome glittery bike but it's blue/green/red rather than pink for example