Invitation to non consecutive bits of a wedding

I did have some say, as I was paying.

Oh, one of those.

So the ceremony you've been invited to is a mock ceremony, because they will have actually got married the day before? What is the point of that?! No way would I indulge that nonsense. Jeez, weddings are boring even when they are real, they are pointless and boring when they are pretend ceremonies. Just go in the evening.

My daughters were in totally agreement, I consulted with them, they wanted all their guests to feel special and be part of the whole day. I did have some say, as I was paying.

It's not even a wedding... that's been done already.

If they'd been bored, they'd have said nothing to me.

My hometown is one of different experiences and lots of fun. One of them at least would have mentioned something to me in the last 27 years when weddings have been discussed.

Now I'm thinking about it, a few years back, a friend told me the fun they'd had on my wedding day between the ceremony and the evening do. They still remembered what they'd enjoyed. I was quite touched that they looked back on it so fondly.

Shock horror. Who'd have thought it? Someone enjoying celebrating a friend's wedding with them AND enough maturity and understanding to know that they'd rather be present for some of our day at a price we could afford than not. The guests even found a way to have fun.

"Is this even possible?" I hear the pearl clutchers cry.

Sure. Keep believing that. 🙄

11:45 am wedding and evening do starting at 7pm 😳 what is everyone going to do for the day?! Our wedding was at 4pm and our evening do started not much past 7pm. That is one long boring day of doing nothing for the poor guests who have been suckered into attending the whole thing.

Go have lunch at 1pm and by the time you’re finished, it should be 3pm and check in time. You will presumably be up early to get ready. I’d have a nap, then some food and drinks about 6pm (because no dinner served) and head back for 7pm.

It's your friend of 40 years... if you can't tell her that it will be more convenient for your family to just attend the evening do then she can't be that good of a friend.

Lol. Of course they told you what a lovely time they'd had. They were hardly going to upset you on your wedding day and say they'd had a boring afternoon trying to fill in the gap. That would be like telling new parents that their precious baby is as ugly as sin. It may be true but it's not polite to tell them exactly what you think.

This is almost certainly what it is. Friends of parents are classic evening invitation territory, and as a lot of older people like to watch the ceremony, it was added to the invitation - probably for everyone who got an evening invitation, regardless of how far away they live.

Personally I think the bride and groom would be quite embarrassed if OP and family turned up in their “finery” with expensively done hair for what was essentially a “nice thing to do for mum and dad” invitation.

You keep projecting 🤣

You have a serious problem with misreading, don't you? They were complimenting my town, not me.

They were all friends as well, all of whom are too mature to show the passive aggressive ridiculousness you're suggesting is normal for you.

Most are still friends now. Clearly they have a much better opinion on what is considered rude than the pearl clutchers on this thread.

You “insisted” when it was someone else’s wedding?

I'm not saying there shouldn't have been an invite, but that expecting dozens of people to wait around aimlessly while you make it abundantly clear they are not important enough for you to bother feeding is incredibly bad manners
I wouldn't take it that way. If I was invited in this way (as I have been twice) I would take it as face value, that i was invited, not expected to do anything I didn't want to or was particularly inconvenient to me. Nor would I consider that they couldn't be bothered feeding me but only that they couldn't afford/have room to formally feed everyone. Being invited to the ceremony as well as the evening is just a nice extra.

Beats me why everyone needs to take everything as such an insult.

@Doitrightnow I'm not saying there shouldn't have been an invite, but that expecting dozens of people to wait around aimlessly while you make it abundantly clear they are not important enough for you to bother feeding is incredibly bad manners. So the compromise should have been to either invite those additional people to the ceremony or the evening, not expect them to wait around while the bride and groom see to their more "important" guests.

I find it astounding that some people seem to lose all sense when it comes to weddings. If you were hosting a birthday party would you tell some of your guests they needed to leave your house before the buffet and then come back when you're ready to blow out the candles? It's exactly the same thing.

An invite isn't a summons.

I wouldn't go to the first part and would only go to the evening part.

Because it's nice to be invited to the ceremony bit too? Even if it isn't the legal ceremony.

I just wouldn't take any offence over it. If it didn't suit me to do it this way then I wouldn't, I would just go to the ceremony or the evening or whichever or neither. I don't think it's rude to invite people to something nor to decline the invitation.

It probably would suit me though and I'd happily do it.

My daughters were in totally agreement, and wanted all their guests to feel special. It’s was also my place to have some say as I was paying.
Not a odd take at all!

What fresh hell is this! Invited to a wedding but are abandoned and ignored, and left to your own devices for hours before graciously being allowed back in for the evening bit?

OMG. I have never heard the like in my life. I'm Irish background, so weddings are a bit different there (ROI) so maybe that's colouring my aghast opinion!

I would just go to the ceremony. I'd be wily and a bit dishonest (sorry), and mingle with the ceremony crowd, say how lovely it is, give a generous gift, say "looking forward to seeing you later" and leg it home.

Sudden tummy bug, couldn't take the chance of spreading it or some other mad excuse.

Then the finery doesn't have to last all day and not wilt either. That's if someone asks about you. But I doubt you'll be missed at all, too much happening and drinks taken by that stage. 😊

That is a very odd take!
Also - these were not your weddings so it wasn't your place to insist on anything

So twenty five separate people raised the gap on your wedding day and you think they were complimenting you. That’s hilarious!

You keep telling yourself nobody minded!😂

They aren't even really getting married though! That's happening elsewhere.

I would just go to the evening though. Cheeky invite! Why not just invite you to the evening party?!

Ah. You misread.

My memory of my wedding day 27 years ago is strong enough to recall at least 25 people on the day who said what a wonderful day they'd had discovering my hometown.

My desire of not spending a fortune on 1 day and getting into debt for it isn't good enough for you? Ok then love.

And there's absolutely nothing to justify here. Unless you've got pots of money and think the world revolves around you.

Go or not go. It's really very simple. Choose to waste energy being offended or consider this highly rude if you must. Most of us have got better things to do with our lives than sit in judgement on others.

Me too. I like weddings. I like bits of them and I like all of them. I'm happy to be just an evening guest and I'd appreciate also being invited to the ceremony to see it too then spend a bit of time pottering about a new city or just relaxing back at the hotel.

I wouldn't take any insult from it and I certainly wouldn't see it as me being exploited for a present.

Not everyone feels like that though. I love weddings and would be happy to go in this scenario. I'd rather be invited to part of the day and have the choice to go or not rather than not invited at all 🤷

I think it's nice to invite the friends of your parents where you can.

Not everyone feels like that though. I love weddings and would be happy to go in this scenario. I'd rather be invited to part of the day and have the choice to go or not rather than not invited at all 🤷

I think it's nice to invite the friends of your parents where you can.