Invitation to non consecutive bits of a wedding

Exactly this. I always assumed if you were invited to the church then you went to the reception. The evening do is for all and sundry. To ask you to get all dressed up for the church then do one for five hours is just cf-ery.

Any chance the wedding is the same day as ladies day at Leicester racecourse?

Otherwise, take the opportunity to have a bloody good curry

Want a couple to not be so self-entitled that they actually host their guests rather than being shockingly rude to a large number of them in order to save money?

Yes, I absolutely would.

If the couple can’t afford to treat all their guests the same, they need to reduce the number of guests or alter the nature of the hospitality offered. If that means no sit down event, so be it.

You’re overreacting, if there’s a hundred people in the same boat as you, you can all go somewhere for drink and bitch about it… make new friends and all turn up drunk to the evening do and make fools of yourself.

Because the wedding breakfast traditionally is a time for speeches and toasts and sit down meals plus drinks will range nowadays from £40-£200 per head and in most venues ( even assuming money no object) still have a catering limit - whereas a buffet can fit way more people and is much cheaper per head. I don’t honestly believe most wedding guests, unless hugely self- entitled, would prefer a couple to skip the sit down event and cut the do short by morphing the morning and afternoon simply so everyone can join in the lot. ( in answer to this , not the original post )

"Really don’t want to cause bad feeling as we have been friends for 40 years."

I honestly don't think they'll care that much. I think fair enough if you aren't actually friends of the people getting married, but friends of their parents, that they'd only invite you to the evening do - that's the sort of tier I'd expect, not to be in their 50 closest friends. Particularly as they've invited your kids as well. Inviting you to the first bit and not the middle could be taken as a bit weird, but could also have come from a place of 'well we've got the space so we may as well invite everyone but understand lots of people won't want to hang around for hours so will probably say no.'
You felt as though you 'had' to come to every part they invited you to but, tbh, I doubt they really care that much one way or another.

In simple terms, you are according a lot of weight to their feelings that they probably didn't accord to yours!

I would just message and say 'So sorry, something has come up and we can't make it to the first part of the wedding now, have a lovely time, looking forward to seeing you in the evening.'
I've never heard of the original ceremony part being costed by person, only the following meal, so it's not as if they'll lose out financially if you don't attend.

Yes, but they can afford an evening do as well as a reception? How about they don't have the evening do and just use the money for a largee reception, to which everyone is invited?

I think that’s thoughtless of the bride and her family. All the effort and money it will cost u to go and you are supposed to fill in the intervening hours in your Sunday best. As the others have said I would just go to the evening bit.

Decline invitation, the couple genuinely won’t be bothered in the slightest that you are not attending- trust me.

Many years ago (40+ years) we were invited to the 'after Wedding reception' part of the day only. It was such a fiasco (for example the food had all gone so we actually had to leave, drive 5 miles and get some fish & chips in the middle of the evening!) we really resented driving 120+ miles. We decided never, ever just to go to art of a wedding again - since then it's all or nothing as far as we are concerned.

I think engaged couples see it as a nice gesture to offer for people to share in the actual ceremony ( which after all is the point of the whole event ) but with costs and expanded families nowadays simply cannot afford to pay for everyone at the “ wedding breakfast”. I’m sure they will be perfectly fine with you attending Eve only , but believe it is a decent gesture to offer for people to witness the actual wedding. ( in other places the main event can be number limited eg a registry office so this might not be possible)

We had this once, a group of us ended up sitting in a city centre weatherspoons in our wedding finery until we were allowed to go to the evening do - and they didn't even have much of a buffet for us when we turned up!
We all regretted not saying we'll just come to the evening party.
I don't think it's on really, fair enough if it's for cost saving reasons but then either have a cheaper wedding or just invite people in the evening.

Blimey fair play to you for going to both
I'm afraid we would just have gone to the evening too much of a faff getting all frocked up twice

More! More!

Keep going!

Glad to give you something to do.

Yawn. Do keep going. Watching you expose yourself for who you are in real time is quite entertaining.

It would be a no from me. Or I'd just go to the evening.

The total lack of understanding by you of the hypocrisy of your posts is just hilarious!

You want to get out more.

I didn’t actually need your permission - I’ve been laughing since you started posting!

The total lack of understanding by you of the hypocrisy of your posts is just hilarious!

Yeah? You laugh it up then, love.

That you feel able to comment on other people’s conduct …. by being rude yourself? Very ironic, yes.

Also rather funny to be honest.

But its not an evening invitation or that's what it would explictedly state. And I think some people would feel (as the OP seems to) under obligation to go to both parts as they would feel it was 'rude' not to.

Also in relation to the poster with the let us know as early as possible if you decide not to come so we can give the space to someone who won't find the gap hard comment. Only attending the evening didn't seem to be an option. When their guests questioned the gap, they weren't told look you're welcome at either or both but if you find the gap doesn't suit done come

I will say Im Irish so this thing is something not familiar to me. In the past people were invited for the whole day or the evening. These days evening invitations seem to be a thing of the past and if you're invited you're invited for the whole day

In the words of Alanis Morrisette - “Isn’t it ironic?”

Oh we’ve definitely removed all doubt about your manners.

Well yes, but I was giving you the chance to pretend you weren’t that rude.

Nah, not a fan of pretending. I meant it exactly how it sounded.

Glad we’ve managed to remove any doubt.